第02章 警告和劝勉
§1
第02章 警告和劝勉
§2
Chap. 2—Cautions and Counsels
§3
一位儿童新娘 [这个姑娘结婚时的年龄不详]—— 可怜的姑娘！她结婚时还只是一个需要母亲照顾的孩子。这是一件不幸的事。她年纪太轻，身体不好，丈夫严厉又专横。这个孩子为人妻还太小，得不到丈夫应有的尊重。她只是一个孩子。丈夫却像暴君那样管辖她。虽然他们已经分开，她依然很恨他，他也不爱她。——《怀爱伦文稿》 1873年4号{TSB 19.2}[1]
§4
A Child Bride?[The age of this girl at the time of her marriage is not known.]—Poor girl! She married when but a mere child, needing her mother’s care. It was an unhappy event. She was a young child. Her health was poor and her husband was severe and arbitrary. This child was too young for a companion. He could not respect her as such. She was but a child. He ruled her like a tyrant. Already they are parted, she hating him most thoroughly and he without love for her.—Manuscript 4, 1873.?{TSB 19.2}[1]
§5
长时间的约会并不明智——我感到难过，因为你和内莉.A陷入了爱河。首先，你谈情说爱为时过早。明智的判断和谨慎会让你再等一两年。但是你用那么多时间选择感情寄托的对象，对于你和你所追求的对象来说，都不能算审慎之举。{TSB 19.3}[2]
§6
Long Engagements Not Wise—I am sorry that you have entangled yourself in any courtship with Nellie A. In the first place, your anxiety upon this question is premature. Sound judgment and discretion will bid you wait for one or two years. But for you to select one to be in your mind and affections that length of time would not be prudent for you or just to the one to whom you pay your address.?{TSB 19.3}[2]
§7
早恋——在这件事上，我要说我所知道的。你和内莉最好的做法乃是完全放弃这件事情，因为它没有好处。你继续依恋她，将使你无法胜任自己的职责，且会在你的道路上设置障碍，使你不能接受充分的教育，养成身体和心灵良好的习惯。早恋对于你和任何少女来说都是不公正的。……{TSB 19.4}[3]
§8
Premature Affections—I speak what I know in this matter,?that the very best course for you and for Nellie is to give this matter up entirely, for no good can come of it. In continuing your attentions to her, you will be unfitting yourself for your office duties and placing obstructions in your way for a thorough education and for the habits of body and mind to become settled. Even to bind your affections prematurely is doing yourself and any young lady injustice....?{TSB 19.4}[3]
§9
我蒙指示，看到了早恋的坏处，特别是当一个小伙子离开自己的家，在没有母亲有识别力的眼光帮助之下选择伴侣的时候。你依赖自己的判断并不安全。过早地考虑恋爱和婚姻问题，会使你的学习和工作分心，导致你和你所追求的对象情绪低落。你们会冒然行事，意乱情迷，完全不知道如果你们继续我行我素，你们的影响和榜样将会使你们遭到批评和谴责。{TSB 20.1}[4]
§10
I have been shown the evil of these early attachments, especially when a young man is away from the home roof and must select his companion without the discriminating eye of his mother. It is not safe for you to trust to your own judgment. Early anxiety upon the subject of courtship and marriage will divert your mind from your work and studies, and will produce in you and the one whom you flatter with your attentions a demoralizing influence. There will be in you both a vain forwardness in manners, and infatuation will seize you both, and you will be so completely blinded in regard to your influence and example that you will, if you continue in the course you have entered upon, expose yourselves to criticism and demand that censure should be passed upon your course.?{TSB 20.1}[4]
§11
这样的恋爱和婚姻是很难控制的。因为当人的头脑迷恋于爱情的时候，对于上帝和其他事物的责任就变得索然无味了。他们在这件最严肃的事情上，极少运用平静成熟的思维。亲爱的青年啊，作为过来人，我有些话对你说。在你考虑婚姻问题之前，要先对自己和世界，对年轻女子的行为和品格有一些正确的认识。{TSB 20.2}[5]
§12
This courtship and marriage is the most difficult to manage, because the mind becomes so bewildered and enchanted that duty to God and everything else becomes tame and uninteresting, and calm and mature thought is the last thing to be exercised in this matter of the gravest importance. Dear youth, I speak to you as one who knows. Wait till you have some just knowledge of yourself and of the world, of the bearing and character of young women, before you let the subject of marriage possess your thoughts.?{TSB 20.2}[5]
§13
蜜月之后——我可以告诉你，许多人正为自己在婚姻上极为愚蠢和疯狂的行为而悲哀，但悲哀也无济于事。他们遭遇到从未想像到的试探，发现自己无法提高所选择对象的品性，就只好接受这个无法避免的事实，降格到他们的水准。内莉.A决不会使你高尚。她身上没有潜力，可以经过开发而成为一个有见识有能力的女人，站在你身边，帮助你打人生的仗。她缺乏品格的力量。她的想法没有深度，心思没有定向，不会对你有帮助。你看到的是表面。这就是她的全部。要是你们结婚了，吸引力不久就会消失。婚姻生活的新鲜感过去之后，你就会看到事情的真相，并发现你犯了一个可悲的错误。{TSB 20.3}[6]
§14
After the Honeymoon—I could cite you many who are now mourning over their extreme folly and madness in their marriage, when mourning will avail them nothing. They?find themselves exposed to temptations they never dreamed of; they find traits of character in the object of their choice above which they cannot elevate them, and therefore they accept the inevitable and come to their level. Nellie A will never elevate you. She has not in her the hidden powers which, developed, would make a woman of judgment and ability to stand by your side, to help you in the battles of life. She lacks force of character. She has not depth of thought and compass of mind that will be a help to you. You see the surface and it is all there is. In a little while, should you marry, the charm would be broken. The novelty of the married life having ceased, you will see things in their real light, and find out you have made a sad mistake.?{TSB 20.3}[6]
§15
需要成熟的判断力——成熟的判断力会给你带来好得多的辨别能力，帮助你认识真理。在你考虑婚姻问题之前，你的品格需要塑造，你的判断力需要加强。你还没有准备好去判别他人，不要被引诱犯下不慎的严重错误，即便不是犯罪，余生的懊悔和辛酸的眼泪也无法弥补这样的错误。这位思想尚未成熟的女生，还依赖着父母和监护人的保护，没有理智去应付恋爱婚姻的问题。她应当拒绝一切稍有可能导致这方面后果的特别关注，专心造就自己成为完美的女性，使自己的人生成为有用，学会一门手艺，能以就业，并能独立。{TSB 21.1}[7]
§16
Need of Mature Judgment—Maturity of judgment will give you much better discernment and power of discrimination to know the truth. Your character needs forming, your judgment needs strength before you entertain the thought of marriage. You are not now prepared to judge of another, and do not be betrayed into committing a grievous indiscretion, if not crime, for which the bitter regrets and tears of afterlife will bring no relief. The child, the mere undisciplined immature schoolgirl, the Miss, dependent upon the discretion of parents and guardians, has no reason to listen to anything like courtship or marriage. She should decline all special attentions which would have the least likelihood to lead to any such results, and devote herself intently to making herself as perfect a woman as possible, that her life may be useful, and learn a trade that she will have employment and be independent.?{TSB 21.1}[7]
§17
真爱以理智为基础——爱是非常神圣的情感，很少人真正了解它。人们常用“爱”字，却并不明白。一个年轻人对另一个人冲动的热情和迷恋不是爱；这种感情不配这个名称。真爱有一种理智的基础，对所爱的对象有深刻彻底的了解。但这样急于寻找对象，予以牵挂，付出感情，是没有理智，没有见识，而且过分，暂时和基于情欲的。{TSB 21.2}[8]
§18
Intellectual Basis of True Love—Love is a sentiment so sacred that but few know what it is. It is a term used but not understood. The warm glow of impulse, the fascination of one young person for another, is not love; it does not?deserve the name. True love has an intellectual basis, a deep, thorough knowledge of the object loved. But this catching up with objects and bestowing on them the thoughts and affections, is without reason, without judgment, and is excessive, temporary, and sensual.?{TSB 21.2}[8]
§19
要记住冲动的爱是完全盲目的，不久就会投在没价值的对象上，如同投在有价值的对象上一样。要吩咐这种爱站着别动，冷静下来，让位于真正的思考和深入认真的反省。你所钟情的对象，在智力和美德方面，在举止和教养方面，会使你自豪地将她介绍给你的父家，并在所有的场合都承认她是你选择的对象，她的社交，谈话能力，举止态度都是你最喜爱最满意的吗？内莉是这样的人吗？ 我敢肯定地说，她决不是。{TSB 22.1}[9]
§20
Remember that impulsive love is perfectly blind. It will as soon be placed on unworthy objects as worthy. Command such love to stand still and cool. Give place to genuine thought and deep, earnest reflection. Is this object of your affection, in the scale of intelligence and moral excellence, in deportment and cultivated manners, such that you will feel a pride in presenting her to your father’s family, to acknowledge her in all society as the object of your choice, one whose society, conversational powers, and manners will interest and satisfy your most grand expectations? Will Nellie fill this bill? I answer decidedly, No, she will not.?{TSB 22.1}[9]
§21
家庭背景的重要性——让时间教你审慎行事，以及什么是爱的真实要求，然后再迈出下一步。如果你一意孤行，摆在面前的，就是今生和来生可怕的毁灭。要考虑家庭的背景。两个家庭将要结成神圣亲密的关系。当然不可能指望所有的亲属都完美无瑕。但是你所准备迎娶的姑娘，其长辈和亲属如果会使你堕落和蒙受羞辱，或引诱你忽视罪恶，你就是走出了最残忍的一步。{TSB 22.2}[10]
§22
Importance of Family Backgrounds—Let time teach you discretion, and what the genuine claims of love are, before it is allowed to step one inch further. Ruin, fearful ruin, is before you in this life and the next, if you pursue the course you have been following. Look to the family history. Two families are to be brought into close and sacred connection. Perfection in all these relations is not, of course, to be expected, but you would make a most cruel move to marry a girl whose ancestry and relatives would degrade and mortify you, or tempt you to slight and ignore them.?{TSB 22.2}[10]
§23
父母和密友的忠告——在这些事上慎重慢行是安全的。要给你自己足够的时间来观察每一点，不要相信你自己的判断，而要让爱你的母亲和父亲，还有可信任的朋友，对你的意中人作认真的观察。不要信赖你自己的判断。不要娶你觉得不会给你的父母带来光彩的人，而要娶有知识有美德的人。有的姑娘爱上一个人后，只要他不粗暴拒绝，她就会主动示好，尽量引起他的注意。这种姑娘你不要结交。她谈吐庸俗，往往没有深度。{TSB 22.3}[11]
§24
Counsel From Parents and Close Friends—It is safe to make haste slowly in these matters. Give yourself sufficient time for observation on every point, and then do not trust to your own judgment, but let the mother who loves you, and your father, and confidential friends, make critical observation of the one you feel inclined to favor. Trust not to your own judgment, and marry no one whom you feel will not be?an honor to your father and mother, [but] one who has intelligence and moral worth. The girl who gives over her affections to a man, and invites his attention by her advances, hanging around where she will be noticed of him unless he shall appear rude, is not the girl you want to associate with. Her conversation is cheap and frequently without depth.?{TSB 22.3}[11]
§25
不般配的婚姻不如单身——内莉. A 小姐虽已25岁，却还不具备优雅的举止和有用的知识，预备好结婚。但有些姑娘在18岁就已准备好。但像你这样年龄的人对于品格的认识十分有限，不知道一个人迷恋不适合他的姑娘是多么愚蠢。不结婚远比不幸的婚姻好。但在这一切的事上要寻求上帝的指导。要冷静，要顺从上帝的旨意，使你不会处于兴奋的狂热之中，因你的迷恋而不适合为上帝服务。——《怀爱伦信函》1880年59号{TSB 23.1}[12]
§26
No Marriage Preferable to a Mismatch—Nellie A will not be as much prepared by cultivated manners and useful knowledge to marry at twenty-five as some girls would be at eighteen. But men generally of your age have a very limited knowledge of character, and no just idea of how foolish a man can make himself by fancying a young girl who is not fit for him in any sense. It will be far better not to marry at all than to be unfortunately married, but seek counsel of God in all these things. Be so calm, so submissive to the will of God, that you will not be in a fever of excitement and unqualified for His service by your attachments.—Letter 59, 1880.?{TSB 23.1}[12]
§27
需要情投意合——我听说你想娶一位名叫安娜?黑尔的姊妹。这促使我把我所看到的告诉你。你不具备优雅的品质，能使一位敏感细腻的女子幸福。你们这样性情的人结合在一起不符合上帝的旨意。你的兽性成分很高。你有强烈的情欲，并没有得到应有的控制。你高尚的智力一直屈服于低级的情欲。你没能因你所信奉的真理成圣，没能与上帝的性情有分，逃避世上从情欲而来的败坏。{TSB 23.2}[13]
§28
Need of Similar Temperaments—I learned that you thought of marrying a sister named Anna Hale. This aroused me to hasten out the things which I had seen. Your organization is not of that refined order that you can make a woman of her fine, sensitive nature happy. It is not at all in God’s order that such temperaments as hers and yours should unite. You possess a large proportion of the animal. You have strong animal passions which have not been controlled as they should have been. The more noble, elevated powers of the mind have been servant to the lower, or baser, passions. You have failed to be sanctified through the truth which you profess, have failed to be a partaker of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.?{TSB 23.2}[13]
§29
安娜?黑尔不是一个能忍受生活艰辛的人。她是嫩弱的花朵，若遭遇风雨、疏于照顾，很快就会枯萎凋谢。你在前一次婚姻中不理解女人的需求，不欣赏她脆弱的身体。你在对待你第一个妻子的事上已大大失败了。她的体格不适合吃苦耐劳；但她的期望过高。你们的急功近利使你们两个人都过度疲劳，被吞没在生活的挂虑之中，疏忽了当前的幸福和安慰，一心想在世上拥有更多的财富，然后再去考虑生活的安舒。{TSB 24.1}[14]
§30
Anna Hale is not a person who can endure the roughs of life. She is a frail flower and would soon droop and die if exposed to storm and neglect. You have not in your previous marriage understood the wants of a woman. You have not appreciated her delicate organism. You failed, greatly failed, with your first wife. She possessed a powerful constitution which can scarcely be equaled for power of endurance, but she presumed too much. Your anxiety to acquire led you both to overtax yourselves and be swallowed up in the cares of this life, and to neglect present happiness and comfort, looking ahead to a time when you should have more of this world’s goods, and then you could afford to look after the comforts of life.?{TSB 24.1}[14]
§31
你已经犯下了不幸的错误，牺牲了你妻子的性命。她本来应该活下去的。但你对女人的身体了解太少，以致疏忽照顾，没有作好应有的准备来安慰她。你的脾气很像你的父亲。{TSB 24.2}[15]
§32
You have made a sad mistake. The life of your wife was sacrificed. She might have lived. She ought to have lived. But you knew so little of woman’s organism that you failed to have care, and neglected the preparation you should have made for her comfort. To a very great degree you possess the temperament of your father.?{TSB 24.2}[15]
§33
你在选择妻子的时候，不要到那些感情脆弱细腻，崇尚知识的女子中去，而要到那些在身体上与你比较般配的人中去寻找妻子。你无法让一个情感细腻的人幸福。——《怀爱伦信函》1868年21号 {TSB 24.3}[16]
§34
When you seek a wife, go not among the delicate and refined, where the intellectual predominates. Select you a wife among that class more in accordance with your organization. You cannot make a person of refined spiritual temperament happy.—Letter 21, 1868.?{TSB 24.3}[16]
§35
在父母的家中忠诚——青年人要在父母家中忠于职责，这就能准备他们有自己成立家室的资格。他们务要在父母家中操练克己并显示仁爱，有礼和基督徒的同情。这样，就会在他们心中保持温暖而亲切的爱。从这样家庭出来的青年，到自己成家立业的时候，就知道如何增进他所选为终身配偶之人的幸福。于是婚姻就不会是恋爱的坟墓，乃是成为恋爱的开始了。——《先祖与先知》 176页{TSB 24.4}[17]
§36
Faithfulness in the Parental Home—It is by faithfulness to duty in the parental home that the young are to prepare themselves for homes of their own. Let them here practice self-denial and manifest kindness, courtesy, and Christian sympathy. Thus love will be kept warm in the heart, and he who goes out from such a household to stand at the head of a family of his own will know how to promote the happiness of her whom he has chosen as a companion for life.?Marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be only its beginning.—Patriarchs and Prophets, 176.?{TSB 24.4}[17]
§37
我奉主的名恳劝你，警告你，在你心灵和生命发生改变之前，不要匆匆成婚，承担起婚约的责任和义务。只有当你能够使你的家人快乐，成为你父母和兄弟姐妹的福气时，你才能理解婚姻关系所包含的责任。--《怀爱伦文稿》1871年2号{TSB 25.1}[18]
§38
I beg of you, yes, I warn you in the name of my Master, do not enter the marriage relation and take upon yourself the responsibilities and obligation of the marriage vows until you are changed in heart and life. When you can make your own home happy, be a blessing to your father and mother, your brothers and sister, then you can understand the duties involved in the marriage relation.—Manuscript 2, 1871.?{TSB 25.1}[18]