上帝的女儿E

附录五怀雅各和怀爱伦的关系
§1 附录五怀雅各和怀爱伦的关系
§2 Appendix E - James and Ellen Whites Relationship
§3 怀爱伦著作托管委员会首次全文发表了1876年信函第64，65，66和67号。与怀雅各和怀爱伦所写的其他书信一样，他们写这些书信并不知道将来有一天会发表。但从这些书信中我们获得了忠心的基督徒应如何处理婚姻压力的独到见地。通过这些书信，我们相信其他夫妇也能鼓起勇气来并学习如何处理他们自己的紧张局势和矛盾分歧。{DG260.1}[1]
§4 FOR THE FIRST TIME THE WHITE ESTATE IS PUBLISHING IN THEIR ENTIRETY LETTERS 64, 65, 66, AND 67, 1876. THE LETTERS, LIKE OTHERS WRITTEN BY JAMES AND ELLEN WHITE, WERE WRITTEN WITHOUT ANY THOUGHT THAT THEY WOULD BE PUBLISHED SOMEDAY. BUT IN THESE LETTERS WE GAIN UNCOMMON INSIGHTS INTO HOW COMMITTED CHRISTIANS HANDLED MARITAL STRESS. THROUGH THESE LETTERS WE BELIEVE THAT OTHER COUPLES CAN TAKE HEART AND LEARN HOW TO HANDLE THEIR OWN TENSIONS AND CONFLICTS. {DG 260.1}[1]
§5 我们努力编排好这些信件，以展示怀雅各和怀爱伦在漫长的婚姻生活中彼此真诚的爱与感情，不管是怀雅各中风前还是中风后。为了了解到这些书信的背景，我们希望你能阅读全文，包括说明。{DG260.2}[2]
§6 WE HAVE ENDEAVORED TO PUT THE LETTERS IN A SETTING THAT SHOWS THE GENUINE LOVE AND AFFECTION BETWEEN JAMES AND ELLEN WHITE DURING THEIR LONG MARRIAGE, BOTH BEFORE AND AFTER JAMES STROKES. TO UNDERSTAND THE BACKGROUND OF THE LETTERS, WE ASK THAT YOU READ THIS COMPLETE SECTION, INCLUDING THE COVERING STATEMENT. {DG 260.2}[2]
§7 【怀雅各和怀爱伦】
§8 救主的眼睛垂顾怀雅各——亲爱的雅各，每次我们祷告的时候，我都会把你的事情向主陈明，并让我们的恳求贴近上帝的宝座。我不时地会得到有福的确据，借着上帝的爱子祂已经垂听了我的祷告，并且祂的福气降在身在丹斯维尔的你身上。有时当我祷告时我能感受到上帝同在的甜美，并感觉到上帝已经赐下祂爱你的凭据。虽然你很痛苦，但耶稣与你同在，加添你力量并以祂全能的膀臂扶持你。那伸出手来把正在下沉的彼得救出汹涌之海的主，也必拯救那为生灵劳力、为祂圣工献上精力的祂的仆人。是的，雅各，慈悲救主的眼睛正在注视着你。祂已被你虚弱的感觉所触动。祂爱你。祂对你的怜悯是我们所做不到的。祂必为祂自己的尊名而使你得胜。我可怜受苦的丈夫，要刚强，再忍耐不多时，你必得见上帝的救恩。我们知道所信的是谁。我们奔跑不象无定向的。到最后一切都会好转。--10MR28(1865).{DG260.3}[3]
§9 【James and Ellen White】
§10 The Saviours Eye Is on James White.--We will present your case to God, dear James, every time we pray, and will press our petitions to the throne. At times I have had a blessed assurance that God heard me pray through His dear Son and that His blessing rested on you there at Dansville. I feel the sweet presence of God at times when I pray, and feel such an evidence that God has set His love upon you, and although you are afflicted, Jesus is with you, strengthening and supporting you by His all-powerful arm. He that stretched out His hand to save sinking Peter upon the troubled water will save His servantwho has labored for souls and devoted his energies to His cause. Yes, James, the eye of the compassionate Saviour is upon you. He is touched with the feelings of your infirmities. He loves you. He pities you as we cannot. He will make you to triumph in His own dear name. Be of good courage, my poor suffering husband, wait patiently a little longer and you shall see of the salvation of God. We know in whom we have believed. We have not run as uncertainly. All will come out just right in the end.--10MR 28 (1865).{DG 260.3}[3]
§11 在雅各患病期间爱伦怀念他“强壮的臂膀”——昨天我离开所乘坐的火车后，走了十二英里的路程。景色很美丽。不同颜色的树木，美丽的常青树在其间点缀着，绿绿的草，高耸巍峨的山，陡峭的岩石——这一切都悦人的眼目。我可以欣赏，但我很孤独。我一直倚靠的有力而强壮的臂膀如今不再是我的依靠。我日夜以泪为食。我的灵常常被悲痛压伤。我无法同意你的父亲（怀雅各）死去。哦，上帝可怜并医治他吧！我亲爱的儿子爱德森，要把你自己交给上帝。你在何处犯了错，就藉着认罪和谦卑坦诚地承认。要亲近上帝并与我一同祈求上帝使他康复。倘若我们在上帝面前磨练我们的心灵并真实悔改我们所有的过错，祂岂不因祂爱子的缘故垂听我们的恳求而医治你的父亲吗？--10MR28,29(1866).{DG261.1}[4]
§12 Ellen Misses James Manly Arm During His Illness.--Yesterday after I left the cars I rode twelve miles in the stage. The scenery was beautiful. The trees with their varied hues, the beautiful evergreens interspersed among them, the green grass, the high and lofty mountains, the high bluffs of rocks--all are interesting to the eye. These things I could enjoy, but I am alone. The strong, manly arm I have ever leaned upon is not now my support. Tears are my meat night and day. My spirit is constantly bowed down by grief. I cannot consent that your father [James White] shall go down into the grave. Oh, that God would pity and heal him! Edson, my dear boy, give yourself to God. Wherein you have erred, frankly acknowledge it by confession and humility. Draw nigh to God and do unite with me in pleading with God for his recovery. If we chasten our souls before God and truly repent of all our wrongs, will He not be entreated, for the sake of His dear Son, to heal your father?--10MR 28, 29 (1866).{DG 261.1}[4]
§13 鼓励爱德森体贴他的父亲——亲爱的爱德森，无论如何也不要因你父亲所写的信而鲁莽行事。（几次中风后，怀雅各的性格多少发生一点改变。有时变得不理智并认为所有人都与他作对。他对爱德森严厉苛刻，写过一封很不仁慈的书信。他后来为他的批评而向爱德森道歉。）要保持镇定，等候并信靠；要忠心，要尽量让步，尽管你之前这样做过。愿上帝赐你一颗宽容温柔的心对待你那可怜、负担过重、筋疲力尽而又烦累的父亲。--10MR29(1871).{DG261.2}[5]
§14 Edson Urged to Treat His Father Tenderly.--Dear Edson, do not on any account move rashly in regard to the letter written by your father. [AFTER SEVERAL STROKES, JAMES WHITE HAD SOME PERSONALITY CHANGES, SOMETIMES BECOMING UNREASONABLE AND THINKING THAT EVERYBODY WAS AGAINST HIM. HE WAS HARSH AND SEVERE TOWARD EDSON AND WROTE HIM A VERY UNKIND LETTER. HE LATER APOLOGIZED TO EDSON FOR HIS CRITICISM.] Keep quiet; wait and trust; be faithful; make every concession you can, even if you have done so before; and may God give you a soft and tender heart to your poor, overburdened, worn, harassed father.--10MR 29 (1871).{DG 261.2}[5]
§15 怀雅各非常体贴——我丈夫非常体贴我，尽量使我的旅途和工作愉快，解除我的疲劳。他非常喜乐并有勇气。我们现在必须怀着喜乐的心工作，以保持我们的体力，因为我们还有十三个帐篷聚会要参加。--10MR33(1875).{DG261.3}[6]
§16 James White Very Attentive.--My husband is very attentive to me, seeking in every way to make my journeyings and labor pleasant and relieve it of weariness. He is very cheerful and of good courage. We must now work and with carefulness preserve our strength, for there arethirteen more camp meetings to attend.--10MR 33 (1875).{DG 261.3}[6]
§17 【信函】（写于1876年5月10日，12日，16日和17日）
§18 1973年怀爱伦著作托管委员会获得了所收藏的写于1860年至1899年间的将近2，000封信件。这些信件原是写给怀爱伦的密友露辛达·霍尔的，是由著名的复临信徒如怀雅各、怀爱伦、凯洛格、拉夫伯勒、阿玛登和赫斯格所写的。亚瑟·怀特长老在1973年8月16日的《评论与通讯》上讲述了怀爱伦著作托管委员会获得这份收藏的故事。{DG263.1}[7]
§19 【Letters】(Written May 10, 12, 16, and 17, 1876)
§20 IN 1973 A COLLECTION OF APPROXIMATELY 2,000 LETTERS, WRITTEN BETWEEN 1860 AND 1899, WAS ACQUIRED BY THE ELLEN G. WHITE ESTATE. ORIGINALLY ADDRESSED TO LUCINDA HALL, ONE OF ELLEN WHITES CLOSEST FRIENDS, THE LETTERS WERE WRITTEN BY SUCH WELL-KNOWN ADVENTISTS AS JAMES AND ELLEN WHITE, KELLOGG, LOUGHBOROUGH, AMADON, AND HASKELL. THE STORY OF HOW THE COLLECTION CAME TO THE WHITE ESTATE WAS TOLD BY ELDER ARTHUR WHITE IN THE REVIEW AND HERALD OF AUGUST 16, 1973.{DG 263.1}[7]
§21 在这些收藏中有48封是以前所未知的怀爱伦书信。大多数是一位朋友写给另一位的多话题书信。但怀爱伦视露辛达不只是一位朋友。她在1875年7月14日写道：{DG263.2}[8]
§22 AMONG THE COLLECTION WERE 48 PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN ELLEN WHITE LETTERS. MOST ARE THE NEWSY-TYPE LETTERS THAT ONE FRIEND WOULD WRITE TO ANOTHER. BUT ELLEN CONSIDERED LUCINDA MORE THAN JUST A CASUAL FRIEND. ON JULY 14, 1875, SHE WROTE:{DG 263.2}[8]
§23 “露辛达，我希望能见到你。……在这次旅行中我多么想念你啊！我不是没有朋友，但你是我最亲密与最爱的，仅次于我自己的家人。我感觉你就是属于我的，我的血流在你的血管中。”--Letter48,1875(10MR33).{DG263.3}[9]
§24 I wish I could see you, Lucinda. . . . How I have missed you on this journey. Not but that I have friends, but you are nearest and dearest, next to my own family, and I feel no differences than that you belonged to me and my blood flowed in your veins.--Letter 48, 1875 (10MR 33).{DG 263.3}[9]
§25 因为与露辛达特别亲密，怀爱伦向她的这位朋友倾诉了她的心声。在1876年5月10日至17日她连续写了四封信，谈到一些家庭问题。考虑到她当时需要应付的环境，怀爱伦这样写乃是人之常情。但是就在她写了第三封信的第二天，她对她所写的又有了其他的想法。这几封信的最后一封写于1876年5月17日。怀爱伦一开始写道：{DG263.4}[10]
§26 BECAUSE OF HER SPECIAL CLOSENESS TO LUCINDA, ELLEN WHITE POURED OUT HER HEART TO HER FRIEND ABOUT SOME FAMILY MATTERS IN A SERIES OF FOUR LETTERS WRITTEN BETWEEN MAY 10 AND 17, 1876. CONSIDERING THE CIRCUMSTANCES SHE WAS TRYING TO COPE WITH AT THE TIME, THAT WAS A VERYHUMAN THING FOR ELLEN WHITE TO DO. BUT ONLY A DAY AFTER WRITING THE THIRD LETTER, SHE HAD SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT SHE HAD DONE. IN THE LAST OF THE SERIES, DATED MAY 17, 1876, ELLEN WHITE BEGAN BY SAYING:{DG 263.4}[10]
§27 “我为写给你的信而抱歉。无论我的感受如何，都不应使你因之烦恼。烧掉我所有的信吧，我不会再对你说使我烦心的事了。……无论环境如何，我不会再说一句令自己愧疚的话了。在所有不快或烦恼的事上保持沉默对我来说始终是一种福气。当我偏离了这种做法时，我就非常后悔。”--Letter67,1876.{DG264.1}[11]
§28 I am sorry I wrote you the letters I have. Whatever may have been my feelings, I need not have troubled you with them. Burn all my letters, and I will relate no matters that perplex me to you. . . . I will not be guilty of uttering a word again, whatever may be the circumstances. Silence in all things of a disagreeable or perplexing character has ever been a blessing to me. When I have departed from this, I have regretted it so much.--Letter 67, 1876. {DG 264.1}[11]
§29 但是露辛达没有按照要求烧掉信件。1973年，怀爱伦著作托管委员会得到了这些信。委员会不知道该如何处理这四封信，就把它们放在一旁，没有归入正式文档。后来有人建议怀爱伦著作托管委员会按照怀爱伦的原意烧掉那些信件。但是其他人觉得应该保留这些信件，原因有两个：1.怀爱伦著作托管委员会所面临的情形与露辛达·霍尔不一样。怀爱伦要求露辛达烧掉这些信。她既然没有烧掉，托管委员会就必须以当时的情形来看待这个要求。批评者可能会指控托管委员会不但烧掉了这些信，也烧掉了其他的书信和手稿。2.怀爱伦有关怎样度过她生活中极度困难时期的记录会帮助今日面临同样环境的人。{DG264.2}[12]
§30 BUT LUCINDA DID NOT DESTROY THE LETTERS AS REQUESTED. THUS THEY CAME INTO THE POSSESSION OF THE WHITE ESTATE IN 1973. THE ESTATE, BEING UNCERTAIN AS TO HOW TO DEAL WITH THESE FOUR LETTERS, LAID THEM ASIDE, AND DID NOT PLACE THEM IN THE REGULAR FILE. SINCE THEN, SOME HAVE SUGGESTED THAT THE WHITE ESTATE SHOULD HAVE BURNED THE LETTERS, IN HARMONY WITH ELLEN WHITES ORIGINAL REQUEST. BUT OTHERS HAVE FELT THAT THE LETTERS SHOULD BE PRESERVED, FOR TWO REASONS: 1. THE SITUATION CONFRONTING THE WHITE ESTATE IS DIFFERENT FROM THAT WHICH FACED LUCINDA HALL. LUCINDA WAS THE ONE WHO WAS ASKED TO BURN THE LETTERS. SINCE SHE DID NOT, THE WHITE ESTATE BOARD MUST CONSIDER THE REQUEST IN THE LIGHT OF ITS OWN SITUATION. CRITICS MIGHT ACCUSE THE ESTATE OF DESTROYING NOT MERELY THESE LETTERS, BUT OTHER CORRESPONDENCE AND MANUSCRIPTS; (2) THE ACCOUNT OF HOW ELLEN WHITE RELATED TO AN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TIME IN HER LIFE COULD BE OF HELP TO INDIVIDUALS FACING SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCES TODAY.{DG 264.2}[12]
§31 由于许多人都知道怀爱伦当时在家里所面对的情形，希望今日面对同样处境的其他人也能中得到鼓励。以下是这些信件，并附上适当的背景说明。{DG264.3}[13]
§32 BECAUSE MANY ARE AWARE OF THE SITUATION IN THE WHITE FAMILY THAT ELLEN WHITE WAS WRESTLING WITH AT THE TIME, AND WITH THE HOPE THAT OTHERS FACING SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCES TODAY MAY FIND ENCOURAGEMENT FROM THEM, THE LETTERS, WITH ADEQUATE BACKGROUND TO HELP UNDERSTAND THEM, ARE HEREWITH BEING MADE AVAILABLE.{DG 264.3}[13]
§33 【信件的背景】
§34 凡与中风患者打过交道的人都会理解怀爱伦所写的话：“我没有失去对我丈夫的爱，但我无法解释这种情形。”——Letter1876.67.一周前她写道：“我很恐惧雅各变化无常的情绪。”——Letter1876.64.1865年以后，怀雅各几次中风，性格发生变化，令他的妻子和同事很难理解。{DG264.4}[14]
§35 【The Setting of the Letters】
§36 ANYONE WHO HAS DEALT WITH STROKE VICTIMS CAN IDENTIFY WITH ELLEN WHITE WHEN SHE WROTE, I have not lost my love for my husband, but I cannot explain things.--Letter 67, 1876. A WEEK EARLIER SHE HAD WRITTEN, I can but dread the liability of James changeable moods.--Letter 64, 1876. THE CHANGE IN PERSONALITY EXHIBITED BY JAMES WHITE IN THE YEARS AFTER 1865, DURING WHICH HE EXPERIENCED SEVERAL STROKES, WAS VERY DIFFICULT FOR HIS WIFE AND ASSOCIATES TO UNDERSTAND.{DG 264.4}[14]
§37 怀雅各患病前是一位充满活力的领袖。但他中风以后，性格发生很大的变化，不时表现出过去的自我，经常多疑而苛求。这就是怀爱伦给露辛达写这四封信时所面临的情形。{DG265.1}[15]
§38 BEFORE HIS ILLNESS, JAMES WHITE WAS A DYNAMIC AND FORCEFUL LEADER. BUT AFTER HIS STROKES, HE EXPERIENCED SERIOUS PERSONALITY CHANGES. FROM TIME TO TIME HE SEEMED MUCH LIKE HIS FORMER SELF, BUT OFTEN HE WAS SUSPICIOUS AND DEMANDING. SUCH WAS THE SITUATION ELLEN WHITE WAS FACING AT THE TIME SHE WROTE THESE FOUR LETTERS TO LUCINDA.{DG 265.1}[15]
§39 怀雅各说话从不委婉，常常强烈地表达自己的看法。他在自传中写到了一个批评他的人说：{DG265.2}[16]
§40 NEVER ONE TO MINCE WORDS, JAMES WHITE FREQUENTLY EXPRESSED HIMSELF FORCEFULLY. IN HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY HE WROTE ABOUT A MAN WHO HAD CRITICIZED HIM:{DG 265.2}[16]
§41 “我看见一个粗俗无情的人，他的性情与鳄鱼一样暴戾，几乎与土狼一样缺乏宗教道德训练。他装摸作样地流出伪善的眼泪，足令最严肃的圣徒发笑。”--LI115,116(1868).{DG265.3}[17]
§42 TO SEE A COARSE, HARD-HEARTED MAN, POSSESSING IN HIS VERY NATURE BUT LITTLE MORE TENDERNESS THAN A CROCODILE, AND NEARLY AS DESTITUTE OF MORAL RELIGIOUS TRAINING AS A HYENA, SHEDDING HYPOCRITICAL TEARS FOR EFFECT, IS ENOUGH TO STIR THE MIRTHFULNESS OF THE GRAVEST SAINT.--LI 115, 116 (1868).{DG 265.3}[17]
§43 怀雅各的人格力量在基督复临安息日教会初建阶段乃是一种无法估量的资产。怀长老在他妻子异象的不断激励下，开始了文字工作，创办了机构，筹建了教会组织，在属灵上牧养羊群。他还做了十年的总会会长。（他的生平事迹见弗吉尔·罗宾逊所著的传记《怀雅各》，《评论与通讯》出版社1976年出版。）{DG265.4}[18]
§44 THE FORCE OF JAMES WHITES PERSONALITY WAS AN INVALUABLE ASSET DURING THE FORMATIVE YEARS OF THE SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH. WITH HIS WIFES VISIONS CONSTANTLY CHALLENGING HIM, ELDER WHITE STARTED PUBLICATIONS, BUILT INSTITUTIONS, PROMOTED CHURCH ORGANIZATION, AND SPIRITUALLY FED THE FLOCK. IN ADDITION, FOR 10 YEARS HE SERVED AS PRESIDENT OF THE GENERAL CONFERENCE. (HIS LIFE STORY IS TOLD BY VIRGIL ROBINSON IN A BIOGRAPHY ENTITLED JAMES WHITE, PUBLISHED BY THE REVIEW AND HERALD PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION IN 1976.){DG 265.4}[18]
§45 但是当那种有力的个性因几次的中风而改变，出现在他的家人和同事——包括他的妻子——面前时，怀爱伦发觉自己心力交瘁，精疲力竭了。若单单阅读这四封信肯定会误解怀雅各与怀爱伦之间的关系。要记住怀雅各就怀爱伦所写的以下话语：{DG265.5}[19]
§46 BUT WHEN THAT STRONG PERSONALITY, ALTERED BY A SERIES OF STROKES, WAS TURNED ON HIS FAMILY AND ASSOCIATES--INCLUDING HIS WIFE--ELLEN FOUND HER STRENGTH AND PATIENCE STRETCHED NEARLY TO THEIR LIMITS. A PERSON WHO READS ONLY THESE FOUR LETTERS WILL CERTAINLY OBTAIN A DISTORTED PICTURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN JAMES AND ELLEN WHITE. ONE MUST KEEP IN MIND STATEMENTS SUCH AS THE FOLLOWING, WRITTEN BY JAMES ABOUT ELLEN:{DG 265.5}[19]
§47 “婚姻标志着男人生命的一个重要纪元。‘得着贤妻的，是得着好处，也是蒙了耶和华的恩惠’（箴18:22）。……我们于1846年8月30日结婚，从那时直到今天，她是我喜乐的冠冕。”--LS80125,126(1880).{DG265.6}[20]
§48 MARRIAGE MARKS AN IMPORTANT ERA IN THE LIVES OF MEN. WHOSO FINDETH A WIFE FINDETH A GOOD THING, AND OBTAINETH FAVOUR OF THE LORD, IS THE LANGUAGE OF WISDOM. PROVERBS 18:22. . . . WE WERE MARRIED AUGUST 30, 1846, AND FROM THAT HOUR UNTO THE PRESENT SHE HAS BEEN MY CROWN OF REJOICING.--LS 125, 126 (1880).{DG 265.6}[20]
§49 即使在怀雅各患病时，他也会时常意识到自己的举动不符合他的良好意愿。1879年他写信给他的孩子们说：{DG265.7}[21]
§50 EVEN IN HIS ILLNESS, JAMES REALIZED AT TIMES THAT HIS ACTIONSWERE NOT IN HARMONY WITH HIS GOOD INTENTIONS. IN 1879 HE WROTE HIS CHILDREN:{DG 265.7}[21]
§51 “我现在希望你们能注意到一个严肃重要的问题。亲爱的孩子们，我很可能出了差错，就你们年轻的头脑所犯的错误写了一些刺耳的话。压力过重时我出自本能地爱说攻击的话。我希望我能做一个更好的人。”——怀雅各致威利和玛丽，1879.2.27.{DG266.1}[22]
§52 I WISH NOW TO CALL YOUR ATTENTION TO A SUBJECT OF GRAVER IMPORTANCE. PROBABLY, DEAR CHILDREN, I MAY HAVE ERRED IN SOME SHARP THINGS I HAVE WRITTEN RELATIVE TO THE MISTAKES OF YOUNGER HEADS. IT IS MY NATURE TO RETALIATE WHEN PRESSED BEYOND MEASURE. I WISH I WAS A BETTER MAN.--JAMES WHITE TO WILLIE AND MARY, FEB. 27, 1879.{DG 266.1}[22]
§53 我们不知道所有发生在写了第四封信之后的事情，但是不到十天怀爱伦就在她丈夫身边出席了堪萨斯州的帐篷聚会。{DG266.2}[23]
§54 WE DO NOT KNOW ALL THAT HAPPENED AFTER THE FOURTH LETTER WAS WRITTEN, BUT IN LESS THAN 10 DAYS ELLEN WAS BY HER HUSBANDS SIDE AT THE KANSAS CAMP MEETING.{DG 266.2}[23]
§55 5月16日，也就是写给露辛达的四封信中第三封的那一天，怀爱伦写给她丈夫说：{DG266.3}[24]
§56 ON MAY 16, THE SAME DAY ON WHICH THE THIRD OF THE FOUR LETTERS WAS WRITTEN TO LUCINDA, ELLEN WROTE, IN PART, TO HER HUSBAND:{DG 266.3}[24]
§57 “我很伤心，因我说过或写过一些事让你伤心。请饶恕我，我会很谨慎再不说什么让你生气或烦恼的话题。”--Letter27,1876.{DG266.4}[25]
§58 It grieves me that I have said or written anything to grieve you. Forgive me and I will be cautious not to start any subject to annoy and distress you.--Letter 27, 1876.{DG 266.4}[25]
§59 不幸的是，怀雅各的疾病从未痊愈过。他有过一些美好的日子，但是其间总是夹杂着抑郁。怀雅各去世两年后总会会长发表的评论，表达了他亲密的同事对他疾病所引发的行为所做出的仁慈解释：U{DG266.5}[26]
§60 UNFORTUNATELY, JAMES NEVER COMPLETELY RECOVERED FROM HIS ILLNESS. HE HAD SOME GOOD DAYS, BUT THESE WERE INTERMIXED WITH PERIODS OF DEPRESSION. A COMMENT MADE BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE GENERAL CONFERENCE TWO YEARS AFTER JAMES WHITES DEATH INDICATES THE CHARITABLE INTERPRETATION THAT HIS CLOSE ASSOCIATES PLACED ON HIS ILLNESS-INDUCED ACTIONS:{DG 266.5}[26]
§61 “我们亲爱的弟兄怀雅各认为我们是他的敌人，因为我们看问题与他不一样。我从未做任何事来反对在这位属上帝的人。这位高尚的先锋曾为这圣工如此努力地工作。我把这一切都归咎给疾病和虚弱。”——G.I.巴特勒致J.N.安德鲁斯，1883年5月25日{DG266.6}[27]
§62 OUR DEAR BROTHER WHITE THOUGHT WE WERE HIS ENEMIES BECAUSE WE DID NOT SEE THINGS AS HE DID. I HAVE NEVER LAID UP ANYTHING AGAINST THAT MAN OF GOD, THAT NOBLE PIONEER WHO LABORED SO HARD FOR THIS CAUSE. I ATTRIBUTED IT ALL TO DISEASE AND INFIRMITY.--G. I. BUTLER TO J. N. ANDREWS, MAY 25, 1883.{DG 266.6}[27]
§63 以上是就怀爱伦写给露辛达·霍尔四封信（1876年5月10-17日）的背景所作的简要说明。我们相信它已经为读者提供了必要了视野，来审视怀爱伦唯一要求烧毁的信件。——怀爱伦著作托管委员会1987年8月6日。1987.{DG266.7}[28]
§64 THIS OVERVIEW OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES UNDER WHICH ELLEN WHITE WROTE THE FOUR LETTERS TO LUCINDA HALL (MAY 10-17, 1876) IS BRIEF, BUT WE BELIEVE IT PROVIDES A NEEDED PERSPECTIVE FOR READERS WHO EXAMINE THE ONLY LETTERS THAT ELLEN WHITE REQUESTED TO BE BURNED. ELLEN G. WHITE ESTATE, AUGUST 6, 1987. {DG 266.7}[28]
§65 亲爱的露辛达姐妹：昨天晚上我们收到了你的来信。我们也收到了雅各的信。露辛达，我现在根本没有想到要把确定的变为不确定的。我能多写些，现在有空。如果我去东部，雅各的快乐可能突然会变为抱怨和烦躁。我烦透了这种情形，不想置身于这种事稍有可能发生的地方。我越想这事，就越坚定坚决地要留在原地，除非上帝赐我亮光。我决不能得到上帝现在赐给我的机会。我必须按上帝的指示工作。我恳切祈求亮光。如果去参加帐篷聚会是我的责任，我会知道的。{DG266.8}[29]
§66 Dear Sister Lucinda: We received your letter last evening. We also received one from James. Lucinda, I have no idea now of exchanging a certainty for an uncertainty. I can write more, and am free. Should I come east, James happiness might suddenly change to complaining and fretting.I am thoroughly disgusted with this state of things, and do not mean to place myself where there is the least liability of its occurring. The more I think of the matter the more settled and determined I am, unless God gives me light, to remain where I am. I can never have an opportunity such as God has favored me with at the present. I must work as God should direct. I plead and entreat for light. If it is my duty to attend the camp meetings, I shall know it.{DG 266.8}[29]
§67 玛丽现在已经脱离危险。如果我去东部的话，我会失去她的。撒但多年以来一直阻挡我写作，但我现在必不放弃。我只是恐惧雅各善变的情绪、他强烈的情感、他的责难、他看我的眼神、他随意告诉他的想法，说我是被错误的灵所引导的、我限制了他的自由等等。所有这一切都很难克服，使我能自愿地与他换位思考。{DG267.1}[30]
§68 Mary is now secured. I may lose her if I should go east. Satan has hindered me for long years from doing my writing, and now I must not be drawn off. I can but dread the liability of James changeable moods, his strong feelings, his censures, his viewing me in the light he does, and has felt free to tell me his ideas of my being led by a wrong spirit, my restricting his liberty, et cetera. All this is not easy to jump over and place myself voluntarily in a position where he will stand in my way and I in his.{DG 267.1}[30]
§69 不，露辛达，这个时候我什么帐篷聚会也不能参加。上帝本着祂天意的安排给我们各人不同的工作，我们应该分头独立地去做。他很高兴，我也很开心，但我担心我们见面时一切快乐会荡然无存。我很欣赏你的判断，但是我必须有自由做我的工作。我不想让我所不必经历的沮丧破坏了上帝的工作。我的工作是在奥克兰。我决不向东走一步，除非上帝说“去”。那么我就会毫无怨言地高高兴兴地去，而不是在此之前。{DG267.2}[31]
§70 No, Lucinda, no camp meetings shall I attend this season. God in His providence has given us each our work, and we will do it separately, independently. He is happy; I am happy; but the happiness might be all changed should we meet, I fear. Your judgment I prize, but I must be left free to do my work. I cannot endure the thought of marring the work and cause of God by such depression as I have experienced all unnecessarily. My work is at Oakland. I shall not move east one step unless the Lord says Go. Then, without one murmur, I will cheerfully go, not before.{DG 267.2}[31]
§71 我人生的效用已经失去很多。如果雅各恢复的话，情况会有所不同。他说过我们不可试图彼此控制。我没有这样做，他却有，而且做了很多。我从未感觉到我现在有这样做。我无法信任雅各对我责任的判断。他好像把我当成一个小孩子一样要命令我——告诉我不要到这里，我必须去东部，免得受威利斯姐妹的影响，或是怕我会去佩塔卢马等等。我希望上帝不会借我丈夫让我接受我的责任。祂必指教我，只要我信靠祂。{DG267.3}[32]
§72 A great share of my lifes usefulness has been lost. If James had made retraction, it would be different. He has said we must not seek to control each other. I do not own to doing it, but he has, and much more. I never felt as I do now in this matter. I cannot have confidence in James judgment in reference to my duty. He seems to want to dictate to me as though I was a child--tells me not to go here, I must come east for fear of Sister Willis influence, or fearing that I should go to Petaluma, et cetera. I hope God has not left me to receive my duty through my husband. He will teach me if I trust in Him.{DG 267.3}[32]
§73 我现在欢喜快乐。我的神经镇静下来了。我的睡眠也香了。我的健康好转了。我希望我没有写错什么，但这只是我的感觉，没有人比你更能了解我了。愿主帮助我所做的与所感觉的都正确。如果情形不同，我可能会感觉我有责任去参加帐篷聚会。情形既是这样，我就没有责任去参加。上帝赐福我现在所做的工作。倘若我能从异梦或其他途径得到启示，我会心甘情愿地顺从那亮光。上帝活着并掌管一切。我会回应祂的要求，并寻求按祂的旨意行。{DG267.4}[33]
§74 I am cheerful and happy. My nerves are getting calm. My sleep is sweet. My health is good. I hope I have not written anything wrong, but these are just my feelings, and no one but you knows anything about it.May the Lord help me to do and feel just right. If things had been different, I might feel [it was my] duty to go to camp meetings. As they are, I have no duty. God blesses me in doing my work. If I can get light in [a] dream or in any way, I will cheerfully follow the light. God lives and reigns. I shall answer to His claims, and seek to do His will.{DG 267.4}[33]
§75 爱你的—Letter.1876.64.(1876.5.10.){DG268.1}[34]
§76 In love.--Letter 64, 1876 (May 10, 1876). {DG 268.1}[34]
§77 亲爱的露辛达姐妹：我希望你写一些新的情况。要常常写。{DG268.2}[35]
§78 Dear Sister Lucinda: I wish you would write some news. Write often.{DG 268.2}[35]
§79 我已经决定留在在这里，不去参加任何的帐篷聚会。没有上帝让我去东部的保证，我不敢去。如果亮光照着那路，我就完全乐意去了。但是主知道什么对我、对雅各和上帝的工作是最好的。我的丈夫现在很高兴——这是个好消息。只要他能一直快乐，我宁可永远离开他。如果我的存在对他的幸福不利，上帝就不让我和他在一起。我愿意做上帝引领我做的工作。他也可以按照上帝对他的带领做他的工作。我们不会干涉彼此的道路。我意已决，我要信靠上帝。我要等候上帝为我敞开我前面的道路。{DG268.3}[36]
§80 I have decided to remain here, and not attend any of the camp meetings. I dare not go east without an assurance that God would have me go. I am perfectly willing to go if the light shines that way. But the Lord knows what is best for me, for James, and the cause of God. My husband is now happy--blessed news. If he will only remain happy, I would be willing to ever remain from him. If my presence is detrimental to his happiness, God forbid I should be connected with him. I will do my work as God leads me. He may do his work as God leads him. We will not get in each others way. My heart is fixed, trusting in God. I shall wait for God to open my way before me.{DG 268.3}[36]
§81 我不认为我丈夫真的愿意我在他身边。我出席帐篷聚会他会很高兴。但他对我的种种看法，就是他常常直率表达出来的，使我感觉在他身边并不快乐，并且他看事物的方式若不完全改变，我也永远不会快乐。他把自己缺乏自制而造成的不快乐归咎到我的身上。这些事是实际存在的，我无法与他和睦共处，除非他改变他对事物的看法。他已说了太多，使我不能自由自在地与祂一起祷告或联合作工，因此当时间逝去，他并未清除我路上的障碍，我的责任是很清楚的，就是不要置身于他会受试探象以前那样能任意发泄自己情绪，随便表达出来的地方。我无法，也不愿意象过去那样跛脚而行。--Letter1876.65(1876.5.12).{DG268.4}[37]
§82 I do not think my husband really desires my society. He would be glad for me to be present at the camp meetings, but he has such views of me, which he freely has expressed from time to time, that I do not feel happy in his society, and I never can till he views matters entirely differently. He charges a good share of his unhappiness upon me, when he has made it himself by his own lack of self-control. These things exist, and I cannot be in harmony with him till he views things differently. He has said too much for me to feel freedom with him in prayer or to unite with him in labor, therefore as time passes and he removes nothing out of my way, my duty is plain never to place myself where he will be tempted to act out his feelings and talk them out as he has done. I cannot, and will not, be crippled as I have been.--Letter 65, 1876 (May 12, 1876).{DG 268.4}[37]
§83 亲爱的露辛达：昨晚收到我丈夫的来信，表明他已经准备好命令我并会采取比以前更难以忍受的态度。我已决定不出席这次的帐篷聚会。我要留下来写作。我丈夫可以自己工作得最好。我确信我也能。{DG268.5}[38]
§84 Dear Lucinda: A letter received from my husband last night shows me that he is prepared to dictate to me and take positions more trying than everbefore. I have decided to attend no camp meetings this season. I shall remain and write. My husband can labor alone best. I am sure I can.{DG 268.5}[38]
§85 他写道沃灵希望我带孩子们穿越平原去出席百年纪念。但是他们已经最后一次过了平原，化了五十元钱。他如果想他们，可以自己来领。我也可以让琼斯弟兄带去。这样他们就不归我管了。孩子们即使出行一次，我也要作大量的准备工作。雅各在这件事上并未表达他的意思。他对《时兆》所刊的生平表示异议。到此为止吧！他只提到一件事，就是要放上（伊斯雷尔）戴蒙的名字。我想他若是能完全控制我，控制我的灵魂和身体，他才会满意，然而这是不可能的。有时我认为他真不是一个神志正常人，但是我弄不明白。愿上帝指教、带领并引导。他的上一封信使我决意留在山的这一边。{DG269.1}[39]
§86 He writes [that] Walling wants me to bring the children over the plains to attend the Centennial. But they have crossed the plains for the last time, to pay out fifty dollars. If he wants them, he can come and get them. I could send them by Brother Jones, but it would be to have them no more under my charge. I have too much care to prepare these children even for a journey. James did not express his mind in the matter. He takes exceptions to the sketches of life in Signs. Shall stop just here. He only mentions one thing, the putting in of [Israel] Dammons name. I think he would be satisfied if he had the entire control of me, soul and body, but this he cannot have. I sometimes think he is not really a sane man, but I dont know. May God teach and lead and guide. His last letter has fully decided me to remain this side of the mountains.{DG 269.1}[39]
§87 他在给我的信中尖刻地提到了爱德森，并告诉我他写信给我并不是向我挑战。他不希望我提到任何有关爱德森的事。我这样写——我对你说这些话是因为他给我回信说：“如果你高兴的话，可否请你感恩些，并且别挑起不愉快的事端，认为是你有责任要写给我的，别提到它们。请你自己也同样谨慎。何时你想提到你自己的儿子，就请放下你的笔就此罢休。我想上帝会更悦纳，这样也不会伤害你自己的心。让上帝指导我怎样论及爱德森吧，因为我仍信靠祂带领的手，并确信祂会带领我。这带领的手是我的倚靠。”{DG269.2}[40]
§88 He has in his letters to me written harshly in regard to Edson, and then told me that he did not write to call me out. He did not want me to make any references to Edson. I wrote thus--I give you the words, for he has returned the letter: Will you, please, if you are happy, to be thankful and not agitate disagreeable matters which you feel called upon to write me, to make no reference to them. Please take the same cautions yourself. When you wish to make these statements in reference to your own son, please lay down your pen and stop just there. I think God would be better pleased, and it would do no harm to your own soul. Leave me to be guided by the Lord in reference to Edson, for I still trust in His guiding hand and have confidence He will lead me. The same guiding hand is my trust.{DG 269.2}[40]
§89 他认为他有责任向我强调被爱德森引诱并欺骗的危险。他认为他有责任写信给我，说明我被威利斯姐妹欺骗的危险，论到我蒙召去佩塔卢马等等。我希望我丈夫离开我时别把上帝一起带走，留下我们行在我们自己的眼光及我们自心的智慧中。{DG269.3}[41]
§90 He has felt called upon to press upon me the danger of being drawn in by Edson and deceived by him. He has felt called upon to write in regard to my danger of being deceived by Sister Willis, in regard to my being called to Petaluma, et cetera. I hope [that] when my husband left he did not take God with him and leave us to walk by the light of our own eyes and the wisdom of our own hearts.{DG 269.3}[41]
§91 他在上一封信中又说起他不希望我提他所写的东西，除非“你对问题有不同的看法。要确保别让这些事使我消沉。除非有上帝的直接启示，倘若你平等地待我，我会很高兴在堪萨斯的帐篷聚会中见到你和玛丽。我会很高兴到那里与你同工。我虽负有监管全部工作的责任，但我认为不应附和任何个人的意见。我这样想时，就会被他人绝无错误的意愿所转变。当我无法认同这个立场时，我会欣然地放下责任。我不应再与我亲爱的妻子作对。她可以随心所欲，采用她自己的方式。倘若她不赞成我关于爱德森或其他事的观点，她不是可以保留自己的观点，我也保留自己的观点吗？你的话逼我表态。既然你无法忍受我象你一样坦率说话，那就算了。{DG269.4}[42]
§92 In his last [letter] he repeats [that] he does not want me to make any references to what he writes till you see things differently. And be assured of this, that none of these things sink me down a hair. Ishall be happy to meet you and Mary at the Kansas camp meeting provided that, with the exception of a direct revelation from God, you put me on a level with yourself. I will gladly come to that position and labor with you, but while entrusted with the supervision of the whole work I think it wrong to be second to the private opinions of anyone. The moment I come to this I can be turned by the will of others infallibility. When I cannot take this position I can gracefully cast off responsibilities. I shall have no more controversies with my dear wife. She may call it a mouse or a bat and have her own way. If she doesnt like my position in reference to Edson or other matters, will she please [keep] her opinion to herself and let me enjoy mine? Your remarks called me out. And now that you cannot endure my speaking as plainly as you do, I have done.{DG 269.4}[42]
§93 “至于你来堪萨斯州一事，我一点都不担心。从上封信看来，我认为我们最好分开、不要一起做工，直到你不再持续定我的罪。当你从主那里得到给我的信息时，我希望我会因对祂的话而恐惧战兢。但是除此之外，你必须让我与你平等，否则我们最好单独做工。{DG270.1}[43]
§94 As to your coming to Kansas, I am not the least anxious. Judging from what I can gather from that last page, I think we can better labor apart than together until you can lay down your continual efforts to hold me in condemnation. When you have a message from the Lord for me, I hope I shall be where I shall tremble at His word. But aside from that, you must let me be an equal, or we had better work alone.{DG 270.1}[43]
§95 “不要为我心中的烦恼担心了。烦恼是在我的心中。但是我在行动时，会使用上帝给我良好的老脑筋，直到祂显明我错了。你的脑袋不适合我的肩膀。让它保持原位吧。我会尽力用我自己的方式去荣耀上帝。我会很高兴收到你的来信，但不要浪费你宝贵的时间和精力对我在纯观点的问题上说教。”{DG270.2}[44]
§96 Dont be anxious about my dwelling on disagreeables any more. I have them in my heart. But while on the stage of action I shall use the good old head God gave me until He reveals that I am wrong. Your head wont fit my shoulders. Keep it where it belongs, and I will try to honor God in using my own. I shall be glad to hear from you, but dont waste your precious time and strength lecturing me on matters of mere opinions.{DG 270.2}[44]
§97 还有更多这一类的问题。{DG270.3}[45]
§98 There is considerable more of the same kind.{DG 270.3}[45]
§99 现在，露辛达，我的道路是清晰的。今年夏天我不会越过平原。我很愿意在聚会中作见证，但是效果会比任何时候都差。{DG270.4}[46]
§100 Now, Lucinda, my course is clear. I shall not cross the plains this summer. I would be glad to bear my testimony in the meetings, but this cannot be without worse results than we could gain.{DG 270.4}[46]
§101 在这些事上你不愿意写一些吗？你为什么如此沉默？雅各的健康怎么样啦？有关雅各的梦搅扰了我。你对孩子们有什么看法？{DG270.5}[47]
§102 Will you not write me something in reference to these things? Why do you keep so silent? How is James health? I had a dream that troubled me in reference to James.What is your mind in reference to the children? {DG 270.5}[47]
§103 匆匆写就。--Letter1876.66(1876.5.16).{DG270.6}[48]
§104 In haste.--Letter 66, 1876 (May 16, 1876). {DG 270.6}[48]
§105 （以下几行字写于这封信第一页的边上）：“沃灵让他的家人去参加百年纪念的安排，梅不喜欢。她不想见沃灵，也反对去东部。我不去东部。我已决定。我没有得到指示要去任何地方。怀爱伦。”{DG271.1}[49]
§106 [THE FOLLOWING SENTENCES WERE WRITTEN IN THE MARGIN OF THE FIRST PAGE OF THE LETTER:] This arrangement of Wallings to have his family go to the Centennial, May does not like. She does not want to see Walling, and is opposed to going east. I shall not go east. I am decided. I get no light to go anywhere. EGW. {DG 271.1}[49]
§107 亲爱的露辛达姐妹：我为写给你的信而抱歉。无论我的感受如何，都不应使你因之烦恼。烧掉我所有的信吧，我不会再对你说使我烦心的事了。背负罪孽的主是我的避难所。当疲倦和负担沉重时，祂邀请我到祂那里去得安息。无论环境如何，我不会再说一句令自己愧疚的话了。在所有不快或烦恼的事上保持沉默对我来说始终是一种福气。当我偏离了这种做法时，我就非常后悔。{DG271.2}[50]
§108 Dear Sister Lucinda: I am sorry I wrote you the letters I have. Whatever may have been my feelings, I need not have troubled you with them. Burn all my letters, and I will relate no matters that perplex me to you. The [Sin]bearer is my refuge. He has invited me to come to Him for rest when weary and heavy laden. I will not be guilty of uttering a word again, whatever may be the circumstances. Silence in all things of a disagreeable or perplexing character has ever been a blessing to me. When I have departed from this, I have regretted it so much.{DG 271.2}[50]
§109 你知道你不在时，无论我多么痛苦，我也无人可以倾诉，但这不是借口。我已经给雅各写信向他承认错误了。你可以阅读所有从奥克兰寄给他的信，然后再邮寄到他的所在地。我不知道能把这些信寄给在堪萨斯的什么人。{DG271.3}[51]
§110 You knew when you left that there was no one I could speak with, however distressed I might be; but this is no excuse. I have written to James a letter of confession. You may read all letters that come from Oakland to him, and remail [them to him] where he is. I know not who to send letters in the care of at Kansas.{DG 271.3}[51]
§111 我昨晚收到了雅各的一封信，表达了很不一样的感情。但我不敢越过平原。我们俩最好分开。我并没有失去对我丈夫的爱，但是我无法解释这些事。我不会出席任何东部的帐篷聚会。我要留在加利福尼亚州写作。{DG271.4}[52]
§112 I received last night a letter from James expressing a very [different] tone of feelings. But I dare not cross the plains. It is better for us both to be separated. I have not lost my love for my husband, but I cannot explain things. I shall not attend any of the eastern camp meetings. I shall remain in California and write. {DG 271.4}[52]
§113 前面的信使我下定决心。我把它视为我所祈求的启示。我原本要去参加堪萨斯的聚会，但感觉被禁止启程。好了，主知道什么对我们最好。{DG271.5}[53]
§114 The last letters have fully decided me. I regard it the light that I have asked for. I would have come to the Kansas meeting but felt forbidden to start. It is all right. The Lord knows what is best for us all.{DG 271.5}[53]
§115 你走的时候，我不相信你的责任是去东部。你要是留下的话，我可能会有大得多的成就。但是我知道所有的情况，不能说出一句责备你或是我丈夫或是任何人的话。{DG271.6}[54]
§116 I have no confidence that it was your duty to go east when you did. Had you remained, I might have accomplished much more. But I understand all the circumstances, and have not a word of censure to lay on you or my husband or anyone.{DG 271.6}[54]
§117 我现在每天常常写20页。我已经完成了我的自传。我们发表了两种证言。还有一种即将完成。玛丽·克拉夫也是一样；她带着兴趣与喜乐的心工作。休证明是个好帮手。我不知道没有他，这个家会怎样维持。他做面包，极美味的馅饼，甜点并烹饪素食。他们所付给他的只有每周两美元，直到上个星期才付二点五美元。两周后会付三美元。玛丽（在教他）烹饪。他很利索，照顾着整个家。{DG271.7}[55]
§118 I am writing frequently twenty pages a day. I have dropped Sketches of Life. [We] have got off two more forms [of the testimony]. One more form will complete it. Mary Clough is just the same; sheworks with interest and cheerfulness. Shew proves to be a precious help; I dont know how we could keep house without him. He makes bread, just excellent pies, buns; and cooks vegetables. All that they have paid him as yet is two dollars each week, till last two weeks, two and [a] half. Shall pay three in two weeks more. Mary [is teaching him] to cook. He is neat; takes care of the whole house.{DG 271.7}[55]
§119 弗兰基·帕滕在哪里？她还来不来？你为什么不说说这些事呢？{DG272.1}[56]
§120 Where is Frankie Patten? Is she coming or not? Why do you not say something about these things?{DG 272.1}[56]
§121 爱你们。--Letter1876.67.(1876.5.17).{DG272.2}[57]
§122 Love to all.--Letter 67, 1876 (May 17, 1876).{DG 272.2}[57]
§123 下面这封信于1876年5月16日从加利福尼亚州奥克兰写给“亲爱的丈夫”。同一天她给露辛达·霍尔写了第三封信。{DG272.3}[58]
§124 THE FOLLOWING WAS WRITTEN TO DEAR HUSBAND, MAY 16, 1876, FROM OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA, THE SAME DAY THE THIRD LETTER WAS WRITTEN TO LUCINDA HALL. {DG 272.3}[58]
§125 我很伤心，因我说过或写过一些事让你伤心。请饶恕我，我会很谨慎再不说什么让你生气或烦恼的话题。我们生活在一个非常严肃的时间里。我们担不起因我们年老时（写这封信时怀爱伦48岁，她的丈夫54岁）的分歧而离心离德。我的看法可能不完全与你一样。但是我不认为自己有责任试图使你与我有一样的看法，一样的感受。为我曾经做过的这一切，我非常抱歉。{DG272.4}[59]
§126 It grieves me that I have said or written anything to grieve you. Forgive me and I will be cautious not to start any subject to annoy and distress you. We are living in a most solemn time and we cannot afford to have in our old age [ELLEN WHITE WAS 48 YEARS OF AGE AND HER HUSBAND WAS 54 WHEN THIS LETTER WAS WRITTEN.] differences to separate our feelings. I may not view all things as you do, but I do not think it would be my place or duty to try to make you see as I see and feel as I feel. Wherein I have done this, I am sorry. {DG 272.4}[59]
§127 我需要一颗谦卑的心，一个温柔与安静的灵。在任何情况下我让自己的感情冲动都是不对的。耶稣曾说：“我心里柔和谦卑，你们当负我的轭，学我的样式；这样，你们心里就必得享安息”（太11:29）。{DG272.5}[60]
§128 I want a humble heart, a meek and quiet spirit. Wherein my feelings have been permitted to arise in any instance, it was wrong. Jesus has said, Learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. Matthew 11:29. {DG 272.5}[60]
§129 我希望自我会隐藏在耶稣里。我希望自我被钉在十字架上。我不能自称毫无错误，或基督徒品格上的完全。我在生活中不免会有缺点和错误。我要是紧紧跟随了救主，原不必如此哀伤我不象祂可爱的形像。{DG272.6}[61]
§130 I wish that self should be hid in Jesus. I wish self to be crucified. I do not claim infallibility, or even perfection of Christian character. I am not free from mistakes and errors in my life. Had I followed my Saviour more closely, I should not have to mourn so much my unlikeness to His dear image. {DG 272.6}[61]
§131 时间短促，极为短促。生活无常。我们不知道何时我们的宽容时期会结束。我们若能谦卑地行在上帝面前，祂必让我们喜乐地结束我们的工作。我不会再在信中写一行字或一句话使你伤心。我再说，请饶恕我使你伤心的每一句话或每一个举动。{DG272.7}[62]
§132 Time is short, very short. Life is uncertain. We know not when our probation may close. If we walk humbly before God, He will let us end our labors with joy. No more shall a line be traced by me or expression made in my letter to distress you. Again I say, forgive me every word or act that has grieved you. {DG 272.7}[62]
§133 我为去东部的事恳求祈求亮光。我已经认定我的工作是在这里写作并做上帝的灵指示我去做的事。我正热切地寻求更高尚的生活。玛丽和我自己正在尽力做工。上帝本着祂的旨意赐给了我的工作。我不敢放下它。我们会祈求上帝扶持你，但我没有见到让我去东部的亮光。--20MR23(1876).{DG272.8}[63]
§134 I have earnestly prayed for light in reference to going east and I have now decided my work is here, to write and do those things thatthe Spirit of God shall dictate. I am seeking earnestly for the higher life. Mary and myself are at work as hard as we can. God in His providence has given me my work. I dare not leave it. We will pray that God may sustain you, but I see no light for me east.--20MR 23 (1876). {DG 272.8}[63]
§135 (几天以后怀爱伦显然改变了她的主意。她与丈夫一起参加了1876年夏季的帐篷聚会。他们接受了14个帐篷聚会的邀请，和谐做工。他们回到巴特尔克里克，要赶《预言之灵》卷二出版的截止日期。他们一起返回加利福尼亚，又重新一起担负起那里的工作。）{DG273.1}[64]
§136 [A FEW DAYS LATER ELLEN APPARENTLY CHANGED HER MIND AND JOINED HER HUSBAND FOR THE 1876 SUMMER CAMP MEETING SEASON. THEY MET 14 CAMP MEETING APPOINTMENTS, WORKING IN PERFECT HARMONY. RETURNING TO BATTLE CREEK, THEY MET PUBLISHING DEADLINES FOR SPIRIT OF PROPHECY, VOLUME 2. THEY WENT BACK TO CALIFORNIA TOGETHER, WHERE THEY AGAIN TOOK UP THE WORK THERE.]{DG 273.1}[64]
§137 怀雅各从另一次的中风中康复——我们的帐篷聚会结束了。我们都回家了。父亲如我们预期的那样坚持出席了帐篷聚会。他恢复得很慢——不能足够进食以维持其力量。我们为他献上了非常特别的祷告，我们的信心受了试验，但是我们没有灰心。{DG273.2}[65]
§138 James White Recovering After Another Stroke.--Our camp meeting has ended. We are all at home again. Father endured the camp meeting as well as we could expect. He comes up very slowly--cannot eat enough to sustain strength. We have very precious seasons of prayer in his behalf and our faith is tested but we do not become discouraged. {DG 273.2}[65]
§139 他中风瘫痪我倒感觉轻松一些。他非常安静，不兴奋，忍耐，温和并友善。照顾他的责任大都落在我身上。他似乎感觉到和我在一起就很安宁。但我们凭着信心求上帝实现让他痊愈的应许。我们相信这会实现。上帝有一项大工交给他和我。我们会有力量完成它。{DG273.3}[66]
§140 I am now satisfied that he had a stroke of paralysis. He is very quiet, not exacting, patient, tender and kind. The care falls principally upon me. He seems to feel that if I am with him he is at rest. But our faith claims the promises of God for his complete restoration. We believe it will be done. God has a great work for him and me. We shall have strength to perform it. {DG 273.3}[66]
§141 上帝支持我在出席五个帐篷聚会时承受双重的责任。我感到备受鼓舞。我极度努力地工作。上帝帮助了我。我现在要完成我的书，然后暂时放下写作。--10MR36,37(1877).{DG273.4}[67]
§142 God has sustained me in bearing my double burden at the five camp meetings I have attended. I feel of the best of courage. I have labored exceedingly hard and God has helped me. I now mean to complete my book and then let writing go for the present.--10MR 36, 37 (1877).{DG 273.4}[67]
§143 怀雅各康复了——我非常自由地讲了一个小时。大家都很留心听。但事情最好的一面是父亲上了讲台，象平时那样歌唱祷告了。这是上帝的作为，祂的名当得一切的荣耀。--10MR36(1877).{DG273.5}[68]
§144 James White Like Himself Again.--I had great freedom in speaking one hour. All were deeply attentive. But the best part of the matter was that Father went into the stand, sang and prayed like his own self. This is Gods doing and His name shall have all the glory.--10MR 36 (1877).{DG 273.5}[68]
§145 怀雅各去世几周之后——我越来越怀念你父亲了，尤其是在山上时我倍感他的离去。我发现在山里有没有丈夫同在是极不相同的。我完全意识到，我的生命与我丈夫的生命是交织在一起的。没有他我几乎无法担当什么重任。--Letter.1881.17{DG273.6}[69]
§146 A Few Weeks After James Whites Death.--I miss Father more and more. Especially do I feel his loss while here in the mountains. I find it a very different thing being in the mountains with my husband and in the mountains without him. I am fully of the opinionthat my life was so entwined or interwoven with my husbands that it is about impossible for me to be of any great account without him.--Letter 17, 1881.{DG 273.6}[69]
§147 怀雅各去世以后的岁月——后来我的丈夫，耶稣基督忠心的仆人，在我身边三十六年的他，也被取去了，撇下我孤独地劳碌下去。他在耶稣里安睡了。我虽没有在他的坟前落泪；可是，我多么想念他啊！我多么渴望他的劝勉和智慧的话语！多么渴望听到他与我一同祷告，祈求亮光和指导，祈求智慧以知道如何计划并安排工作啊！--2SM259(1899.){DG274.1}[70]
§148 Years After James Whites Death.--My husband, the faithful servant of Jesus Christ, who had stood by my side for thirty-six years, was taken from me, and I was left to labor alone. He sleeps in Jesus. I have no tears to shed over his grave. But how I miss him! How I long for his words of counsel and wisdom! How I long to hear his prayers blending with my prayers for light and guidance, for wisdom to know how to plan and lay out the work!--2SM 259 (1899.){DG 274.1}[70]
§149 我丈夫于1881年逝世。从那时起，我所做的工作，超过了我以前的全部分量。我承担各种责任，写作并出版书籍。我丈夫即将离世时，我答应他，倘若主愿意赐我力量，我会在两个儿子的协助下继续他和我曾共同承担的工作。我没考虑自己的安逸。我不肯灰心，也不肯丧胆。我并没有得到任何话语说我会在上帝的城中见到我的丈夫。我希望我不需要任何话语的证据作为保证。从上帝的话中我可以证明我丈夫爱真理并持守了信仰。我确信我若能继续信靠、忠心，做忠心的信使、行上帝的旨意，我丈夫和我必在上帝的国中相会。我毫不怀疑我的丈夫已为脱下军装做好了准备。{DG274.2}[71]
§150 My husband died in 1881. Since that time I have done more work than in all my life before in carrying responsibilities and in writing and publishing books. When my husband was dying, I promised him that with the help of my two sons I would carry on the work that he and I had done unitedly, if the Lord would be pleased to give me strength. I have not studied my ease. I have refused to fail or become discouraged. And I have not been told in words that I shall see my husband in the City of God. I hope that I should not need the evidence of words to give me this assurance. I have the evidence of the Word of God that my husband loved the truth and kept the faith. And I have the assurance that if I follow on trustingly, faithfully, doing Gods will as a faithful messenger, my husband and I will be reunited in the kingdom of God. I have not one particle of doubt regarding my husbands preparedness to lay off the armor.{DG 274.2}[71]
§151 我丈夫去世以后的那一年是我所经历过最难受的时光。但当我站在希尔兹堡帐篷聚会的大帐篷里时，赐生命的能力临到了我，我特别感到主存留了我的生命，使我可以传明确的信息，上帝的使者在我身边。若没有主作我帮助者的证据，我无法这样工作。因祂存留了我的生命，我会忠心地履行我的责任。我不是在做我的工作，而是在做主的工作。{DG274.3}[72]
§152 The year [after] [THIS WORD WAS PREVIOUSLY TRANSCRIBED AS BEFORE, BUT INTERNAL EVIDENCE SUGGESTS THAT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN AFTER.] my husbands death was the most trying one I ever experienced. But since the life-giving power came to me as I stood in the large tent at the Healdsburg camp meeting, I have felt in a special sense that the Lord spared my life that I might bear a definite message, and that the angels of God are by my side. Were it not for the evidence that the Lord is my helper, I could not work as I do. While He spares my life, I shall faithfully discharge my duty. I am not doing my work, but the work of the Lord.{DG 274.3}[72]
§153 我的姐妹，现在我们有权利接受主的话语。我从来没有要求上帝向我显明我是否会得救，或是我丈夫是否会得救。我相信我如果在生活上顺从上帝的一切诫命，不灰心，并行在光中象基督在光中一样，我最终必会面对面见我的救主。我在为此而奋斗。我必不倚靠人，依靠血肉的膀臂。上帝应许说，我如果能忠心地传扬祂所交给我的信息，就会得到生命的冠冕。我得到这个冠冕有赖于我相信真理的信息，并用信心把握上帝的应许，相信祂必会用祂的恩典支持我履行祂所交托给我的责任。如果我能忠心地履行我的责任，他人所选择去做的事就不会因我未曾警告过他们而算在我的账上。--Letter1906.82{DG274.4}[73]
§154 Now, my sister, we have a right to take the Lord at His word. I have never asked God to reveal to me whether I should be saved, or whether my husband will be saved. I believe that if I live in obedience to all the commandments of God, and do not become discouraged,but walk in the light as Christ is in the light, I shall at last meet my Saviour and see His face. For this I am striving. I will not trust in man or make flesh my arm. I have the promise that if I am faithful in bearing the messages God gives me, I shall receive the crown of life. My gaining this crown depends on my believing the message of truth, and holding by faith the promise of God that I shall have His grace to sustain me in discharging the duties He requires of me. If I discharge faithfully my duty, what others choose to do will not be charged to my account because I did not warn them.--Letter 82, 1906.{DG 274.4}[73]
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