第27章 父母与儿女
§1
第27章 父母与儿女
§2
Parents and Children
§3
我蒙指示，敬畏上帝的父母在管教儿女之前，应当研究他们的脾气，性情，并设法应付他们的需要。有些父母只注意到儿女们今生物质上的需要，在他们有病之时，慈爱而真诚地照护他们，然后以为已尽了自己的责任。其实他们是错了。他们的工作不过才开始呢。他们该当照应儿女们精神上的需要。要运用合适的救药，去治疗受伤之脑筋，这是需要技巧的。{1TT 133.1}[1]
§4
I have been shown that while parents who have the fear of God before them restrain their children, they should study their dispositions and temperaments, and seek to meet their wants. Some parents attend carefully to the temporal wants of their children; they kindly and faithfully nurse them in sickness, and then think their duty done. Here they mistake. Their work has but just begun. The wants of the mind should be cared for. It requires skill to apply the proper remedies to cure a wounded mind.?{1TT 133.1}[1]
§5
儿女们所受的试炼是很艰难的，在性质上也是很惨重的，正如年长的人所受的一样。父母们自己的感觉并不是始终如一的。他们的脑筋往往烦乱不定。他们在错误的观感之下劳力伤神。撒但打击他们，他们就屈从他的试探。他们说话急躁，在态度上也是激起儿女的怒气，常是苛责及暴躁。那可怜的儿女也赋有这同样的精神，父母们没有预备好帮助他们，因为麻烦的根源，就是父母自己。有时似乎是事事不对，到处生气，大家都过着很苦恼很不快乐的日子。父母们归罪于可怜的儿女，以为他们是很不听话及不受教，是世界上最坏的儿女，其实那些纷乱的根源，却是在父母自己的身上。{1TT 133.2}[2]
§6
Children have trials just as hard to bear, just as grievous in character, as those of older persons. Parents themselves do not feel the same at all times. Their minds are often perplexed. They labor under mistaken views and feelings. Satan buffets them, and they yield to his temptations. They speak irritably, and in a manner to excite wrath in their children, and are sometimes exacting and fretful. The poor children partake of the same spirit, and the parents are not prepared to help them, for they were the cause of the trouble. Sometimes everything seems to go wrong. There is fretfulness all around, and all have a very miserable, unhappy time. The parents lay the blame upon their poor children and think them very disobedient and unruly, the worst children in the world, when the cause of the disturbance is in themselves.?{1TT 133.2}[2]
§7
有些父母因为缺乏自制，往往引起风波。他们没有和气地叫儿女们作这作那，只是粗声厉色地下命令，同时口中却吹毛求疵，乱加无理指责。父母们哪，你们这种作风，是会破坏儿女的快活及志气的。他们行你们所吩咐的，不是出于爱心，乃是因为不敢不行。他们的心没有放在事情上。他们作事勉强，毫无快乐，这种情形往往使他们忘了照你们全部吩咐而行，结果又增加了你们的躁怒，对于儿女尤其不利。这样一再地吹毛求疵，把他们的错行新鲜陈列在他们面前，终至他们变成灰心丧志，对于凡事无所喜恶，养成了一种“不在乎”的精神。他们离开家庭，离开父母，到外面去寻欢作乐，因为在家中没有快乐，就去与街头游伴相混，不久就堕落成了极坏的儿童。?{1TT 133.3}[3]
§8
Some parents raise many a storm by their lack of self-control. Instead of kindly asking the children to do this or that, they order them in a scolding tone, and at the same time a censure or reproof is on their lips which the children have not merited. Parents, this course pursued toward your children?destroys their cheerfulness and ambition. They do your bidding, not from love, but because they dare not do otherwise. Their heart is not in the matter. It is a drudgery, instead of a pleasure, and this often leads them to forget to follow out all your directions, which increases your irritation, and makes it still worse for the children. The faultfinding is repeated, their bad conduct arrayed before them in glowing colors, until discouragement comes over them, and they are not particular whether they please or not. A spirit of “I don’t care” seizes them, and they seek that pleasure and enjoyment away from home, away from their parents, which they do not find at home. They mingle with street company and are soon as corrupt as the worst.?{1TT 133.3}[3]
§9
【父母能够做什么】
§10
这件大罪该由谁来负责呢？如果家庭是引人喜爱的，如果父母表现自己对儿女的爱情，以仁慈使用他们帮忙作事，用爱心教导他们如何顺从父母的心意，这样，就是触动了他们心中响应的心弦，使他们的心，手，足都乐意顺从父母行事了。父母应当约束自己，说话和爱，在儿女们要行良好之事时，称赞他们，这样就可鼓励他们努力,使他们很快乐，并使全家满堂春风，吹散一切阴影，普照喜乐阳光。{1TT 134.1}[4]
§11
【What Parents May Do】
§12
Upon whom rests this great sin? If home had been made attractive, if the parents had manifested affection for their children, and with kindness found employment for them, and in love instructed them how to obey their wishes, they would have touched an answering chord in their hearts, and willing feet and hands and hearts would all have readily obeyed them. By controlling themselves, and speaking kindly, and praising the children when they try to do right, parents may encourage their efforts, make them very happy, and throw over the family circle a charm which will chase away every dark shadow and bring cheerful sunlight in.?{1TT 134.1}[4]
§13
有时父母原谅自己的过错，说是当时的心情不好。他们的神经紧张，以为自己无法忍耐，镇静，及快乐地说话。他们这样，乃是自欺，并使撒但开心，撒但因他们没有认清上帝的恩典足够他们克服其本性的弱点而欢跃。他们是能够和应当时时自制的。这是上帝要他们行的。他们应当明白，在自己急躁暴怒之时，也是使别人受苦的。他们周围的人,都要受他们所表现的精神影响，如果别人也实行这同样的精神，就必增加恶毒，而使事事不良了。?{1TT 134.2}[5]
§14
Parents sometimes excuse their own wrong course because they do not feel well. They are nervous, and think they cannot be patient and calm, and speak pleasantly. In this they deceive themselves and please Satan, who exults that the grace of God is not regarded by them as sufficient to overcome natural infirmities. They can and should at all times control themselves. God requires it of them. They should realize that when they yield to impatience and fretfulness they cause?others to suffer. Those around them are affected by the spirit they manifest, and if they in their turn act out the same spirit, the evil is increased and everything goes wrong.?{1TT 134.2}[5]
§15
父母们哪，在你们觉得心中烦躁之时，切莫把这危险的急怒毒气传给全家的人，以致陷入大罪。在此之时，应当加倍自守，下定决心不以口犯罪，以便只说快乐鼓励的话。应当对自己说：“我决不说一句躁怒的话，损害我儿女的快乐。”你们若能这样自制，就必更强壮起来，你们的神经系统，也不至于那样敏感了。正义的原理要使你们刚强。你们觉得自己是忠实尽了本分，就可坚固你们。上帝的众天使见到你们的努力，便面有笑容，并帮助你们。{1TT 135.1}[6]
§16
Parents, when you feel fretful, you should not commit so great a sin as to poison the whole family with this dangerous irritability. At such times set a double watch over yourselves, and resolve in your heart not to offend with your lips, that you will utter only pleasant, cheerful words. Say to yourselves: “I will not mar the happiness of my children by a fretful word.” By thus controlling yourselves, you will grow stronger. Your nervous system will not be so sensitive. You will be strengthened by the principles of right. The consciousness that you are faithfully discharging your duty will strengthen you. Angels of God will smile upon your efforts and help you.?{1TT 135.1}[6]
§17
在你们急躁之时，往往以为错在儿女身上，责备他们，其实他们是不应受这责备的；也许他们在别的时候，行这同样的事，却要受你们的嘉奖，和认为是对的。儿女们是知道的，他们会注意并会觉到这些反复无常，及朝是夕非之事的。有时他们已有几分预备，可以应付这种变化的情绪，但另一些时候，他们却是神经不安，性情急躁，忍受不住人的责难，便燃起了反抗的精神。父母们只知道要一切来体谅自己的心情，却不知道自己也必须照样体谅那可怜的儿女们的心情。在有些事情上，他们宽恕自己，但对于那在多年的经验和训练上都不及自己的儿女，若行了同样的事，他们便大加苛责。{1TT 135.2}[7]
§18
When you feel impatient, you too often think the cause is in your children, and you blame them when they do not deserve it. At another time they might do the very same things and all would be acceptable and right. Children know, and mark, and feel these irregularities, and?they?are not always the same. At times they are somewhat prepared to meet changeable moods, and at other times they are nervous and fretful, and cannot bear censure. Their spirit rises up in rebellion against it. Parents want all due allowance made for their state of mind, yet do not always see the necessity of making the same allowance for their poor children. They excuse in themselves that which, if seen in their children who have not their years of experience and discipline, they would highly censure.?{1TT 135.2}[7]
§19
有些父母性情急乱，在操劳疲倦，心事重重之时，不能保持一种镇静的心境，因此对那应为他们在世所最亲爱的人，发作怒气，缺乏忍耐，以致使上帝不悦，使家庭阴惨。儿女们在有困难之时，应当存慈爱同情的心去抚慰他们。彼此和爱忍耐，就会使家庭变成乐园，并会吸引圣天使进入家庭范围内了。?{1TT 135.3}[8]
§20
Some parents are of a nervous temperament, and when fatigued with labor or oppressed with care, they do not preserve a calm state of mind, but manifest to those who should be dearest to them on earth, a fretfulness and lack of forbearance which displeases God and brings a cloud over the family. Children, in their troubles, should often be soothed with tender sympathy. Mutual kindness and forbearance will make?home a paradise and attract holy angels into the family circle.?{1TT 135.3}[8]
§21
在沉闷的时候，母亲能够，而且也是应当多多约束自己的神经及心思，甚至于在患病之时，只要她肯训练自己，她也是能够喜乐愉快，并能多忍受吵闹，过于她以前所想象的限度。她不应当使儿女们也感受她的软弱，也不应当用忧郁的精神，把暗云罩住他们幼年敏感的心思，使他们觉得家中好像一座坟墓，母亲的卧室是世上最愁闷的地方。人的心思及神经，是靠着运用意志，才得健全刚强。在许多事情上，这种意志之力，会显出是一剂安抚神经的特效药。{1TT 136.1}[9]
§22
The mother can and should do much toward controlling her nerves and mind when depressed; even when she is sick, she can, if she only schools herself, be pleasant and cheerful, and can bear more noise than she would once have thought possible. She should not make the children feel her infirmities and cloud their young, sensitive minds by her depression of spirits, causing them to feel that the house is a tomb and the mother’s room the most dismal place in the world. The mind and nerves gain tone and strength by the exercise of the will. The power of the will in many cases will prove a potent soother of the nerves.?{1TT 136.1}[9]
§23
【孩子们的重要时刻】
§24
不可使儿女看到你们的愁眉苦脸。如果他们受试探失败，后来知罪悔过，就应当白白饶恕他们，象你们希望天父白白饶恕你们一样。要和气地教导他们，与他们心心相结，因为这乃是儿童的关键时期。他们要受到许多势力的包围，想要离绝你们，你们必须出动反攻，教导他们信任你们，让他们在你们耳边轻诉他们的苦与乐。藉着这种鼓励，就可使他们离开了撒但为他们无经验的脚步所设下的许多罗网。切不可对待儿女一味严肃寡情，忘了你们自己的儿童时代，并忘了他们此时也不过是儿童而已。不可期望他们是完全的人，或是要他们立时行事象成年的男女。若是那样行，就要把你们若用别法或可达到他们的心门关闭了，并迫他们向那些伤害的势力打开心门，在你们觉悟他们的危险之前，他们幼年的脑筋已受人毒害了。{1TT 136.2}[10]
§25
【A Critical Time for Children】
§26
Do not let your children see you with a clouded brow. If they yield to temptation, and afterward see and repent of their error, forgive them just as freely as you hope to be forgiven by your Father in heaven. Kindly instruct them, and bind them to your hearts. It is a critical time for children. Influences will be thrown around them to wean them from you, which you must counteract. Teach them to make you their confidant. Let them whisper in your ear their trials and joys. By encouraging this, you will save them from many a snare that Satan has prepared for their inexperienced feet. Do not treat your children only with sternness, forgetting your own childhood, and forgetting that they are but children. Do not expect them to be perfect or try to make them men and women in their acts at once. By so doing, you will close the door of access which you might otherwise have to them, and will drive them to open a door for injurious influences, for others to poison their young minds before you awake to their danger.?{1TT 136.2}[10]
§27
撒但及其军兵正在用最大的力量，要摇动孩子们的心思，因此应当用坦率，基督徒的温柔，以及爱心去待他们。这样，你们在他们的身上就会有坚强的感化力，使他们觉得可以向你们怀无限的信任心。要用天伦之乐及亲子之情，笼络住你们的儿女。这样，他们就不会太想望去和别的青年人交游。撒但利用那些青年人，使他们彼此影响及败坏各人的心思。这乃是他所能行的一种最有效的方法。青年人彼此有很强的影响力。他们的谈话并非总是高尚可嘉的。他们耳边听到了邪恶的风闻，若不予以坚拒，就必在心中占下了地位，扎根，生长，结实，并败坏善良的风度。现今世上邪恶猖狂，对于儿女必须善加约束，因此作父母的人便应当加倍留意，与他们心心相结，让他们知道自己是尽力为他们谋福乐的。?{1TT 136.3}[11]
§28
Satan and his host are making most powerful efforts to sway the minds of the children, and they must be treated with?candor, Christian tenderness, and love. This will give you a strong influence over them, and they will feel that they can repose unlimited confidence in you. Throw around your children the charms of home and of your society. If you do this, they will not have so much desire for the society of young associates. Satan works through these, leading them to influence and corrupt the minds of one another. It is the most effectual way in which he can work. The young have a powerful influence over one another. Their conversation is not always choice and elevated. Evil communications are breathed into the ear, which, if not decidedly resisted, find a lodgment in the heart, take root, and spring up to bear fruit and corrupt good manners. Because of the evils now in the world, and the restriction necessary to be placed upon the children, parents should have double care to bind them to their hearts and let them see that they wish to make them happy.?{1TT 136.3}[11]
§29
【通情达理的父母】
§30
父母们不应忘记自己在幼年时代，怎样渴望人的同情和慈爱，和受人责骂时多么不快乐。他们在感情上应当返老还童，以便能设身处地，体谅儿女们的需要。但他们也当柔中有刚，恩威并用，必须要儿女们顺服。父母的话是应当绝对顺从的。{1TT 137.1}[12]
§31
【Understanding Parents】
§32
Parents should not forget their childhood years, how much they yearned for sympathy and love, and how unhappy they felt when censured and fretfully chided. They should be young again in their feelings and bring their minds down to understand the wants of their children. Yet with firmness, mixed with love, they should require obedience from their children. The parents’ word should be implicitly obeyed.?{1TT 137.1}[12]
§33
上帝的众使者正在看守儿童，极深关切，注意他们品格的发展。如果基督照我们彼此相待及我们待儿女的态度来待我们，我们就要全然灰心，失望跌倒了。我见到耶稣知道我们的软弱，祂曾亲受我们所受的一切经验，只是祂没有犯罪；因此祂也为我们预备了一条合乎我们能力及才干的路程，象雅各量着孩子们的力量慢慢前行一样，使我们可得有祂作伴的安慰，并得祂作长途的向导。祂对于这群小孩，不看轻，不忽略，不撇在背后。祂没有吩咐我们迈步向前，把他们撇下。祂没有那样急促前进，把我们和儿童们撇下。祂没有那样行；祂只是量着人生的路程，量着孩子们的能力，慢慢前行。祂要父母们奉他的名，领他们走进窄路。上帝已经指定我们一条路，是合乎孩子们的能力才干而行的。（1T384-388.1863年）{1TT 137.2}[13]
§34
Angels of God are watching the children with the deepest interest to see what characters they develop. If Christ dealt with us as we often deal with one another and with our children, we would stumble and fall through utter discouragement. I saw that Jesus knows our infirmities, and has Himself shared our experience in all things but in sin; therefore He has prepared for us a path suited to our strength and capacity, and, like Jacob, has marched softly and in evenness with the children as they were able to endure, that He might?entertain us by the comfort of His company, and be to us a perpetual guide. He does not despise, neglect, or leave behind the children of the flock. He has not bidden us move forward and leave them. He has not traveled so hastily as to leave us with our children behind. Oh, no; but He has evened the path to life, even for children. And parents are required in His name to lead them along the narrow way. God has appointed us a path suited to the strength and capacity of children.?{1TT 137.2}[13]
§35
你们和自己的儿女交往时表现的情意是会得到报偿的。不可因对他们幼稚的游戏，喜乐和忧伤缺乏同情而拒绝他们。决不要愁眉苦脸，或脱口说出一句刺耳的话。上帝把这些话都记在祂的册子上。刺耳的话会使儿女性情乖僻，也会伤他们的心，在一些情况下，这些伤害很难治愈。孩子们对最小的不公正都很敏感，有时会因而灰心丧志，再不听那大声生气的吩咐，也不理那刑罚的威胁了。儿童们心中的反抗精神，往往是由于父母的管教不良而起；但父母当初若采取一种正当的方法，儿童们原可养成良好而和谐的品格。一个不会完全自制的母亲是不配管理儿童的。（3T532.1875年）{1TT 138.1}[14]
§36
It will pay to manifest affection in your association with your children. Do not repel them by lack of sympathy in their childish sports, joys, and griefs. Never let a frown gather upon your brow or a harsh word escape your lips. God writes all these words in His book of records. Harsh words sour the temper and wound the hearts of children, and in some cases these wounds are difficult to heal. Children are sensitive to the least injustice, and some become discouraged under it and will neither heed the loud, angry voice of command nor care for threatenings of punishment. Rebellion is too frequently established in the hearts of children through the wrong discipline of the parents, when if a proper course had been taken, the children would have formed good and harmonious characters. A mother who does not have perfect control of herself is unfit to have the management of children.—1875,?Testimonies for the Church 3:532, 533.?{1TT 138.1}[14]
§37
你应当制服那种苛责儿子的性情，免得因太多的责备使他畏避你，厌恶你的教导。应当与他心心相连，不是愚蠢的溺爱，而是用爱的丝绳。你能坚决而又慈爱，恩威并济。基督必须作你的帮助者。当用爱心为工具去吸引别人的心与你的心相连，你的感化力也可在善良正义的道途上造就他们。{1TT 138.2}[15]
§38
Conquer your disposition to be exacting with your son, lest too frequent reproof make your presence disagreeable to him and your counsels hateful. Bind him to your heart, not by foolish indulgence, but by the silken cords of love. You can be firm yet kind. Christ must be your helper. Love will be the means of drawing other hearts to yours, and?your influence may establish them in the good and right way.?{1TT 138.2}[15]
§39
我已经警告你，不可存苛责的精神，现在我再要提醒你留心这个毛病。基督有时指责人很是严厉，在有些事情上，我们也不得不那样行；但我们也当想到，基督在责备人的时候，祂也是知道那人的实情，并晓得那人能忍受责备到何种程度，和必须怎样行去矫正他们的错行，同时祂也晓得怎样可怜行错的人，安慰不幸的人，鼓励软弱的人。祂知道怎样使人不陷入绝望，并用希望去鼓励他们，因为祂熟悉每一个人心中的实际动机，和所受的特别试炼。祂是万无一失的。（4T66.1866年）{1TT 139.1}[16]
§40
I have warned you against a spirit of censure, and I would again caution you in regard to that fault. Christ sometimes reproved with severity, and in some cases it may be necessary for us to do so; but we should consider that while Christ knew the exact condition of the ones He rebuked, and just the amount of reproof they could bear, and what was necessary to correct their course of wrong, He also knew just how to pity the erring, comfort the unfortunate, and encourage the weak. He knew just how to keep souls from despondency and to inspire them with hope, because He was acquainted with the exact motives and peculiar trials of every mind. He could not make a mistake.—1876,?Testimonies for the Church 4:66.?{1TT 139.1}[16]