第972号 给一位丈夫的勉言
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第972号 给一位丈夫的勉言
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MR No. 972 - Counsel to a Husband
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亲爱的B弟兄：我蒙指示你需要以一种完全不同的眼光看问题，否则你正考虑之问题双方的人就会受到亏待。我相信你和你妻子都想要遵行上帝的旨意。B姐妹切不可变得灰心。她以往在许多方面并没有处在适当的境遇。她离开自己的家成为你的妻子时，并不是要收回对她母亲的爱。母女之间的关系是极其温柔的，也是永远要珍爱的。这一点都不奇怪，而是世上最自然的事，就是B姐妹的母亲应该希望她女儿依然与她在一起而不是嫁给你。忽视父母和孩子之间应该存在的温柔关系的女儿不应该自称是基督徒。儿女对父母负有某些责任，这些责任是要履行的。一位女儿欠她母亲一份债，这份债对她在任何时间任何地点都有约束力。{12MR242.1}[1]
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Dear Brother B: I have been instructed that you need to view matters in an altogether different light, else those on both sides of the question that you are considering will be wronged. I believe that both you and your wife desire to do the will of God. Sister B must not become discouraged. In the past she has not been properly situated in many respects. When she left her home to become your wife, she was not to withdraw her love from her mother. The relationship between mother and daughter is a most tender one, and is ever to be cherished. It is not at all strange, but the most natural thing in the world, that Sister Bs mother should wish her daughter to remain with her instead of marrying you. The daughter that ignores the tender relationship that should exist between parent and child should not claim to be a Christian. Children owe certain obligations to their parents, and these obligations are to be fulfilled. A daughter owes her mother a debt that is binding upon her at all times and in all places. {12MR 242.1}[1]
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在应当郑重地履行婚约的同时，不要违背第五条诫命。上帝对儿女们说：“当孝敬父母，使你的日子在耶和华你上帝所赐你的地上得以长久”（出20:12）；祂并没有设定这个义务不再有约束力的时间。{12MR242.2}[2]
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And while the marriage vow is to be sacredly fulfilled, there is to be no transgression of the fifth commandment. God says to children, Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee; and He has set no time when this obligation ceases to be binding. {12MR 242.2}[2]
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B弟兄啊，你一点不知道你与你妻子之间的不和使她的心很累。何时你让她自由地照着良心指示她应该做的对她母亲行事，可怕的压力才会离开她。过去她一直不是自由的。她很少有机会与她母亲在一起，同时你又像素常那样去从事文字布道工作，常常不在她身边。她一直被放在不能如愿帮助她母亲的位置。她有权期待她与你的婚姻会使她母亲得到一个愿意帮助和造福家人的儿子。{12MR243.1}[3]
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Brother B, you have no idea of how the discord that has existed between you and your wife has worn upon her mind. When you leave her free to act toward her mother as her conscience tells her that she should act, a terrible strain will be removed from her. In the past she has not been free. She has had little opportunity to be with her mother, and at the same time you have been a great deal away from her, engaged as you have been in the canvassing work. She has been placed where she could not help her mother as she desired to. She had a right to expect that her marriage with you would give her mother a son who would be a help and blessing to the family. {12MR 243.1}[3]
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你关于你妻子与她母亲交往的意见已经成了一个经常使她沮丧的缘由。她是一个有能力的女人。在一些方面，她的才能优于你的才能。你关于她与她的亲属交往的意见是不近人情的，她不能使自己看事情与你的眼光一样。{12MR243.2}[4]
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Your opinions in regard to your wifes association with her mother have been a cause of constant depression to her. She is a woman of capability. In some respects her abilities are superior to yours. Your opinions in regard to her association with her relatives are unnatural, and she cannot make herself see things as you see them. {12MR 243.2}[4]
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有充足的理由说明你的妻子现在为什么和她母亲在一起。她年迈的祖父身体虚弱，需要照顾，除了他的孙辈，还能指望谁帮助他们的母亲照顾他呢？你没有以正确的眼光看这个问题。你妻子对这个问题的印象是符合圣经真理的，她不能使自己摆脱这种印象，就像她不能放弃真理一样。{12MR243.3}[5]
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There is a good reason why your wife is with her mother now. Her aged grandfather, in his feebleness, needs care, and who but his grandchildren could be expected to help their mother give him this care? You have not viewed this matter in a right light. The impression that your wife has had in regard to this matter is in accordance with Bible truth, and she can no more rid herself of this impression than she can give up the truth. {12MR 243.3}[5]
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你们两人必须研究如何彼此融合，而不是意见分歧。你切不可对你妻子的头脑运用一种控制性影响，因为她的判断往往好过你的判断。你切不可束缚你妻子的头脑使它适应你自己的头脑。她有个性，不应泯灭在别人的个性中。你有很强的心智，但不一定正确地平衡。你以一种你的妻子看不到的方式看问题。{12MR243.4}[6]
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You must both study how you can assimilate, instead of differing, with one another. You must not exercise a masterly influence over your wifes mind, for often her judgment is superior to yours. You must not try to cramp your wifes mind to make it fit your own. She has an individuality that is not to be submerged in the individuality of another. You have a very strong mind, but it is not always correctly balanced. You see things in a way in which your wife cannot see them. {12MR 243.4}[6]
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关于你的情况，我还写了一些东西，我找到后就会寄给你。你在钱财的使用上没有实行节约。有时你想要帮助某些人时，你就带给他们一些你想到的东西，然而却是他们用不了的。在这种事上你的判断常常很有缺陷。把你为他们花的钱直接给他们原会更好。他们就能买他们会使用的东西了。我们的钱财是主的，不要浪费地使用。{12MR244.1}[7]
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I have something more written in regard to your case, which I will send you when I find it. You have not practiced economy in the use of means. Sometimes when you have wished to help certain ones, you have brought them things which struck your fancy, but which they were unable to use. In such matters your judgment has often been quite defective. It would have been better for you to have given them the money you spent for them. They could have purchased that which would have been of use to them. Our money is the Lords and is not to be used with prodigality. {12MR 244.1}[7]
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主不能认可你的做法。要给你妻子一份你所收到的钱。要让她拥有这份作为她自己的钱，让她照她的意思使用。她本应该得到允许照着她自己的判断认为最好的使用她挣到的钱。如果她有一定的数目的钱作为她自己的钱使用而不受批评，她心中的重担原会大大减轻。{12MR244.2}[8]
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The Lord cannot endorse your course. Give your wife a share of the money that you receive. Let her have this as her own and let her use it as she desires. She should have been allowed to use the means that she earned as she in her judgment deemed best. If she had had a certain sum to use as her own without being criticized, a great weight would have been lifted from her mind. {12MR 244.2}[8]
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根据我所得到的亮光，我知道你应该为你自己和你妻子安置一个小家。一个朴素的小家不会花费很多。然后要向你妻子保证，她若想要就可以让她母亲与她一起住。你若能与你的岳母和睦，她的建议和忠告就会在许多方面成为你的大福气。你的意志是很强的，你倾向于自我本位。你需要一位顾问。{12MR244.3}[9]
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From the light that is given me, I know that you should secure a little home for yourself and your wife. A small, modest home would not cost very much. Then assure your wife that if she wishes she may have her mother live with her. If you could harmonize with your mother-in-law, her advice and counsel would in many respects be a great blessing to you. Your will is very strong, and you are inclined to be egotistical. You need a counselor. {12MR 244.3}[9]
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你若是不愿采取一种刚硬严厉的立场，你和你妻子之间的问题是可能圆满解决的。你会发现采取温和宽容的方法，会给你们的生活带来惊人的变化。不要对待你的妻子好像她还不如一个孩子懂事。要向她表示体贴和尊重。要给她一个家。我能向你保证，她从未向我说过一句毁谤轻视你的话。{12MR244.4}[10]
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Matters between you and your wife may be satisfactorily adjusted if you will not take a hard, stern position. You will find that the use of mild, gentle methods will make a surprising difference in your lives. Do not treat your wife as if she understands no more than a child. Show her consideration and respect. Give her a home. I can assure you that she has never spoken one disparaging word of you to me. {12MR 244.4}[10]
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我是你朋友，并且作为朋友写信给你。我会在今天把这封信寄给你，一旦能写的时候我还会更充分地写给你。但这封信会给你一些事去从事。你可以成为你妻子的福气，她也能成为你的福气。（《信函》1903年157号，1903年7月26日）怀爱伦著作托管委员会1983年3月31日发布于美国首都华盛顿{12MR245.1}[11]
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I am your friend, and as such I write to you. I will send this letter to you today, and will write more fully as soon as I can. But this will give you something to work on. You can be a blessing to your wife, and she can be a blessing to you.--Letter 157, 1903. (July 26, 1903.) White Estate Washington, D. C. March 31, 1983 {12MR 245.1}[11]