第03章 个性
§1
第03章 个性
§2
Chap. 3—Individuality
§3
妻子的个性——一个女人如果在家庭生活中最小的事情上都愿意总是听命于人，愿意放弃她的特性，那么她在世上就决不会成为一个有用的人，也不会成为别人的福气，实行上帝在她身上的旨意。她只是一台机器，要受另一个意志和另一个心思所支配。无论男女，上帝已经赐给每个人一种特性，一种个性。所有的人都必须亲自存敬畏上帝的心行事。——《怀爱伦信函》1885年25号. {TSB 25.2}[1]
§4
Individuality of the Wife—A woman that will submit to be ever dictated to in the smallest matters of domestic life, who will yield up her identity, will never be of much use or blessing in the world, and will not answer the purpose of God in her existence. She is a mere machine to be guided by another’s will and another’s mind. God has given each one, men and women, an identity, an individuality, that they must act in the fear of God for themselves.—Letter 25, 1885.?{TSB 25.2}[1]
§5
丈夫和妻子不同的个性——我蒙指示：有的夫妇虽已结婚，在天国和圣天使面前彼此立下最严肃的誓言，合而为一，但婚约无法消灭他们各自的个性。他们虽已彼此结合，但各人仍能对世界发挥自己的影响。他们不应该自私地只彼此关注，与社会脱节，不发挥他们的用处和影响。——《怀爱伦信函》1864年9号{TSB 25.3}[2]
§6
Separate Identity of Husband and Wife—I was shown that although a couple were married, gave themselves to each other by a most solemn vow in the sight of heaven and holy angels, and the two were one, yet each had a separate identity which the marriage covenant could not destroy. Although bound to one another, yet each has an influence to exert in the world, and they should not be so selfishly engrossed with each other as to shut themselves away from society and bury their usefulness and influence.—Letter 9, 1864.?{TSB 25.3}[2]
§7
一个被动的妻子——假如妻子决定丈夫有权完全控制她的身体，使她在各方面都迎合他，接受他的思维模式，放弃自己的个性，她的特性就会消失，泯没在丈夫的特性之中。她只是一台机器，受丈夫意志的控制和左右，以供他欢心。丈夫替她思考，作决定和行动。她这样被动乃是羞辱上帝。她在上帝面前有责任，她的本分是保守这种责任。{TSB 25.4}[3]
§8
A Passive Wife—Let the wife decide that it is the husband’s prerogative to have full control of her body, and?to mold her mind to suit his in every respect, to run in the same channel as his own, and she yields her individuality; her identity is lost, merged in that of her husband. She is a mere machine for his will to move and control, a creature of his pleasure. He thinks for her, decides for her, and acts for her. She dishonors God in occupying this passive position. She has a responsibility before God, which it is her duty to preserve.?{TSB 25.4}[3]
§9
当妻子让自己的身心受丈夫的控制，在凡事上被动地顺服他的意志，牺牲自己的良心，尊严，甚至是个性的时候，她就丧失了发挥她应有强大为善的影响以使她丈夫得到提高的机会。——《评论与通讯》 1899年9月26日?{TSB 26.1}[4]
§10
When the wife yields her body and mind to the control of her husband, being passive to his will in all things, sacrificing her conscience, her dignity, and even her identity, she loses the opportunity of exerting that mighty influence for good which she should possess, to elevate her husband.—The Review and Herald, September 26, 1899.?{TSB 26.1}[4]
§11
爱基督， 彼此相爱——丈夫和妻子都不应让自己的个性融合在对方的个性之中。他们与上帝都有个人的关系，应当询问上帝：“什么是对的？”“什么是错的？”“我如何最好地实现人生的宗旨？”要把你的感情投放在为你舍命的主身上。凡事要以基督为首，为终，为至善。当你对祂的爱更深更强烈时，你们彼此的爱也就得到了净化和加强。{TSB 26.2}[5]
§12
Love for Christ, Love for Each Other—Neither the husband nor the wife should merge his or her individuality in that of the other. Each has a personal relation to God. Of Him each is to ask, “What is right?” “What is wrong?” “How may I best fulfill life’s purpose?” Let the wealth of your affection flow forth to Him who gave His life for you. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. As your love for Him becomes deeper and stronger, your love for each other will be purified and strengthened.?{TSB 26.2}[5]
§13
基督对我们所表显的精神，就像夫妻间所应当表现的精神。“正如基督爱我们”，“凭爱心行事”。“教会怎样顺服基督，妻子也要怎样凡事顺服丈夫。你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会，为教会舍己”（弗 5:2,24,25）。{TSB 26.3}[6]
§14
The spirit that Christ manifests toward us is the spirit that husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. “As Christ also hath loved us,” “walk in love.” “As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.”?{TSB 26.3}[6]
§15
不可专横地控制——丈夫和妻子都不可强行控制对方，让对方屈从你的意志。你这样做无法维持彼此的爱。应当亲切，忍耐，宽容，体贴，有礼貌。靠着基督的恩典，你能使对方快乐，正如你在婚约中所承诺的。——《评论与通讯》1908年12月10日{TSB 26.4}[7]
§16
No Arbitrary Control—Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary?control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient and forbearing, considerate and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do.—The Review and Herald, December 10, 1908.?{TSB 26.4}[7]
§17
我蒙指示，看到了他的儿媳。她本是上帝所爱的，却陷入束缚，恐惧，战抖，失望，疑惑和紧张的奴役中。这位姐妹不应觉得必须让自己的意志屈从一位不信上帝，也不如她成熟的青年。她应该记住她的婚姻不应消灭自己的个性。上帝对她的要求，远超过世间任何的要求。基督用自己的宝血赎买了她。她不是属于自己的。她没有完全信赖上帝，却将自己的信仰和良心交给了一个专横暴虐的人。每当撒但邪恶的权势能有效地藉着他恐吓这个颤抖畏缩的女子时，此人就会勃然大怒。她经常焦虑不安，神经系统遭到摧残，成了废物。{TSB 27.1}[8]
§18
I was then shown his daughter-in-law. She is beloved of God, but held in servile bondage, fearing, trembling, desponding, doubting, and very nervous. This sister should not feel that she must yield her will to a godless youth who has less years upon his head than herself. She should remember that her marriage does not destroy her individuality. God has claims upon her higher than any earthly claim. Christ has bought her with His own blood. She is not her own. She fails to put her entire trust in God, and submits to yield her convictions, her conscience, to an overbearing, tyrannical man, fired up by Satan whenever his satanic majesty can work effectually through him to intimidate this trembling, shrinking soul. She has so many times been thrown into agitation that her nervous system is shattered, and she is merely a wreck.?{TSB 27.1}[8]
§19
这位姐妹落到这种处境，被剥夺了侍奉上帝的权利，难道是上帝的旨意么？不是的。她的婚姻是魔鬼的诡计。但她现在应当尽量利用这样的处境，温柔地对待她的丈夫，使他幸福，但也不违背她自己的良心。如果他继续悖逆，这个世界就成了他的天堂。然而剥夺她参加聚会的权利，来满足具有龙的精神的专横丈夫，并不符合上帝的旨意。祂希望这颗颤抖的心投奔祂。祂将成为她的避难所。祂如同大磐石的影子在疲乏之地。只要有信心，信靠上帝，祂就会祝福并赐力量。她的三个孩子也会感受到真理和圣灵的影响。这些孩子如果处在有利的环境下，像许多遵守安息日的孩子们一样，就会发生变化，成为上帝军队的一员。——《教会证言》 卷二 99，100页{TSB 27.2}[9]
§20
Is it the will of the Lord that this sister should be in this state and God be robbed of her service? No. Her marriage was a deception of the devil. Yet now she should make the best of it, treat her husband with tenderness, and make him as happy as she can without violating her conscience; for if he remains in his rebellion, this world is all the heaven he will have. But to deprive herself of the privilege of meetings, to gratify an overbearing husband possessing the spirit of the dragon, is not according to God’s will. He wants this trembling soul to flee to Him. He will be a covert to her. He will be like the shadow of a great rock in a weary land.?Only have faith, trust in God and He will strengthen and bless. All three of her children are susceptible to the influences of the truth and Spirit of God. Could these children be as favorably situated as are many Sabbathkeeping children, all would be converted and enlist in the army of the Lord.—Testimonies for the Church 2:99, 100.?{TSB 27.2}[9]
§21
家中的头——玛丽：……我希望本着姐妹和母亲般的仁慈，温柔地在另一点上告诫你。我经常看到你用命令的口吻对约翰说话。你的声音听上去很不耐烦。玛丽，别人注意到这一点，就向我反应。这危害了你的影响力。{TSB 28.1}[10]
§22
The Head of the House—Mary, ... I wish in all sisterly and motherly kindness to kindly warn you upon another point. I have often noticed before others a manner you have in speaking to John in rather a dictating manner, the tone of your voice sounding impatient. Mary, others notice this and have spoken of it to me. It hurts your influence.?{TSB 28.1}[10]
§23
我们女人必须记住，上帝将我们放在顺服丈夫的位置上。他是头，在可能的情况下，我们的判断，观点和思维应与他保持一致。即便不一致，在不属良心的问题上，上帝的话语中把优先权给了丈夫。我们必须服从头。—— 《怀爱伦信函》1861年5号 {TSB 28.2}[11]
§24
We women must remember that God has placed us subject to the husband. He is the head, and our judgment and views and reasonings must agree with his, if possible. If not, the preference in God’s Word is given to the husband where it is not a matter of conscience. We must yield to the head.—Letter 5, 1861.?{TSB 28.2}[11]
§25
专横的丈夫——关于你的婚姻，我要说几句话，不是根据启示，而是出于许可。我感觉上帝的灵在催促我对你说，我对你婚后的正直没有以前那么信任。我的心情很沉重。我知道你不适于做德雷克姊妹的好丈夫。如果你允许她将遭遇告诉我们，我们会本着上帝所赐有关你们情况的亮光劝勉她的。你知道这一点，所以就不愿意找我们商量。R 弟兄，我认为你结婚的动机完全是自私的。我不相信你考虑过德雷克姊妹的利益或上帝的荣耀。你没有请教了解你的人，就急于向她求爱。你凭着一贯的草率精神匆匆成就此事。{TSB 28.3}[12]
§26
An Overbearing Husband—I have a few words to say in regard to your marriage, not by revelation but permission. Yes, I feel compelled by the Spirit of the Lord to say to you [that] I have had less confidence in your integrity since your marriage than I have had heretofore. My heart was greatly burdened. I knew you were not qualified to make a proper husband for Sister Drake. If you had permitted her to lay her case before us, we could have advised her according to the light God has given us of your case. You knew this, therefore you were unwilling to have us consulted. Brother R, I believe that your motives in this marriage were purely selfish. I do not believe you had a thought of the good of Sister Drake or the glory of God. You urged yourself upon?her without consulting those who knew you best. You hurried this matter off with your own hasty spirit that you have ever possessed.?{TSB 28.3}[12]
§27
钱财的管理——你结婚以后控制你妻子钱财的做法，表明你的动机是错误的。这一切都对你作出不利的见证，表明你十分自私和独裁。这是上帝不愿意让她服从的。她的婚姻并没有剥夺她管理财产的权利，也不取消她的个性。如果她愿意用自己属于上帝的身体和心灵来荣耀上帝，她的个性就应予以保留。她的个性不可埋没在你的个性里。她对于上帝的职责是你无权干预的。上帝对她的要求是你无法满足的。根据上帝的天意安排，她已成为祂的管家。她不应把这个权利交给你或其他任何人。{TSB 29.1}[13]
§28
Stewardship of Means—Your course since your marriage, in taking possession of and controlling the means of her [whom] you had made your wife, shows your motives to be wrong. All these things are against you and show on your part very deep selfishness and a dictatorial spirit which God would not have her submit to. Her marriage does not make null and void her stewardship. It does not destroy her identity. Her individuality should be preserved if she would glorify God with her body and spirit, which are His. Her individuality cannot be submerged in you. She has duties she owes to God which you have no right to interfere with. God has claims upon her which you cannot meet. In the providence of God she has become His steward, and this she should refuse to yield to you or any other one.?{TSB 29.1}[13]
§29
你的智慧并不比她完美。所以她不应把管理她财产的权利交给你。她所造就的品格比你更好，心智也更均衡。她能用自己的手比你更有智慧，更有判断力，更荣耀上帝地管理这份财产。而你是极端的人，凭冲动做事，大部分时间被恶天使所控制，而不是被上帝的天使所控制。—— 《怀爱伦信函》1870年4号 {TSB 29.2}[14]
§30
You have not wisdom more exact and perfect than hers which should lead her to give to you the stewardship of her means. She has developed a far better character than yourself, and has a better balanced mind than yourself. She can manage this means in her hands more wisely, more judiciously, and more to the glory of God than yourself. You are a man of extremes. You move by impulse and are most of the time more directly under the control of evil angels than the angels of God.—Letter 4, 1870.?{TSB 29.2}[14]
§31
不正确的动机——我无须告诉你，我对你们的婚姻深感遗憾。你不是一个能使妻子快乐的人。你太爱自己，做不到亲切，体贴，忍耐，慈爱和同情。你现在需要多么温柔地对待所娶的妻子啊！你需要多么仔细地学习，使她不为已经与你共命运而后悔啊！上帝看到你在这件事上的做法。你所做的事是没有理由的。上帝知道你的动机。你现在有机会表现真实的自我，证明结婚是出于真正的爱还是出于严重的私心。我毫不怀疑地认为你结婚是为了获得财产，好随意处置。{TSB 29.3}[15]
§32
Improper Motives—I need not tell you I deeply regret your marriage. You are not the man that can make your wife happy. You love yourself too well to be kind, attentive, patient, affectionate, and sympathizing. How tenderly you should now treat her whom you have married. How carefully you should study to make her not regret that she?has united her destiny with yours. God looks upon the course you have pursued in this matter, and you will be without excuse for the course you have taken. God reads your motives. You now have an opportunity to exhibit your true self, to demonstrate whether you were actuated by true love or deep, selfish interest in your marriage. You married, I have no doubt, thinking you would come in possession of property and have the handling of it as you pleased.?{TSB 29.3}[15]
§33
慈爱与温柔的重要性——你没有权利指挥你的妻子，象对待小孩子一样。你尚不拥有值得尊重的好名声。鉴于你过去的失败，你需要降卑自己，放弃你还没有赢得的尊敬。你过于软弱，没有呼吁就要人顺服你的意志。你要学会自制。{TSB 30.1}[16]
§34
Importance of Love and Tenderness—You have no right to dictate to your wife as you would a child. You have not earned a valuable reputation of goodness that would require reverence. You need, considering your failures in the past, to take a humble position and divest yourself of a dignity you have not earned. You are too weak a man to require submission to your will without an appeal. You have a work to do to govern yourself....?{TSB 30.1}[16]
§35
你决不要凌驾于妻子之上。她需要温柔慈爱。这种品质也会反射到你的身上。你如果希望她爱你，就必须通过对她的言行所表现的慈爱和温柔来赢得这爱。你一心想掌握你的妻子快乐。你的行为是在告诉她：你要快乐，你的意志就必须完全屈服于我的意志，你必须讨我的欢心。你特别喜欢运用自己的权威，因为你以为自己可以这么做。但时间会证明，如果你照自己的性情行事，就不会在你妻子心中激发起爱，她的感情也会离你而去，最终鄙视这种权威。这种权威是她在结婚之前从来没有感受到的。你肯定在为自己做艰难痛苦的工作。你将要收获自己所撒种的。{TSB 30.2}[17]
§36
You should never set yourself above your wife. She needs kindness and love, which will be reflected back to you again. If you expect her to love you, you must earn this love by manifesting love and tenderness in your words and actions for her. You have in your keeping the happiness of your wife. Your course says to her, In order for you to be happy, you must yield your will up fully to mine; you must submit to do my pleasure. You have taken special delight in exercising your authority because you thought you could do so. But time will show that if you pursue the course your own temperament would lead you to do, you will not inspire in the heart of your wife love, but will wean her affections from you, and she will in the end despise that authority, the power of which she has never felt before in her married life. You are certainly making hard and bitter work for yourself, and you will reap what you are sowing.?{TSB 30.2}[17]
§37
母亲对她孩子的责任——我只能坦率地对你说。这件事需要谈一谈。你与德雷克姊妹结婚有没有改善她的处境呢？根本没有。相反，你的做法使她的生活十分痛苦，几乎无法忍受了。我一听说你的婚姻，就知道其结果。她原以为需要找一个人来帮助她照顾儿子，但你却使他们母子分离，以结婚为名，要求她将对她儿子的母爱和关怀都转移到你身上。你什么都没有做，却要求对方作出这么大的牺牲。你没有采取什么行动来赢得她的信任。但你却要求她作出这么大的牺牲，让母子分离。我们恳劝你能明白事理，但我们要说你知之甚少。你没有认识到自己有责任忍耐，仁慈，明智地处理她儿子的事情，你却做了一个冷酷无情的暴君所做的事情。{TSB 30.3}[18]
§38
A Mother’s Responsibility to Her Child—I dare not do?otherwise than speak to you plainly. The case demands it. How is the marriage of Sister Drake to you improving her condition? Not a whit; but your course is making her life a bitterness, her lot almost unbearable. I knew how it would be as soon as I heard of your marriage. She thought she was to have one to help her take care of her boy, but you would tear the mother from her son, and require her to yield her parental care and affection for her son to you who have only your marriage to plead why this should be so. You have done nothing to earn this great sacrifice. You have not pursued a course to even gain her confidence. Yet you demand this great sacrifice, the separation of the mother from her son. You may plead that you understand the case, while we plead [that] you know but little about it. Instead of your feeling it to be your duty to be patient and affectionate, and judiciously manage the case of this her son, you take a course that a heartless, unfeeling tyrant would pursue.?{TSB 30.3}[18]
§39
我劝这位母亲要本着敬畏上帝的心行动，不要让一个比较陌生的人介入，要求丈夫的权利，使她的孩子得不到她的爱心和关怀。上帝并没有因她嫁给你，就解除了她作母亲的责任。你没有真正的爱，不熟悉纯洁的东西。如果你熟悉，就不会这样做了。——《怀爱伦信函》1870年4号 {TSB 31.1}[19]
§40
I would advise the mother to move in the fear of God and not allow a comparative stranger to come in, claiming the title of husband, and separate her child from her affection and care. God has not released that mother from her responsibility because she has married you. You do not possess true love. You are not acquainted with the pure article. If you were, you would never have pursued the course you have.—Letter 4, 1870.?{TSB 31.1}[19]