第102章 简历
§1
第102章 简历
§2
Chap.102 - Sketch of Experience
§3
【1866年12月19日至1867年4月25日】
§4
我十分清楚，如果我的丈夫长期不活动，就无法恢复健康。时候已到，我要出去对人作见证。我决定不听巴特尔克里克教会的意见和劝告。那时我们是这个教会的成员，要在冬季的严寒中与我极为虚弱的丈夫一起，冒险到密歇根州北部做一次旅行。我决心冒这么大的险，需要有不小的道德勇气和对上帝的信心；特别是在我独自站立，教会的影响、包括巴特尔克里克那些圣工负责人都反对我的时候。{1T 570.2}[1]
§5
From December 19, 1866 to April 25, 1867
§6
Having become fully satisfied that my husband would not recover from his protracted sickness while remaining inactive, and that the time had fully come for me to go forth and bear my testimony to the people, I decided, contrary to the judgment and advice of the church at Battle Creek, of which we were members at that time, to venture a tour in northern Michigan, with my husband in his extremely feeble condition, in the severest cold of winter. It required no small degree of moral courage and faith in God to bring my mind to the decision to risk so much, especially as I stood alone, with the influence of the church, including those at the head of the work at Battle Creek, against me.?{1T 570.2}[1]
§7
但我知道自己有一项工作要做，而且我觉得似乎是撒但决心不让我做这项工作。我久已期待能从苦境回转，并且惟恐宝贵的灵魂会因耽延而失丧。久留在园地之外对我来说似乎比死亡更加糟糕。要是我们不开始行动，就只能灭亡。所以1866年12月19日，我们在一场暴风雪中离开巴特尔克里克去了密歇根州渥太华县的赖特。我丈夫经受了145公里又长又严峻的旅程，比我所担心的要好得多。当我们抵达我们鲁特兄弟的老家时，他似乎与我们离开巴特尔克里克时一样好。我们受到了这个亲爱家庭亲切接待和温柔照顾，就象基督徒父母关怀生病的儿女那样。{1T 570.3}[2]
§8
But I knew that I had a work to do, and it seemed to me that Satan was determined to keep me from it. I had waited long for our captivity to be turned and feared that precious souls would be lost if I remained longer from the work. To remain longer from the field seemed to me worse than death, and should we move out we could but perish. So, on the 19th of December, 1866, we left Battle Creek in a snowstorm for Wright, Ottawa County, Michigan. My husband stood the long and severe journey of ninety miles much better than I feared, and seemed quite as well when we reached our old home at Brother Root’s as when we left Battle Creek. We were kindly received by this dear family and as tenderly cared for as Christian parents can care for invalid children.?{1T 570.3}[2]
§9
我们发现这个教会处在很消沉的状况中。分裂和彼此不满的种子正在其大部分成员中深深扎根，一种属世的精神正在占据他们。他们虽然处在低落的状态中，却很少得到我们传道人的服务，以致十分渴求灵粮。我们在这里开始了从我丈夫生病以来第一次有效的工作。他虽然很虚弱，仍在这里开始象从前一样工作。在安息日和第一日的上午，他会讲三十或四十分钟，其余的时间我讲。然后他每天下午讲，每次约一个半小时。我们非常关切地倾听。我看到我的丈夫在讲题目时越来越刚强，清晰，连贯了。有一次他清楚有力地讲了一个小时，有工作的负担在他身上像他生病前一样，我感恩的心情难以言表。我在会众中站了起来，约有半小时之久哭泣着试图对他们讲话。会众深受感动。我确信这是我们更好日子的开始。{1T 570.4}[3]
§10
We found this church in a very low condition. With a large portion of its members the seeds of disunion and?dissatisfaction with one another were taking deep root, and a worldly spirit was taking possession of them. And notwithstanding their low state they had enjoyed the labors of our preachers so seldom that they were hungry for spiritual food. Here commenced our first effective labors since the sickness of my husband. Here he commenced to labor as in former years, though in much weakness. He would speak thirty or forty minutes in the forenoon of both Sabbath and first day, and I would fill up the rest of the time, and then speak about an hour and a half in the afternoon of each day. We were listened to with the greatest attention. I saw that my husband was growing stronger, clearer, and more connected in his subjects. And when on one occasion he spoke one hour with clearness and power, with the burden of the work upon him as when he used to speak, my feelings of gratitude were beyond expression. I arose in the congregation and for nearly half an hour tried with weeping to give utterance to them. The congregation felt deeply. I felt assured that this was the dawn of better days for us.?{1T 570.4}[3]
§11
我们有六周和这些人在一起。我向他们演讲了二十五次，我丈夫讲了十二次。当我们在这个教会的工作进展时，个人的情况开始展现在我面前，我就开始写出关于他们的证言，总计有一百页。然后当这些人来到我们所逗留的鲁特弟兄家时，我们就开始为他们作工，也在一些人的家里为他们作工，但更多的是特别在敬拜场所的聚会中为他们作工。在这种工作中，我发现我丈夫起很大的作用。他在这方面有长期的经验，因为他过去一直与我同工，能胜任此事。而今他又开始做这工作，在与犯错的人打交道时，他似乎表现出了从前日子所有的清晰的思路，良好的判断和忠诚。事实上，他给我的帮助是任何其他两个传道人所做不到的。{1T 571.1}[4]
§12
We remained with this people six weeks. I spoke to them twenty-five times, and my husband twelve times. As our labors with this church progressed, individual cases began to open before me, and I commenced to write out testimonies for them, amounting in all to one hundred pages. Then commenced labor for these persons as they came to Brother Root’s, where we were stopping, and with some of them at their homes, but more especially in meetings at the house of worship. In this kind of labor I found that my husband was a great help. His long experience in this kind of work, as he had labored with me in the past, had qualified him for it. And now that he entered upon it again he seemed to manifest all that clearness of thought, good judgment, and faithfulness in dealing with the erring, of former days. In fact, no other two of our ministers could have rendered me the assistance that he did.?{1T 571.1}[4]
§13
一项美善的大工为这班可爱的人做成了。人们坦诚而彻底地承认了错误，恢复了团结，上帝的祝福也降在这工作上。我丈夫努力地把教会的定期捐款计划提升到了我们所有教会都应采用的数字，他的努力导致那个教会每年交到库中的金额升到了约三百美元。那些在教会中因我的一些证言，特别是关于服装问题的证言受了考验的人，在听到对这问题的说明之后，就变得完全确定了。健康改良和服装改良都被采纳了，并为保健院筹集了大量金额。{1T 571.2}[5]
§14
A great and good work was done for this dear people.?Wrongs were freely and fully confessed, union was restored, and the blessing of God rested down upon the work. My husband labored to bring up the systematic benevolence of the church to the figures which should be adopted in all our churches, and his efforts resulted in raising the amount to be paid into the treasury annually by that church about three hundred dollars. Those in the church who had been in trial about some of my testimonies, especially respecting the dress question, became fully settled on hearing the matter explained. The health and the dress reform were adopted, and a large amount was raised for the Health Institute.?{1T 571.2}[5]
§15
在这里我认为有责任要说，在这项工作进展的时候，纽约州一位富裕的弟兄不幸访问了赖特。这位弟兄以前访问了巴特尔克里克，听说我们是违背教会和巴特尔克里克圣工负责人的意见和劝告出发的。他想甚至在那些我们曾为之做过最大努力的人面前，把我丈夫说成是半疯狂的，因此他的见证是没有意义的。他在这事上的影响，就如教会长老鲁特弟兄告诉我的，至少使这项工作倒退了两周。我说这话为的是要未献身的人当心，免得在他们盲目无知的状况中，在一小时内投下一种可能要花掉上帝疲倦的仆人数周去抵消的影响。我们当时在为富有的人作工，而撒但看出这个富有的弟兄正是他能利用的人。但愿主能使他看明真相，以谦卑的心承认自己的错误。藉着两个星期更疲倦的工作，在上帝的祝福下，我们才消除了这种错误的影响，给了那班可爱的人充分的证据，证明是上帝差我们到他们那里去的。作为我们所作努力的更进一步的结果，有七个人不久以后由瓦格纳弟兄给他们施洗了，还有两个人在七月份我们第二次访问那个教会时由我丈夫给他们施洗了。{1T 572.1}[6]
§16
Here I think it my duty to state that as this work was in progress, unfortunately a wealthy brother from the State of New York visited Wright after calling at Battle Creek and there learning that we had started out contrary to the opinion and advice of the church and those standing at the head of the work at Battle Creek. He chose to represent my husband, even before those for whom we had the greatest labor, as being partially insane and his testimony consequently as of no weight. His influence in this matter, as stated to me by Brother Root, the elder of the church, set the work back at least two weeks. I state this that unconsecrated persons may beware how they in their blind, unfeeling state cast an influence in an hour which may take the worn servants of the Lord weeks to counteract. We were laboring for persons of wealth, and Satan saw that this wealthy brother was just the man for him to use. May the Lord bring him where he can see, and in humility of mind confess, his wrong. By two weeks more of the most wearing labor, with the blessing of God, we were able to remove this wrong influence and give that dear people full proof that God had sent us to them. As a further result of our labors, seven were soon after baptized by Brother Waggoner, and two in July by my husband at the time of our second visit to that church.?{1T 572.1}[6]
§17
纽约州的那位弟兄和他的妻子女儿回到了巴特尔克里克，不想正确反映赖特的善工，帮助鼓励巴特尔克里克教会。根据后来所发现的事实，他似乎损害了教会，教会也伤害了他，因为他们都乐于挨家挨户讲述对我们的做法最不利的见解，并以此为话题。大约在这项令人痛苦的工作进行着的时候，我得到了下述异梦：{1T 573.1}[7]
§18
The brother from New York returned with his wife and daughter to Battle Creek, not in a state of mind to give a correct report of the good work at Wright or to help the feelings of the church at Battle Creek. As facts have since come to light, it appears that he injured the church, and the church injured him, in their mutual enjoyment from house to house in taking the most unfavorable views of our course and making it the theme of conversation. About the time this cruel work was going on, I had the following dream:?{1T 573.1}[7]
§19
我正与一位仪态威严的人一起访问巴特尔克里克。在梦中我经过我们弟兄的家。我们刚要进去，却听到里面正在进行认真的交谈，经常提到我丈夫的名字。我忧伤而惊讶地听到那些自称是我们最坚定朋友的人在讲述我丈夫遭受剧烈痛苦时发生的情况和事件。那时他的智力和体力在很大程度上都瘫痪了。我伤心地听到上述来自纽约州自命为弟兄者的声音。他郑重其事而又夸张地讲述巴特尔克里克的人所不知道的事，而我们在巴特尔克里克的朋友也依次讲述他们所知道的。我心里既虚弱又难过，在梦中我几乎要跌倒了。陪伴我的那一位就伸手扶住了我说：“你必须听。你必须知道这事，即使很难受。” {1T 573.2}[8]
§20
I was visiting Battle Creek in company with a person of commanding manner and dignified deportment. In my dream I was passing around to the houses of our brethren. As we were about to enter, we heard voices engaged in earnest conversation. The name of my husband was frequently mentioned, and I was grieved and astonished to hear those who had professed to be our firmest friends relating scenes and incidents which had occurred during the severe affliction of my husband, when his mental and physical powers were palsied to a great degree. I was grieved to hear the voice of the professed brother from New York before mentioned, relating in an earnest manner, and in an exaggerated light, incidents of which those at Battle Creek were ignorant, while our friends in Battle Creek, in their turn, related that which they knew. I became faint and sick at heart, and in my dream came near falling, when the hand of my attendant supported me, and he said: “You must listen. You must know this even if it is hard to bear.”?{1T 573.2}[8]
§21
在我们所前往的几户人家中，都在谈论同样的话题。那就是他们所谓的现代真理。我说：“唉，我不知道这件事！我一点儿不知道那些我们在兴盛时一直视为朋友，在患难、痛苦和逆境中也视为忠实朋友的人，心中竟存有这种情绪。但愿我从未知道此事！我们一直把这些人当作我们最好最信任的朋友。” {1T 573.3}[9]
§22
At the several houses we approached, the same subject was the theme of conversation. It was their?present truth. Said I: “Oh, I did not know this! I was ignorant that such feelings existed in the hearts of those whom we have regarded as our friends in prosperity, and our fast friends in suffering, affliction, and adversity. Would I had never known this! We have accounted these our very best and truest friends.”?{1T 573.3}[9]
§23
陪伴我的人重申：“要是他们乐意恳切热心地谈论他们的救赎主，思考祂无比的吸引力，祂无私的仁爱，祂满有恩慈的饶恕，祂对受苦之人的慈怜，祂忍耐宽容无以言表的爱，那将会有多么宝贵而有价值的结果啊。” {1T 574.1}[10]
§24
The person with me repeated these words: “If they would only engage as readily and with as much earnestness and zeal in conversation upon their Redeemer, dwelling upon His matchless charms, His disinterested benevolence, and His merciful forgiveness, His pitiful tenderness to the suffering, His forbearance and inexpressible love, how much more precious and valuable would be the fruits.”?{1T 574.1}[10]
§25
于是我说：“我很伤心。我丈夫为救灵不遗余力。他站在重担之下，直到那些担子把他压垮了。他仆倒了，身心都崩溃了。而在上帝伸手把他扶起来，使他的声音又可以被人听到时，他们却收集言行并用来破坏他的影响力，这真是既残忍又恶劣。” {1T 574.2}[11]
§26
I then said: “I am grieved. My husband has not spared himself to save souls. He stood under the burdens until they crushed him; he was prostrated, broken physically and mentally; and now to gather up words and acts and use them to destroy his influence, after God has put His hand under him to raise him up that his voice may again be heard, is cruel and wicked.”?{1T 574.2}[11]
§27
陪伴我的人说：“谈论基督和祂生活的品行，就会使人精神振作，结果是成圣洁得永生。”然后他引用了这一句话：“凡是真实的、可敬的、公义的、清洁的、可爱的、有美名的，若有什么德行，若有什么称赞，这些事你们都要思念”（腓4:8）。这句话给我留下了极深的印象。我就在接下来的安息日以此为讲题。{1T 574.3}[12]
§28
Said the person who accompanied me: “The conversation where Christ and the characteristics of His life are the themes dwelt upon will refresh the spirit and the fruit will be unto holiness and everlasting life.” He then quoted these words: “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” These words so impressed me that I spoke upon them the next Sabbath.?{1T 574.3}[12]
§29
我在赖特的工作非常疲倦。白天要多多照顾我的丈夫，有时晚上也要照顾。我给他洗浴，带他出去骑马，并且无论风霜雨雪，还是天气晴朗，都每天两次与他一同出去散步。当他口授给《评论》的报告时，我来执笔。我还写了许多信件，许多页个人的证言，以及《证言》第11辑的大部分内容。此外还常常探访人，与人作长时间恳切的谈话。鲁特夫妇完全了解我的考验和操劳，以最温柔的关怀照应我们的一切需要。我们常常求主赐给他们现在和将来所需，赐给他们健康，也赐给他们恩典和属灵的力量。并且我感到一种特别的福气会随着他们。虽然后来有疾病侵袭了他们的家，但是我听鲁特弟兄说他们现在比以前更加健康了。他报告了自己在属世方面的福气，说他的麦田每英亩产二十七蒲式耳，有的到了四十蒲式耳，而他邻居的平均产量只有每英亩七蒲式耳。{1T 574.4}[13]
§30
My labors in Wright were very wearing. I had much care of my husband by day, and sometimes in the night. I gave him baths, and took him out to ride, and twice a day, cold, stormy, or pleasant, walked out with him. I used the pen while he dictated his reports for the?Review, and also wrote many letters, in addition to the many pages of personal testimonies, and most of No. 11, besides visiting and speaking as often and as long and earnestly as I did. Brother and Sister Root fully sympathized with me in my trials and labors, and?watched with the tenderest care to supply all our wants. Our prayers were frequent that the Lord would bless them in basket and in store, in health as well as in grace and spiritual strength. And I felt that a special blessing would follow them. Though sickness has since come into their dwelling, yet I learn by Brother Root that they now enjoy better health than before. And among the items of temporal prosperity he reports that his wheat fields have produced twenty-seven bushels to the acre, and some forty, while the average yield of his neighbors’ fields has been only seven bushels per acre.?{1T 574.4}[13]
§31
1867年1月29日，我们离开了赖特，乘车去了蒙特卡姆县的格林维尔，距赖特64公里。那是当年冬天最冷的一天，我们很高兴在梅纳德弟兄家找到了躲避风寒之地。这个可爱的家庭衷心欢迎我们来到。我们在这一带逗留了六周，与在格林维尔和奥尔良的各教会一同作工，并把梅纳德弟兄好客的家作为我们的总部。{1T 575.1}[14]
§32
January 29, 1867, we left Wright, and rode to Greenville, Montcalm County, a distance of forty miles. It was the most severely cold day of the winter, and we were glad to find a shelter from the cold and storm at Brother Maynard’s. This dear family welcomed us to their hearts and to their home. We remained in this vicinity six weeks, laboring with the churches at Greenville and Orleans, and making Brother Maynard’s hospitable home our headquarters.?{1T 575.1}[14]
§33
主使我向人们轻松自如地讲话；在每次工作中，我都体会到了祂支持的能力。当确信我要对人作见证，就是作有关我丈夫工作的见证时，我的信心得到了加强，相信主会让他恢复健康，好在上帝的事业和工作中做蒙悦纳的工作。他的工作被人们接受了，他在工作中对我也是一个极大的帮助。如果没有他，我所能成就的会很少，但若有他的帮助，靠着上帝的大能，我就能做指派给我的工作。主在他所付出的每次努力中都支持了他。当他冒着危险倚赖上帝，不顾自己的虚弱状况时，他就得到了力量并善用了每次的努力。我认识到我丈夫正在恢复身心的活力，便无限地感恩，因为我将有望再次无拘无束，更加认真地重新从事上帝的工作，站在我丈夫旁边，团结一致地在最后的工作中为上帝的子民操劳。在他中风倒下之前，他在出版社办公室的职位把他大部分时间局限在那里。因为没有他我不能旅行，所以我大部分时间就得呆在家里。我感到上帝现在会在他劳苦传道教导人并且特别致力于讲道工作时使他取得成就。其他人能做办公室的工作，而我们确信他绝不会再被局限住了，而要与我一起自由旅行，以便我们二人可以作上帝为祂的余民而赐给我们的严肃见证。{1T 575.2}[15]
§34
The Lord gave me freedom in speaking to the people; in every effort made I realized His sustaining power. And as I became fully convinced that I had a testimony for the people, which I could bear to them in connection with the labors of my husband, my faith was strengthened that he would yet be raised to health to labor with acceptance in the cause and work of God. His labors were received by the people, and he was a great help to me in the work. Without him I could accomplish but little, but with his help, in the strength of God, I could do the work assigned me. The Lord sustained him in every effort which he put forth. As he ventured, trusting in God, regardless of his feebleness, he gained in strength and improved with every effort. As I realized that my husband was regaining physical and mental vigor, my gratitude was unbounded in view of the prospect that I should again be?unfettered to engage anew and more earnestly in the work of God, standing by the side of my husband, we laboring unitedly in the closing work for God’s people. Previous to his being stricken down, the position he occupied in the office confined him there the greater part of the time. And as I could not travel without him I was necessarily kept at home much of the time. I felt that God would now prosper him while he labored in word and doctrine, and devoted himself more especially to the work of preaching. Others could do the labor in the office, and we were settled in our convictions that he would never again be confined, but be free to travel with me that we both might bear the solemn testimony which God had given us for His remnant people.?{1T 575.2}[15]
§35
我明显地感觉到了上帝子民的低落状况，每一天我都意识到我的力量已用到了极限。我们在赖特时，曾把《证言》第11辑的文稿寄到出版社的办公室，而我在利用聚会之外的几乎每一刻写出《证言》第12辑的内容。在为赖特的教会作工时，我身心的精力都严重过劳。我感到自己本应该休息，但看不到解脱的机会。我一周向人们演讲几次，并且写了许多页人个人证言。救灵的负担在我身上，我所感到的责任是那么大，以致我每晚只能获得几小时的睡眠时间。{1T 576.1}[16]
§36
I sensibly felt the low state of God’s people, and every day I was aware that I had gone to the extent of my strength. While in Wright we had sent my manuscript for No. 11 to the office of publication, and I was improving almost every moment when out of meeting in writing out matter for No. 12. My energies, both physical and mental, had been severely taxed while laboring for the church in Wright. I felt that I should have rest, but could see no opportunity for relief. I was speaking to the people several times a week, and writing many pages of personal testimonies. The burden of souls was upon me, and the responsibilities I felt were so great that I could obtain but a few hours of sleep each night.?{1T 576.1}[16]
§37
在这样演讲谈话和写作的操劳中，我收到了来自巴特尔克里克令人灰心的信件。我在读这些信时，感到了一种难以言表的沮丧心情，使我的心极其痛苦，这在一段时间内似乎使我的生命活力瘫痪了。我有三晚几乎根本没睡。我的思想被扰乱，不知所措了。我尽量向我的丈夫和同情我们的家庭隐瞒我的情绪。当我与那个家庭早晚一同灵修时，没有人知道我心中的痛苦或负担，我寻求将我的负担卸给那伟大的负担背负者。但我发自一颗被痛苦折磨之心的恳求和我的祈祷都因无法控制的忧伤而支离破碎。血液冲到我的大脑，常常使我眩晕，几乎跌倒。我经常流鼻血，特别是在努力写作之后。我被迫放下我的著述，但我不能摆脱忧虑的重担和我身上的责任，因为我认识到我有见证要为别人做，而我却不能把这些见证呈现在他们面前。{1T 576.2}[17]
§38
While thus laboring in speaking and writing, I received letters of a discouraging character from Battle Creek. As I read them I felt an inexpressible depression of spirits, amounting to agony of mind, which seemed for a short period to palsy my vital energies. For three nights I scarcely slept at all. My thoughts were troubled and perplexed. I concealed my feelings as well as I could from my husband and the sympathizing family with whom we were. None knew my labor or burden of mind as I united with the family in morning and evening?devotion, and sought to lay my burden upon the great Burden Bearer. But my petitions came from a heart wrung with anguish, and my prayers were broken and disconnected because of uncontrollable grief. The blood rushed to my brain, frequently causing me to reel and nearly fall. I had the nosebleed often, especially after making an effort to write. I was compelled to lay aside my writing, but could not throw off the burden of anxiety and responsibility upon me, as I realized that I had testimonies for others which I was unable to present to them.?{1T 576.2}[17]
§39
我还收到了另一封信，告诉我最好推迟《证言》第11辑的出版，直到我能写出我蒙指示看到的有关保健院的事，因为这个机构的负责人很缺乏财力，需要我证言的影响力去推动弟兄们。我当时写出了蒙指示看到的关于保健院的一部分内容，但因脑部血压的原因不能完全写出那个题目的内容。要是我知道《证言》第12辑会耽延这么久，我就决不会寄出第11辑证言中所含有的那部分内容了。我以为在休息数日以后就能再次继续写作了。但令我极其忧伤的是，我发现我大脑的状况使我不可能写作了。无论是写普遍证言还是个人证言的念头都放弃了。而我一直处于苦恼中，因为我不能写那些证言了。{1T 577.1}[18]
§40
I received still another letter, informing me that it was thought best to defer the publication of No. 11 until I could write out that which I had been shown in regard to the Health Institute, as those in charge of that enterprise stood in great want of means and needed the influence of my testimony to move the brethren. I then wrote out a portion of that which was shown me in regard to the Institute, but could not get out the entire subject because of pressure of blood to the brain. Had I thought that No. 12 would be so long delayed, I should not in any case have sent that portion of the matter contained in No. 11. I supposed that after resting a few days I could again resume my writing. But to my great grief I found that the condition of my brain made it impossible for me to write. The idea of writing testimonies, either general or personal, was given up, and I was in continual distress because I could not write them.?{1T 577.1}[18]
§41
在这种情况下，我们决定返回巴特尔克里克，并在道路泥泞破损的状态下留在那里。我也要在那里完成《证言》第12辑。我丈夫急于要见他在巴特尔克里克的弟兄，与他们谈话，并因上帝为他所行的事与他们一起欢喜快乐。我收集起我的著作，开始了我们的行程。途中我们在奥伦奇举行了两次聚会，并有证据表明教会得到了益处受到了鼓励。我们自己也被主的灵更新了。那晚我梦见自己在巴特尔克里克，正从门上的边窗向外看，看见一群人向这房子走来，两个两个地走来。他们看上去是严厉而坚决的。我很了解他们，转身去开客厅的门要接见他们，但想到我要再看一看。场景改变了。那群人现在呈现出天主教徒游行的样子。一个人手中拿着十字架，另一个人拿着苇子。当他们接近时，拿苇子的那个从围着房子划了一个圈，说了三次：“这栋房子被查禁了。其中的财产必须没收。他们说了反对我们神圣规则的话。”我非常恐惧，跑过房间，出了北门，发现自己在一群人中，其中有些是我认识的，但我因为害怕被出卖而不敢对他们说一句话。我设法找到一个退隐之地好在那里哭泣祈求而不遇见无论我转向哪里都会见到的尖酸好奇的眼睛。我一再地说：“但愿我能明白这事！但愿他们会告诉我我说了什么或做了什么！” {1T 577.2}[19]
§42
In this state of things it was decided that we would return to Battle Creek and there remain while the roads were in a muddy, broken-up condition, and that I would there complete No. 12. My husband was very anxious to see his brethren at Battle Creek and speak to them and rejoice with them in the work which God was doing for him. I gathered up my writings, and we started on our journey. On the way we held two meetings in Orange and had evidence that the church?was profited and encouraged. We were ourselves refreshed by the Spirit of the Lord. That night I dreamed that I was in Battle Creek looking out from the side glass at the door and saw a company marching up to the house, two and two. They looked stern and determined. I knew them well and turned to open the parlor door to receive them, but thought I would look again. The scene was changed. The company now presented the appearance of a Catholic procession. One bore in his hand a cross, another a reed. And as they approached, the one carrying a reed made a circle around the house, saying three times: “This house is proscribed. The goods must be confiscated. They have spoken against our holy order.” Terror seized me, and I ran through the house, out of the north door, and found myself in the midst of a company, some of whom I knew, but I dared not speak a word to them for fear of being betrayed. I tried to seek a retired spot where I might weep and pray without meeting eager, inquisitive eyes wherever I turned. I repeated frequently: “If I could only understand this! If they will tell me what I have said or what I have done!”?{1T 577.2}[19]
§43
我哭泣并且多多祈祷，因为我看到我们的财产被没收了。我试图从我周围那些人的脸色上看出对我的同情或怜悯，并且注意到几个人的面容。我想他们若是不怕会被别人看到就会对我说话并且安慰我。我做了一次尝试要逃脱人群，但是因为我被监视了，就隐瞒了我的意图。我开始大声哭泣，并且说：“但愿他们告诉我我做了什么或者我说了什么！”我丈夫正睡在同一间屋子的一张床上，他听到我大声哭泣并唤醒了我。我的枕头被泪水浸湿了，一种沮丧的心情临到了我。{1T 578.1}[20]
§44
I wept and prayed much as I saw our goods confiscated. I tried to read sympathy or pity for me in the looks of those around me, and marked the countenances of several whom I thought would speak to me and comfort me if they did not fear that they would be observed by others. I made one attempt to escape from the crowd, but seeing that I was watched, I concealed my intentions. I commenced weeping aloud, and saying: “If they would only tell me what I have done or what I have said!” My husband, who was sleeping in a bed in the same room, heard me weeping aloud and awoke me. My pillow was wet with tears, and a sad depression of spirits was upon me.?{1T 578.1}[20]
§45
豪弟兄和姐妹陪伴我们去了西温莎。我们在那里受到了卡曼弟兄和姐妹的接待和欢迎。安息日和第一日我们遇见了来自附近地区各教会的弟兄姐妹，并且轻松自如地向他们作了我们的见证。主使人安舒的灵停留在那些对上帝的工作感到特别关心之人的身上。我们的区会聚会很好，几乎人人都作见证说他们得到了力量并且大受鼓励。{1T 578.2}[21]
§46
Brother and Sister Howe accompanied us to West Windsor, where we were received and welcomed by Brother and Sister?Carman. Sabbath and first day we met the brethren and sisters from the churches in the vicinity and had freedom in bearing our testimony to them. The refreshing Spirit of the Lord rested upon those who felt a special interest in the work of God. Our conference meetings were good, and nearly all bore testimony that they were strengthened and greatly encouraged.?{1T 578.2}[21]
§47
几天之后，我们在离开约三个月之后又回到了巴特尔克里克。在3月16日安息日，我丈夫在教会面前作了论“成圣”的证道，由《评论》的编辑作了速记报导，并在第29卷第18期上发表了。安息日的下午和第一日的上午他还作了清楚明白的演讲。我以惯常的自如态度作了我的见证。在23日安息日，我们自如地在牛顿对教会作了演讲，并且在接下来的安息日和第一日与康维斯的教会一同作工。我们计划返回北方，走48公里路，但由于路况我们不得不返回来。我丈夫因在巴特尔克里克受到的冷遇而感到极其失望，我也感到很忧伤。我们决定，我们不能向这个教会作我们的见证，直到他们给出更好的证据，证明他们想要我们的服务，并且决定在康维斯和蒙特里作工直到路况改善。接来的两个安息日我们是在康维斯度过的，并有证据表明做成了一项善工，作为现今可见的最佳结果。{1T 579.1}[22]
§48
In a few days we found ourselves again at Battle Creek after an absence of about three months. On the Sabbath, March 16, my husband delivered before the church the sermon on “Sanctification” phonographically reported by the editor of the?Review?and published in Volume 29, No. 18. He also spoke with clearness in the afternoon and on first-day forenoon. I bore my testimony with usual freedom. Sabbath, the 23d, we spoke with freedom to the church in Newton and labored with the church at Convis the following Sabbath and first day. We designed to return north and went thirty miles, but were obliged to turn back on account of the condition of the roads. My husband was terribly disappointed at the cold reception which he met at Battle Creek, and I also was grieved. We decided that we could not bear our testimony to this church till they gave better evidence that they wished our services, and concluded to labor in Convis and Monterey till the roads should improve. The two following Sabbaths we spent at Convis and have proof that a good work was done, as the best of fruits are now seen.?{1T 579.1}[22]
§49
我象一个疲倦的孩子回到巴特尔克里克的家，需要安慰的话语和鼓励。我此时要说的话使我痛苦，我们受到了弟兄们极大的冷遇，三个月前，除了我们离家的那一刻之外，我们是在完美的团结中与他们离别的。在巴特尔克里克度过的第一个晚上，我梦见我一直在非常艰苦地作工，也一直在为参加一个大型聚会而旅行，而且我十分疲惫。姐妹们在梳理我的头发，更换我的衣裳，而我则睡着了。当我醒来时，我惊讶而愤怒地发现我的衣服被剥掉了，给我披上了破旧衣服，用棉被的碎片打成结并缝合而成的。我说：“你们对我做了什么？谁做了这种可耻的事，把我的衣服剥去换成乞丐服的？”我把那件破衣烂衫扯下来扔掉了。我很忧伤，并且痛苦地大声喊道：“把我已经穿了二十三年而且从未有失体面的衣服拿回来。你们若不把我的衣服还给我，我就要告诉别人，他们会迫使你们归还我已穿了二十三年的衣服。” {1T 579.2}[23]
§50
I came home to Battle Creek like a weary child who needed comforting words and encouragement. It is painful for me here to state that we were received with great coldness by our brethren, from whom, three months before, I had parted in perfect union, excepting on the point of our leaving home. The first night spent in Battle Creek, I dreamed that I had been laboring very hard and had been traveling for the purpose of attending a large meeting, and that I was very weary.?Sisters were arranging my hair and adjusting my dress, and I fell asleep. When I awoke I was astonished and indignant to find that my garments had been removed, and there had been placed upon me old rags, pieces of bedquilts knotted and sewed together. Said I: “What have you done to me? Who has done this shameful work of removing my garments and replacing them with beggars’ rags?” I tore off the rags and threw them from me. I was grieved, and with anguish cried out: “Bring me back my garments which I have worn for twenty-three years and have not disgraced in a single instance. Unless you give me back my garments I shall appeal to the people, who will contribute and return me my own garments which I have worn twenty-three years.”?{1T 579.2}[23]
§51
我已见到了这个梦的应验。在巴特尔克里克，我们遇到了已在流传要伤害我们但却没有真实根基的谣言。一些暂时住在保健院的人和一些住在巴特尔克里克的人给在密歇根州和其它州的各教会写了信，表达了对我们的担心，怀疑和暗讽。当我听到我素来尊敬的一位同工加罪于我时，心中就充满了忧伤。他们正从四面八方听到我说过反对巴特尔克里克教会的事。我非常忧伤，以致不知道要说什么。我们发现一种强烈的控告精神在反对我们。当我们充分确信现存的情绪时，我们就感到想家了。我们是那么失望而且哀伤，以致我告诉了我们两位最主要的弟兄说，我不觉得是在家里，因为我们遇到了不信任和绝对的冷淡而不是欢迎和鼓励，而且我还得品尝那些因过度操劳和献身上帝圣工而垮掉之人所受的遭遇。然后我说，我们想我们应该搬出巴特尔克里克，寻找一个更为退隐的家。{1T 580.1}[24]
§52
I have seen the fulfillment of this dream. At Battle Creek we met reports which had been put in circulation to injure us, but which had no foundation in truth. Letters had been written by some making a temporary stay at the Health Institute, and by others living in Battle Creek, to churches in Michigan and other states, expressing fears, doubts, and insinuations in regard to us. I was filled with grief as I listened to a charge from a fellow laborer whom I had respected, that they were hearing from every quarter things which I had spoken against the church at Battle Creek. I was so grieved that I knew not what to say. We found a strong, accusing spirit against us. As we became fully convinced of the existing feelings we felt homesick. We were so disappointed and distressed that I told two of our leading brethren that I did not feel at home, as we met distrust and positive coldness instead of welcome and encouragement, and that I had yet to learn that this was the course to pursue toward those who had broken down among them by overexertion and devotion to the work of God. I then said that we thought we should move from Battle Creek and seek a more retired home.?{1T 580.1}[24]
§53
我留在家里，心中的忧伤无法测量，不敢去教会中的任何地方，恐怕受到伤害。最后，因为没有人作出努力来缓解我的心情，我觉得有责任召集一些有经验的弟兄和姐妹，来对付正在流传的关于我们的谣言。我虽然受到重压而且沮丧，甚至极其苦闷，还是驳斥了针对我的控告，叙述了我在东部一年以来的旅行，和伴随着那次旅行的痛苦环境。{1T 580.2}[25]
§54
Grieved in spirit beyond measure, I remained at home,?dreading to go anywhere among the church for fear of being wounded. Finally, as no one made an effort to relieve my feelings, I felt it to be my duty to call together a number of experienced brethren and sisters, and meet the reports which were circulating in regard to us. Weighed down and depressed, even to anguish, I met the charges against me, giving a recital of my journey east, one year since, and the painful circumstances attending that journey.?{1T 580.2}[25]
§55
我呼吁在场的人判断，依我与上帝的工作和事业的关系，我会不会说蔑视巴特尔克里克教会的话。我对这个教会毫无疏远的感觉。我对上帝的事业和工作的关心岂不与他们一样大吗？我全部的经验和生命都与它交织在一起。在这工作之外我没有另外的兴趣。我已把一切都投入在这事业中，并且不以任何牺牲为太大，为要推进它。我没有让自己对深爱之婴孩的感情，妨碍我照上帝的要求在祂的圣工中所尽的责任。母亲的爱在我心中悸动，象在任何一位母亲的心中一样强烈，可是我却与我所养育的孩子们分离，让另一个人去向他们尽母亲的本分。我已给出了明确无误的证据，证明我关心并献身上帝的圣工。我已藉我的作品表明上帝的圣工对我来说是多么宝贵。谁还能拿出比我自己更有力的证据吗？他们在真理的事业上是热心的吗？我更热心。他们献身于真理的事业吗？我能证明我比任何一个还活着从事这工作的人更热心。他们为曾为真理的缘故受苦吗？我为此受苦更多。我并不以自己的生命为宝贵。我没有躲避羞耻、苦难或艰难困苦。当亲友们对我的生命感到绝望，因为疾病正在掠夺我时，我已被我丈夫抱在怀里去乘船或坐车。有一次，在旅行直到午夜之后，我们发现自己在波士顿城，身无分文。有两到三个场合我们凭信心走了11公里。我们旅行到我的体力所能允许的远方，然后就跪在地上祈求力量好继续前行。既蒙赐予了力量，我们就能为生灵的益处恳切地作工。我们不许任何障碍阻止我们尽责或使我们与这工作分离。{1T 581.1}[26]
§56
I appealed to those present to judge whether my connection with the work and cause of God would lead me to speak lightly of the church at Battle Creek, from whom I had not the slightest alienation of feeling. Was not my interest in the cause and work of God as great as it was possible for theirs to be? My whole experience and life were interwoven with it. I had no separate interest aside from the work. I had invested everything in this cause, and had considered no sacrifice too great for me to make in order to advance it. I had not allowed affection for my loved babes to hold me back from performing my duty as God required it in His cause. Maternal love throbbed just as strongly in my heart as in the heart of any mother that lived, yet I had separated from my nursing children and allowed another to act the part of mother to them. I had given unmistakable evidences of my interest in, and devotion to, the cause of God. I have shown by my works how dear it was to me. Could any produce stronger proof than myself? Were they zealous in the cause of truth? I more. Were they devoted to it? I could prove greater devotion than anyone living engaged in the work. Had they suffered for the truth’s sake? I more. I had not counted my life dear unto me. I had not shunned reproach, suffering, or hardships. When friends and relatives had despaired of my life, because disease was preying upon me, I had been borne in my husband’s arms to the boat or cars. At one time, after traveling until midnight, we found ourselves in the city of Boston without means. On?two or three occasions we walked by faith seven miles. We traveled as far as my strength would allow and then knelt on the ground and prayed for strength to proceed. Strength was given, and we were enabled to labor earnestly for the good of souls. We allowed no obstacle to deter us from duty or separate us from the work.?{1T 581.1}[26]
§57
在这次聚会上表现的精神使我非常悲痛。我回到家，仍然负着重担，因为那些在场的人没有作任何的努力减轻我的负担，承认他们确信自己误会了我，他们对我的猜疑和控告是不公平的。他们不能定我的罪，也没有做任何努力减轻我的痛苦。{1T 582.1}[27]
§58
The spirit manifested in this meeting distressed me greatly. I returned home still burdened, as those present made no effort to relieve me by acknowledging that they were convinced that they had misjudged me and that their suspicions and accusations against me were unjust. They could not condemn me, neither did they make any effort to relieve me.?{1T 582.1}[27]
§59
我丈夫身体虚弱达十四个月之久，不能带着自己的手表或钱包，外出时也不自己驾车。但今年他带上自己的手表和钱包了。他的钱包因我们开支很大常是空的。他也自己驾车了。他在生病期间多次拒绝接受弟兄们的金钱，总计将近一千美元，告诉他们说当他需要时他会告诉他们的。我们终于到了缺乏的地步。我丈夫感到有责任在依赖别人之前，先卖掉我们能省下的东西。他有几件东西在办公室，分散在巴特尔克里克的弟兄们中间，是有一点儿价值的，他把它们收回来卖掉了。我们处理了约值一百五十美元的家具。我丈夫试图把我们的沙发卖给聚会的场所，出价十美元，但没有卖出去。这时我们唯一很有价值的母牛死了。我丈夫那时才初次感到他需要接受帮助了，就写了一封短信给一位弟兄，说教会如果认为帮助弥补母牛的损失是一件乐事就可以这么做。结果教会什么也没有做，反而指控我丈夫想钱想疯了。弟兄们很了解他，知道他不到迫不得已是不会请求帮助的。他提出请求，非但不受理睬，反而对我和我丈夫的心情妄加论断，在我们贫乏和深切的苦难中以此来伤害我们。{1T 582.2}[28]
§60
For fifteen months my husband had been so feeble that he had not carried his watch or purse, or driven his own team when riding out. But with the present year he had taken his watch and purse, the latter empty in consequence of our great expenses, and had driven his own team. He had, during his sickness, refused at different times to accept money from his brethren to the amount of nearly one thousand dollars, telling them that when he was in want he would let them know it. We were at last brought to want. My husband felt it his duty, before becoming dependent, to first sell what we could spare. He had some few things at the office, and scattered among the brethren in Battle Creek, of little value, which he collected and sold. We disposed of nearly one hundred and fifty dollars worth of furniture. My husband tried to sell our sofa for the meetinghouse, offering to give ten dollars of its value, but could not. At this time our only and very valuable cow died. My husband then for the first time felt that he could receive help, and addressed a note to a brother, stating that if the church would esteem it a pleasure to make up the loss of the cow they might do so. But nothing was done about it only to charge my husband with being insane on the subject of money. The brethren knew him well enough to know that he would?never ask for help unless driven to it by stern necessity. And now that he had done it, judge of his feelings and mine when no notice was taken of the matter only to use it to wound us in our want and deep affliction.?{1T 582.2}[28]
§61
在这次聚会上，我丈夫谦卑地承认他在几件这样的事情上做错了。他原本决不应该做那几件事，也决不会做的，只是因为担心弟兄们，而且想做正确的事情，与教会团结一致。这使那些伤害他的人显然轻视他。我们谦卑到了尘埃，并且悲痛得难以言表。在这种局面中，我们动身去蒙特里赴约。在旅途中我的精神感到最剧烈的痛苦。我设法给自己解释为什么弟兄们不理解我们的工作。我们曾感到相当有把握，以为我们若与弟兄们会面，他们就会知道我们是出自怎样的精神，而且在他们里面的上帝的灵会响应在我们里面的同一位灵。我们只是祂谦卑的仆人。于是我们在思想感情上就会合而为一。然而事与愿违，我们反而受到了不信任和猜疑。这是我遭遇最大困惑的原因之一。当我正这样思想时，1865年12月25日在罗彻斯特赐给我之异象的一部分内容象一道闪电临到我心中，我立刻将之叙述给了我丈夫：{1T 583.1}[29]
§62
At this meeting my husband humbly confessed that he was wrong in several things of this nature, which he never should have done and never would have done but for fear of his brethren and a desire to be just right and in union with the church. This led those who were injuring him to apparently despise him. We were humbled into the very dust and distressed beyond expression. In this state of things we started to fill an appointment at Monterey. On the journey I suffered the keenest anguish of spirit. I tried to explain to myself why it was that our brethren did not understand in regard to our work. I had felt quite sure that when we should meet them they would know what spirit we were of, and that the Spirit of God in them would answer to the same in us, His humble servants, and there would be union of feeling and sentiment. Instead of this we were distrusted and suspiciously watched, which was a cause of the greatest perplexity I ever experienced. As I was thus thinking, a portion of the vision given me at Rochester, December 25, 1865, came like a flash of lightning to my mind, and I immediately related it to my husband:?{1T 583.1}[29]
§63
我蒙指示看到一丛树靠在一起，围成一圈。一棵葡萄树跑到这些树之上，在顶部遮盖它们并且依靠在它们上面，形成一个凉亭。不久我看到那些树来回摇摆，好像被大风催逼一样。那葡萄树的枝子一个接一个地从它的支撑上摇下来，直到那棵葡萄树从这些树上被摇下来，仅剩几个卷须依附在较低的树枝上。然后有一个人走过来，把剩下的那几个卷须也切断了，葡萄树就仆倒在地上。{1T 583.2}[30]
§64
I was shown a cluster of trees standing near together, forming a circle. Running up over these trees was a vine which covered them at the top and rested upon them, forming an arbor. Soon I saw the trees swaying to and fro, as though moved by a powerful wind. One branch after another of the vine was shaken from its support until the vine was shaken loose from the trees except a few tendrils which were left clinging to the lower branches. A person then came up and severed the remaining clinging tendrils of the vine, and it lay prostrated upon the earth.?{1T 583.2}[30]
§65
当我看到那棵葡萄树躺在地上时，我心中的悲痛和苦闷无法形容。许多人经过，同情地看着它，我则焦急地等待着一支友好的手把它扶起来；但没有人提供帮助。我询问为何没有手扶起那葡萄树。不久我看到一位天使来到那显然为人所弃的葡萄树那里。他展开双臂放在葡萄树下，扶它起来，好使它站直，说：“要向天站立，让你的卷须缠绕上帝。你被摇动脱离了人的支持。本着上帝的力量，你就能没有人的支持而站立并且生长茂盛。要唯独依靠上帝，你决不会徒然倚靠，也不会从那里被摇动掉。”我感到了难以言表的释放，全都是喜乐，因为我看到那遭忽视的葡萄树受到了关怀。我转向天使，询问这事的意思是什么。他说：“你就是这棵葡萄树。这一切你都要经历，然后，当这些事发生时，你就要充分明白葡萄树的比喻了。上帝必作你患难中随时的帮助。”从此时起我就在我的职责上坚定了，在向人们作我的见证时也无比自由了。在那次聚会上，我总是感到主的膀臂在扶持着我。我丈夫在讲道时也很轻松自如，所有人的见证都是：我们有了一次极好的聚会。{1T 583.3}[31]
§66
The distress and anguish of my mind as I saw the vine?lying upon the ground was beyond description. Many passed and looked pityingly upon it, and I waited anxiously for a friendly hand to raise it; but no help was offered. I inquired why no hand raised the vine. Presently I saw an angel come to the apparently deserted vine. He spread out his arms and placed them beneath the vine and raised it so that it stood upright, saying: “Stand toward heaven, and let thy tendrils entwine about God. Thou art shaken from human support. Thou canst stand, in the strength of God, and flourish without it. Lean upon God alone, and thou shalt never lean in vain, or be shaken therefrom.” I felt inexpressible relief, amounting to joy, as I saw the neglected vine cared for. I turned to the angel and inquired what these things meant. Said he: “Thou art this vine. All this thou wilt experience, and then, when these things occur, thou shalt fully understand the figure of the vine. God will be to thee a present help in time of trouble.” From this time I was settled as to my duty and never more free in bearing my testimony to the people. If I ever felt the arm of the Lord holding me up, it was at that meeting. My husband was also free and clear in his preaching, and the testimony of all was: We have had an excellent meeting.?{1T 583.3}[31]
§67
我们从蒙特里回来之后，我感到有责任召集另一次聚会，因为我的弟兄们没有作出任何努力释放我的心情。我决定本着上帝的力量前进，再次表达我的体谅并且使我自己脱离种种猜疑和已流传要伤害我们的许多谣言。我作了我的见证，并且叙述了我蒙指示看到的在场的一些人过去的一些事，警告他们的危险并且责备了他们的错误行径。我说我曾被置于极其令人不快的位置。当许多家庭和个人在异象中被带到我面前时，常有的情形是，我蒙指示看到的关于他们的事具有私人的性质，责备隐密的罪。我为一些人工作了好几个月，处理他们那些别人不知道的错误。当我的弟兄们看到这些人悲愁，又听到他们对于自己是否蒙上帝悦纳表示怀疑及失望的情绪时，弟兄们就责难我，好像我因为使他们受考验而该受责备似的。那些这样责难我的人完全不知道自己在说什么。我抗议人们象检察官一样坐下来审察我的行动方针。所指派给我的责备私人罪恶的工作一直是不讨人喜欢的。要是我为了防止猜疑和嫉妒而完全说明我的做法，并且公开应该保持私密的事，我就会得罪上帝，错待人。我必须私下责备私人的错误，将之禁闭在我自己的心里。让别人照他们所能的去论断吧，我决不能辜负犯错而悔改的人对我寄予的信任，也不会向别人透露只应带到有罪之人面前的事。我告诉那些与会的人，他们必须把手拿开，让我本着敬畏上帝的心自由行动。我离开聚会时解脱了重担。{1T 584.1}[32]
§68
After we returned from Monterey, I felt it my duty to call another meeting, as my brethren made no effort to relieve my feelings. I decided to move forward in the strength of God and again express my feelings and free myself from the suspicions and reports circulated to our injury. I bore my testimony and related things which had been shown me in the past history of some present, warning them of their dangers and reproving their wrong course of action. I stated that I had been placed in most disagreeable positions. When families and individuals were brought before me in vision, it was frequently the case that what was shown me in relation to them was of a private nature, reproving secret sins. I have labored with some for months in regard to wrongs of which others knew nothing. As my brethren see these persons sad,?and hear them express doubts in regard to their acceptance with God, also feelings of despondency, they have cast censure upon me, as though I were to blame for their being in trial. Those who thus censured me were entirely ignorant of what they were talking about. I protested against persons’ sitting as inquisitors upon my course of action. It has been the disagreeable work assigned me to reprove private sins. Were I, in order to prevent suspicions and jealousy, to give a full explanation of my course, and make public that which should be kept private, I should sin against God and wrong the individuals. I have to keep private reproofs of private wrongs to myself, locked in my own breast. Let others judge as they may, I will never betray the confidence reposed in me by the erring and repentant, or reveal to others that which should only be brought before the ones that are guilty. I told those assembled that they must take their hands off and leave me free to act in the fear of God. I left the meeting relieved of a heavy burden.?{1T 584.1}[32]