第13章 婚后生活的责任
§1
第13章 婚后生活的责任
§2
Responsibilities of Married Life
§3
我亲爱的弟兄和姐妹：你们方今已缔结了终身之约。你们在婚姻生活上的教育现已开始了。婚后生活的第一年，乃是经验之年；在这一年中，夫妻彼此学习认识对方品性的特质，正如儿童在学校中学习功课一般。在你们婚后第一年的生活中，不要让什么事故破坏你们未来的幸福。{3TT 95.1}[1]
§4
My Dear Brother and Sister,You have united in a lifelong covenant. Your education in married life has begun. The first year of married life is a year of experience, a year in which husband and wife learn each other’s different traits of character, as a child learns lessons in school. In this, the first year of your married life, let there be no chapters that will mar your future happiness.?{3TT 95.1}[1]
§5
对于婚姻的关系，要得到正确的体验，这乃是一生的工作。凡结婚的人就是进入了一所学校；他们今生是决不能从这所学校中毕业的。{3TT 95.2}[2]
§6
To gain a proper understanding of the marriage relation is the work of a lifetime. Those who marry enter a school from which they are never in this life to be graduated.?{3TT 95.2}[2]
§7
我的弟兄，你妻子的光阴，精力，及幸福，从此是与你相联系了。你在她身上的影响，可成为活的香气叫她活，或是死的香气叫她死。所以你当极其慎重，不要败坏了她的人生。.{3TT 95.3}[3]
§8
My brother, your wife’s time and strength and happiness are now bound up with yours. Your influence over her may be a savor of life unto life or of death unto death. Be very careful not to spoil her life.?{3TT 95.3}[3]
§9
我的姐妹，你现在是要学习关乎婚姻生活的实际责任的开端。你务须天天忠实地学习这些教训。心中切不可让步于不满或抑郁之念，也不可渴望度一个舒适及闲散的生活。要时刻提防，不叫自私之心得势。{3TT 95.4}[4]
§10
My sister, you are now to learn your first practical lessons in regard to the responsibilities of married life. Be sure to learn these lessons faithfully day by day. Do not give way to discontent or moodiness. Do not long for a life of ease and inactivity. Guard constantly against giving way to selfishness.?{3TT 95.4}[4]
§11
在你们的终身结合中，你们的爱情应当增进彼此的幸福，各人都要为对方的幸福服务。这是上帝对于你们的旨意。你们虽已结合为一体，但不要让各人的个性消失在对方之中，因为你们的个性是属于上帝的。你们要向衪请教：什么是对？什么是错？我可以怎样最好地实现主创造我的宗旨呢？“你们不是自己的人，因为你们是重价买来的，所以要在你们的身子上荣耀上帝”（林前6:19，20）。你爱人之心，应当次于爱上帝。你丰富的情感，应当流向那为你舍命的主。人既为上帝而活，就要把最美好、最崇高的感情奉献给祂。你有把你最大的爱潮涌向为你舍命的主吗？如果有的话，你们相互的爱情就必按照上天的等次了。{3TT 95.5}[5]
§12
In your life union your affections are to be tributary to each other’s happiness. Each is to minister to the happiness of the other. This is the will of God concerning you. But while you are to blend as one, neither of you is to lose his or her individuality in the other. God is the owner of your individuality. Of Him you are to ask: What is right? What is wrong? How may I best fulfill the purpose of my creation? “Ye are not your own; for ye are bought with a price:?therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”?1 Corinthians 6:19, 20. Your love for that which is human is to be secondary to your love for God. The wealth of your affection is to flow forth to Him who gave His life for you. Living for God, the soul sends forth to Him its best and highest affections. Is the greatest outflow of your love toward Him who died for you? If it is, your love for each other will be after heaven’s order.{3TT 95.5}[5]
§13
爱情尽可清明如水晶，有纯净之美；但是因为还没有受过测验及试炼的缘故，也许仍嫌浮浅。因此你当在凡事上以基督为始，为终，为至善。你若常常地仰望衪，则你爱衪的心在受患难试验的时候，就能天天加深加强。你爱主的心既然加增，你们彼此之间的爱情亦可更深更强。“我们众人既然敞着脸得以看见主的荣光，好像从镜子里返照，就变成主的形状，荣上加荣，如同从主的灵变成的”（林后3:18）。{3TT 96.1}[6]
§14
Affection may be as clear as crystal and beauteous in its purity, yet it may be shallow because it has not been tested and tried. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. Constantly behold Him, and your love for Him will daily become deeper and stronger as it is submitted to the test of trial. And as your love for Him increases, your love for each other will grow deeper and stronger. “We all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory.”?2 Corinthians 3:18.?{3TT 96.1}[6]
§15
而今你有些当尽的义务，是你们婚前所没有的。“所以你们……要存怜悯、恩慈、谦虚、温柔、忍耐的心。”“也要凭爱心行事，正如基督爱我们。”应当留心研究以下的训勉：“你们作妻子的，当顺服自己的丈夫，如同顺服主。因为丈夫是妻子的头，如同基督是教会的头；……教会怎样顺服基督，妻子也要怎样凡事顺服丈夫。你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会，为教会舍己”（西3:12；弗5:2，22-25）。{3TT 96.2}[7]
§16
You now have duties to perform that before your marriage you did not have. “Put on therefore, ... kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering.” “Walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us.” Give careful study to the following instruction: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. ... Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.”?Colossians 3:12;?Ephesians 5:2, 22-25.?{3TT 96.2}[7]
§17
【幸福的诀窍】
§18
婚姻乃是终身的结合，象征基督与衪教会的结合。基督向教会所表现的精神，在夫妻之间亦当彼此表现出来。{3TT 96.3}[8]
§19
【The Secret of Happiness】
§20
Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that Christ manifests toward the church is the spirit that husband and wife are to manifest toward each other.?{3TT 96.3}[8]
§21
无论是丈夫或妻子，都不应求取主宰之权。关于此事，主已制定一个指导的原则。丈夫要爱护妻子，正如基督爱护教会，妻子也当敬爱丈夫。双方都要培养仁慈的精神，决心不使对方受苦受损。?{3TT 96.4}[9]
§22
Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership.?The Lord has laid down the principle that is to guide in this matter. The husband is to cherish his wife as Christ cherishes the church. And the wife is to respect and love her husband. Both are to cultivate the spirit of kindness, being determined never to grieve or injure the other.?{3TT 96.4}[9]
§23
我的弟兄和姐妹，你们俩人都有坚强的意志力。你们可以使这种能力对于你们自己及与你们接近的人，成为大福或大害。切不可试图迫使对方顺应你的心意而行。因为你这样行就不能保持彼此的爱情。自私意志的表现会毁灭了家庭的平安与幸福。不要让你们的婚姻生活成为一个争执的生活；如果这样，你们俩人便都没有快乐了。应当言谈柔和，行动优雅，放弃你们自己的心愿。要谨慎自己的言语；因为言语对于为善为恶都有强大的影响力。语气之中不可带有尖刻的意味。应当将基督化的馨香之气带入你们联合的生命里。{3TT 97.1}[10]
§24
My brother and sister, both of you have strong will power. You may make this power a great blessing or a great curse to yourselves and to those with whom you come in contact. Do not try to compel each other to do as you wish. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Manifestations of self-will destroy the peace and happiness of the home. Let not your married life be one of contention. If you do you will both be unhappy. Be kind in speech and gentle in action, giving up your own wishes. Watch well your words, for they have a powerful influence for good or for ill. Allow no sharpness to come into your voices. Bring into your united life the fragrance of Christlikeness.?{3TT 97.1}[10]
§25
在一个人进入这样密切的结合如婚姻关系之前，他应当先学习如何克己以及如何待人。{3TT 97.2}[11]
§26
Before a man enters a union as close as the marriage relation, he should learn how to control himself and how to deal with others.?{3TT 97.2}[11]
§27
【训练儿童】
§28
在训练儿童时，母亲坚定及成熟的意志，有时会遭遇到儿童无理由及未受训练的意志所反对。此时，母亲这一方面是需要非常智慧的。管理不智及严厉的强迫，对于儿童恐有大害。{3TT 97.3}[12]
§29
【Training the Child】
§30
In the training of a child there are times when the firm, matured will of the mother meets the unreasoning, undisciplined will of the child. At such times there is need of great wisdom on the part of the mother. By unwise management, by stern compulsion, great harm may be done the child.?{3TT 97.3}[12]
§31
无论何时，都当尽力避免这种危机；因为这是会使母子双方引起严重冲突的。但何时一有了这种危机，务须引导儿童降服自己的意志，去顺从父母更聪明的意志。{3TT 97.4}[13]
§32
Whenever possible, this crisis should be avoided; for it means a severe struggle for both mother and child. But once such a crisis is entered into, the child must be led to yield its will to the wiser of the parent.?{3TT 97.4}[13]
§33
母亲应当完全约束自己，不要激起儿童反抗的精神。她不可用大声发命。她若常保持低声和气，必收效更大。她应付儿童的方法，是要吸引他来就耶稣。她应当认识上帝为她的帮助者；爱就是她的能力。如果她是一个聪明的基督徒，她就不会试图以强力去迫使儿童顺服。她要恳切地祈祷，使仇敌不能得到胜利，而且在她祈祷的时候，她就会自觉灵性生活的复新。她要见到那在她里面运行的能力，同时也在儿童里面运行，使他变得更柔和，更顺服。这战争就获胜了。她的忍耐，她的慈爱，以及她那聪明有约束的话语，都已成全其任务了。这种暴风雨之后的平静，正如雨后的阳光一般。那注视这番景象的天使，也要发出快乐的歌声来。{3TT 97.5}[14]
§34
The mother should keep herself under perfect control, doing nothing that will arouse in the child a spirit of defiance. She is to give no loud-voiced commands. She will gain much by keeping the voice low and gentle. She is to deal with the?child in a way that will draw him to Jesus. She is to realize that God is her Helper; love, her power. If she is a wise Christian she does not attempt to force the child to submit. She prays earnestly that the enemy shall not obtain the victory, and, as she prays, she is conscious of a renewal of spiritual life. She sees that the same power that is working in her is working also in the child. He becomes more gentle, more submissive. The battle is won. Her patience, her kindness, her words of wise restraint, have done their work. There is peace after the storm, like the shining of the sun after rain. And the angels, who have been watching the scene, break forth into songs of joy.?{3TT 97.5}[14]
§35
在夫妻的生活上，除非有上帝之灵的管束，也会有这种危机来到；往往表现出冲动及无理的精神，正如儿童所常犯的一样。那时意志与意志相冲突，好像火石击打火石。{3TT 98.1}[15]
§36
【Unselfishness】
§37
These crises come also in the life of husband and wife, who, unless controlled by the Spirit of God, will at such times manifest the impulsive, unreasoning spirit so often manifested by children. As flint striking flint will be the conflict of will with will.?{3TT 98.1}[15]
§38
我的弟兄，你当和善，忍耐，及宽容。须记得你的妻子接受你为她的丈夫，并非要你来管理她，乃是要你作她的帮手。你切不可傲慢独裁。切不可用你强固的意志力，去迫使你的妻子随从你的心意而行。当记得她也有她的意志，也要实现她自己的主张，正如你要实现你的主张一样。也当记得因为你有更广泛的经验，已比她占有优势。务要体谅她，也要用礼貌对待她。“惟独从上头来的智慧，先是清洁，后是和平，温良柔顺，满有怜悯，多结善果”（雅3:17）。{3TT 98.2}[16]
§39
My brother, be kind, patient, forbearing. Remember that your wife accepted you as her husband, not that you might rule over her, but that you might be her helper. Never be overbearing and dictatorial. Do not exert your strong will power to compel your wife to do as you wish. Remember that she has a will and that she may wish to have her way as much as you wish to have yours. Remember, too, that you have the advantage of your wider experience. Be considerate and courteous. “The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits.”?James 3:17.?{3TT 98.2}[16]
§40
有一种胜利是你们双方所必须取得的──那就是制伏顽强的意志。在这场战争上，你们只有藉着基督的帮助才能够得胜。你们或图以艰苦的长期的奋斗来制胜自己，但你们若不领受那从上面来的力量，仍是会失败的。靠着基督的恩典，你们能够战胜自我与自私。你们若过衪所过的生活，步步自我牺牲，不断向需要帮助的人表现更强的同情心，就必胜了又胜。你们将天天更好地了解如何战胜自我，如何加强品格上的弱点。由于你们让自己的意志顺服衪的旨意，主耶稣就要成为你们的亮光，你们的力量和你们喜乐的冠冕。?{3TT 98.3}[17]
§41
One victory it is positively essential for you both to gain, the victory over the stubborn will. In this struggle you can conquer only by the aid of Christ. You may struggle hard and long to subdue self, but you will fail unless you receive strength from on high. By the grace of Christ you can gain?the victory over self and selfishness. As you live His life, showing self-sacrifice at every step, constantly revealing a stronger sympathy for those in need of help, you will gain victory after victory. Day by day you will learn better how to conquer self and how to strengthen your weak points of character. The Lord Jesus will be your light, your strength, your crown of rejoicing, because you yield your will to His will.?{3TT 98.3}[17]
§42
男女双方若果肯以基督为帮助者，就可达到上帝期许于他们的理想。应当向上帝作毫无保留的归顺。你们若知道自己正在努力争取永生，这种认识就会坚固并安慰你们。基督能赐你们力量去得胜。藉着衪的帮助，你们便能完全除净自私的恶根。{3TT 99.1}[18]
§43
Men and women may reach God’s ideal for them if they will take Christ as their Helper. Make an unreserved surrender to God. To know that you are striving for eternal life will strengthen and comfort you. Christ can give you power to overcome. By His help you can utterly destroy the root of selfishness.?{3TT 99.1}[18]
§44
基督死了，是要使人的生命与衪的生命可以在神性及人性的结合中联系起来。衪降生到我们的世上，过了一种神人协体的生活，为使一般男女的生活也可以过得和谐，一如上帝所期望于他们的。救主呼请你们要克己背起十字架来。如此便没有什么可以阻碍全人的发展，而且在日常的经验中也将显出健全及和谐的行动来了。.{3TT 99.2}[19]
§45
Christ died that the life of man might be bound up with His life in the union of divinity and humanity. He came to our world and lived a divine-human life, in order that the lives of men and women might be as harmonious as God designs them to be. The Saviour calls upon you to deny self and take up the cross. Then nothing will prevent the development of the whole being. The daily experience will reveal healthy, harmonious action.?{3TT 99.2}[19]
§46
【减轻他人的痛苦】
§47
我亲爱的弟兄及姐妹，须记得：上帝就是爱，藉着衪的恩典，你们便可以在增进彼此幸福的事上获致成功，一如你们在婚约上所应许要作的。并且在救赎主的大能中，你们可以有智慧，有力量，去帮助某些弯曲的人生，在上帝里面成为正直。有什么事是基督所不能作成的呢？衪是全智，全义，全爱的。不要把自己禁锢在你们自己的范围之内，不要以全部的爱情只倾注在夫妻之间为满足。应当把握住每一个机会，为你们周围的人群谋福，使他们分享你们的爱。仁慈的言语，同情的态度，感激的表示，对于艰苦奋斗与孤怜寂寞的人，正如一杯凉水之于干渴的人一般。一句快乐的言语，一种仁慈的行为，都可以减轻那压在疲乏之肩上的重负。在不自私的服务中，可寻得真正的幸福。并且作这种服务的每一言行，都要记录在天上的案卷中，如同是为基督而作的一样。主宣布：“这些事你们既作在我这弟兄中一个最小的身上，就是作在我身上了”（太25:40）。?{3TT 99.3}[20]
§48
【Lightening the Pathway of Others】
§49
Remember, my dear brother and sister, that God is love and that by His grace you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage pledge you promised to do. And in the strength of the Redeemer you can work with wisdom and power to help some crooked life to be straight in God. What is there that Christ cannot do? He is perfect in wisdom, in righteousness, in love. Do not shut yourselves up to yourselves, satisfied to pour out all your affection upon each other. Seize every opportunity to contribute to the happiness of those around you, sharing with them your affection. Words of kindness, looks of sympathy, expressions of?appreciation, would to many a struggling, lonely one be as a cup of cold water to a thirsty soul. A word of cheer, an act of kindness, would go far to lighten the burdens that are resting heavily upon weary shoulders. It is in unselfish ministry that true happiness is found. And every word and deed of such service is recorded in the books of heaven as done for Christ. “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these My brethren,” He declares, “ye have done it unto Me.”?Matthew 25:40.?{3TT 99.3}[20]
§50
你们应当生活于救主之爱的阳光中，如此，你们的感化力就会造福于人群。但愿基督的灵管束你们，慈爱的律法长留在你们的嘴唇之间。凡是重生在基督里度新生活的人，在他的言语及行为上都有包容及无私的标志。?{3TT 100.1}[21]
§51
Live in the sunshine of the Saviour’s love. Then your influence will bless the world. Let the Spirit of Christ control you. Let the law of kindness be ever on your lips. Forbearance and unselfishness mark the words and actions of those who are born again, to live the new life in Christ.?{3TT 100.1}[21]
§52
“我们没有一个人为自己活”（罗14:7）。人的品格总是要显明出来的。面色，声调，行动，──都各有其影响，足使家门之内的人受损或蒙福。这一切足以形成儿童的气质与品格；激发或破坏人的信心与爱心。这些影响能使全家成为更好或更坏，快乐或忧闷。我们对于家人负有责任，将这道的知识引用在实际生活之中。凡是能够使那些与我们有家庭关系的人得到纯洁，教化，安慰和鼓励的事，我们都应当作成。(7T45-50.1902年)?{3TT 100.2}[22]
§53
“None of us liveth to himself.” The character will manifest itself. The looks, the tone of the voice, the actions,—all have their influence in making or marring the happiness of the domestic circle. They are molding the temper and character of the children; they are inspiring or tending to destroy confidence and love. All are made either better or worse, happy or miserable, by these influences. We owe our families the knowledge of the word brought into practical life. All that it is possible for us to be to purify, enlighten, comfort, and encourage those connected with us in family relation should be done.?{3TT 100.2}[22]
§54
在我们这个世界上，有许多人渴望应得的爱护与同情。许多人爱自己的妻子，却太自私，没有表明这种爱。他们有一种虚假的庄严与骄傲，不愿用言语和行为表示自己的爱。许多男子从不了解妻子的心是多么地渴望那含有柔情蜜意与称许的话语。他们在心爱的人去世的时候，反倒抱怨上帝的天意夺去了他们的伴侣；一旦他们能洞察其伴侣的内心生活，就会看出她们早逝的原因，完全是由他们自己的行为造成。基督的宗教要使我们仁慈有礼，不固执己见，刚愎自用。我们应该向自我死，看别人比自己强。(3T527,528.1875年){3TT 100.3}[23]
§55
There are many in our world who are starving for the love and sympathy which should be given them. Many men love their wives, but are too selfish to manifest it. They have a false dignity and pride, and will not show their love by words and deeds. There are many men who never know how starved is the heart of the wife for words of tender?appreciation and affection. They bury their loved ones from their sight and murmur at the providence of God that has deprived them of their companions, when, could they look into the inner life of those companions, they would see that their own course was the cause of their premature death. The religion of Christ will lead us to be kind and courteous and not so tenacious of our opinions. We should die to self, and esteem others better than ourselves.—1875,?Testimonies for the Church 3:527, 528.?{3TT 100.3}[23]