第48章 儿童的反应
§1
第48章 儿童的反应
§2
chap. 48 - The Childs Reaction
§3
对于刺激－－圣经吩咐儿童“在主里听从父母”（弗6:1），也吩咐父母“不可惹儿女的气”免得他们沮丧（西3:21）。(一) {CG 279.1}[1]
§4
To Provocation.--Children are exhorted to obey their parents in the Lord, but parents are also enjoined, Provoke not your children to wrath, lest they be discouraged. {CG 279.1}[1]
§5
我们待儿女，往往忿怒多于感化。我曾看见一个母亲从孩子手中，夺走他特别喜爱的东西，孩子不明事理，自然觉得受了委屈，结果母子之间发生了争吵，接着是一顿严厉的责罚，表面上结束了这场冲突，但在孩子幼小的心灵中，却留下了深刻的印象，是难以磨灭的。这母亲的作法是不智的。她没有考虑因果关系。她那粗暴不公正的举动，在孩子心中惹起了最坏的脾气，以后在类似的事件中，这脾气会愈演愈烈。 (二) {CG 279.2}[2]
§6
Often we do more to provoke than to win. I have seen a mother snatch from the hand of her child something that was giving it special pleasure. The child did not know the reason for this, and naturally felt abused. Then followed a quarrel between parent and child, and a sharp chastisement ended the scene as far as outward appearance was concerned; but that battle left an impression on the tender mind that would not be easily effaced. This mother acted unwisely. She did not reason from cause to effect. Her harsh, injudicious action stirred the worst passions in the heart of her child, and on every similar occasion these passions would be aroused and strengthened. {CG 279.2}[2]
§7
对于挑剔－－你没有权力对微不足道的错误吹毛求疵或严厉苛责，让乌云遮住儿女的快乐。真实错误的性质是要指出来的，并采取果断的行动避免再犯，但不要把孩子们留在失望的心情之中，而要鼓励他们改正，以赢得你的信任和嘉纳。孩子们可能希望行善。他们可能心里愿意顺服；但他们需要帮助和鼓励。（三）{CG 279.3}[3]
§8
To Faultfinding.--You have no right to bring a gloomy cloud over the happiness of your children by faultfinding or severe censure for trifling mistakes. Actual wrong should be made to appear just as sinful as it is, and a firm, decided course should be pursued to prevent its recurrence; yet children should not be left in a hopeless state of mind, but with a degree of courage that they can improve and gain your confidence and approval. Children may wish to do right, they may purpose in their hearts to be obedient; but they need help and encouragement. {CG 279.3}[3]
§9
对于太严厉的管教－－一个家庭如果没有真正说明家规的意义，儿童也不知道什么是纪律和管理，上帝就蒙受很大的羞辱！过于严厉的管教，太多的批评，不必要的繁文苛例，会导致儿童蔑视权威，至终不顾基督所要实施的规则。（四）{CG 279.4}[4]
§10
To Too Harsh Discipline.--Oh, how God is dishonored in a family where there is no true understanding as to what constitutes family discipline, and children are confused as to what is discipline and government. It is true that too harsh discipline, too much criticism, unrequired laws and regulations, lead to disrespect of authority and to the disregarding finally of those regulations that Christ would have fulfilled. {CG 279.4}[4]
§11
父母若显示粗暴、严厉、专横的精神，就会惹起儿女倔强抵触的精神。父母就这样未能在儿女身上发挥所应有软化的影响。{CG 280.1}[5]
§12
When parents show a rough, severe, masterly spirit, a spirit of obstinacy and stubbornness is aroused in the children. Thus the parents fail to exert over their children the softening influence that they might. {CG 280.1}[5]
§13
父母们：难道你们不知道严厉的话语会惹起抵触吗？若有人对你们不礼貌，就像你们对待儿女那样，你们将会怎样呢？你们有责任研究因果的关系。当你们责骂儿女，用忿怒的手击打幼小而无力自卫的孩子时，你们有没有扪心自问，这样的待遇若加在你们自己身上，结果会怎么样呢？你们有没有想到自己对于横加指责的话语是多么敏感呢？当你们以为别人不赏识你们的才能时，你们会多么容易感到受了伤害！你们只是长大了的孩子。所以你们应想到，当你们对儿女说苛刻冷酷的话，严厉地处罚他们的过错时，他们的心情如何。在上帝眼中，他们的过错根本没有你们对待儿女的过错那么严重！{CG 280.2}[6]
§14
Parents, can you not see that harsh words provoke resistance? What would you do if treated as inconsiderately as you treat your little ones? It is your duty to study from cause to effect. When you scolded your children, when with angry blows you struck those who were too small to defend themselves, did you ask yourself what effect such treatment would have upon you? Have you thought how sensitive you are in regard to words of censure or blame? how quickly you feel hurt if you think that someone fails to recognize your capabilities? You are but grown-up children. Then think how your children must feel when you speak harsh, cutting words to them, severely punishing them for faults that are not half so grievous in the sight of God as is your treatment of them. {CG 280.2}[6]
§15
许多自称为基督徒的父母并没有悔改。基督也没有因信住在他们的心中！他们的苛刻和轻率，他们未被制服的脾气，令儿女反感，以致厌恶他们的一切宗教教训。（六）{CG 280.3}[7]
§16
Many parents professing to be Christians are not converted. Christ does not abide in their hearts by faith! Their harshness, their imprudence, their unsubdued tempers, disgust their children and make them averse to all their religious instruction. {CG 280.3}[7]
§17
对持续的责难－－我们在努力纠正罪恶的时候，要谨防吹毛求疵或指责别人的倾向。持续的责难会使人惶惑，起不了改革的作用。对于许多人来说，尤其是那些最敏感的人，冷漠批评的气氛是极其有害的。花朵在暴风的摧残之下是不会开放的。{CG 280.4}[8]
§18
To Continual Censure.--In our efforts to correct evil, we should guard against a tendency to faultfinding or censure. Continual censure bewilders, but does not reform. With many minds, and often those of the finest susceptibility, an atmosphere of unsympathetic criticism is fatal to effort. Flowers do not unfold under the breath of a blighting wind. {CG 280.4}[8]
§19
一个儿童常常为某项特殊的过错而受到责备，就会把这项过错看作自己的癖性，认为是无法纠正的。这样，他就会灰心失望，而这种灰心失望往往以冷漠和骄横作为掩饰的。（七）{CG 281.1}[9]
§20
A child frequently censured for some special fault comes to regard that fault as his peculiarity, something against which it is vain to strive. Thus are created discouragement and hopelessness, often concealed under an appearance of indifference or bravado. {CG 281.1}[9]
§21
对于命令与斥责－－有些父母因为缺乏自制，往往引起风波。他们没有和气地叫儿女们作这作那，只是粗声厉色地下命令，同时口中却吹毛求疵，乱加无理指责。父母们哪，你们这种作风，是会破坏儿女的快活及志气的。他们行你们所吩咐的，不是出于爱心，乃是因为不敢不行。他们的心没有放在事情上。他们作事勉强，毫无快乐，这种情形往往使他们忘了照你们全部的吩咐而行，结果又增加了你们的躁怒，对于儿女尤其不利。这样一再地吹毛求疵，把他们的错行新鲜陈列在他们面前，终至他们变成灰心丧志，对于凡事无所喜恶，养成了一种“不在乎”的精神。他们离开家庭，离开父母，到外面去寻欢作乐，因为在家中没有快乐，就去与街头游伴相混，不久就堕落成了极坏的儿童。（八）{CG 281.2}[10]
§22
To Ordering and Scolding.--Some parents raise many a storm by their lack of self-control. Instead of kindly asking the children to do this or that, they order them in a scolding tone, and at the same time a censure or reproof is on their lips which the children have not merited. Parents, this course pursued toward your children destroys their cheerfulness and ambition. They do your bidding, not from love, but because they dare not do otherwise. Their heart is not in the matter. It is a drudgery instead of a pleasure, and this often leads them to forget to follow out all your directions, which increases your irritation and makes it still worse for the children. The faultfinding is repeated, their bad conduct arrayed before them in glowing colors, until discouragement comes over them, and they are not particular whether they please or not. A spirit of I dont care seizes them, and they seek that pleasure and enjoyment away from home, away from their parents, which they do not find at home. They mingle with street company and are soon as corrupt as the worst. {CG 281.2}[10]
§23
对于独断专横－－父母的意志必须接受基督的管教。在上帝纯洁圣灵的陶冶和控制之下，他们无疑可以在儿女身上树立起权威来。但父母的管教若过于严厉苛刻，就会造成无可挽回的后果。他们的独断专行在儿女的心中激起了不满。（九）{CG 281.2}[11]
§24
To an Arbitrary Course of Action.--The will of the parents must be under the discipline of Christ. Molded and controlled by Gods pure Holy Spirit, they may establish unquestioned dominion over the children. But if the parents are severe and exacting in their discipline, they do a work which they themselves can never undo. By their arbitrary course of action, they stir up a sense of injustice. {CG 281.3}[11]
§25
对于不公平－－孩子们对最小的不公正都很敏感，有时会因而灰心丧志，再不听那大声生气的吩咐，也不理那刑罚的威胁了。儿童们心中的反抗精神，往往是由于父母的管教不良而起；但父母当初若采取一种正当的方法，儿童们原可养成良好而和谐的品格。一个不会完全自制的母亲是不配管理儿童的。（十）{CG 282.1}[12]
§26
To Injustice.--Children are sensitive to the least injustice, and some become discouraged under it and will neither heed the loud, angry voice of command, nor care for threatenings of punishment. Rebellion is too frequently established in the hearts of children through the wrong discipline of the parents, when if a proper course had been taken, the children would have formed good and harmonious characters. A mother who does not have perfect control of herself is unfit to have the management of children. {CG 282.1}[12]
§27
对于猛拉或击打——当母亲猛拉或击打孩子时，你想他能看到基督化品格的优美吗？肯定不会！这只能在儿童心中引起反感，结果根本无法纠正他。（十一）{CG 282.2}[13]
§28
To a Jerk or Blow.--When the mother gives her child a jerk or blow, do you think it enables him to see the beauty of the Christian character? No indeed; it only tends to raise evil feelings in the heart, and the child is not corrected at all. {CG 282.2}[13]
§29
对于严厉无情的话语－－基督乐意教导父母成为真正的教育者。凡在祂门下学习的人……绝不会说严厉无情的话；因为这种话会刺激耳朵，摧毁精神，伤害心灵，使听见的儿童无法抑制自己的脾气。儿童对父母说出不恭敬的话，原因往往就在这里。（十二）{CG 282.3}[14]
§30
To Harsh, Unsympathetic Words.--Christ is ready to teach the father and the mother to be true educators. Those who learn in His school . . . will never speak in a harsh, unsympathetic tone; for words spoken in this manner grate upon the ear, wear upon the nerves, cause mental suffering, and create a state of mind that makes it impossible to curb the temper of the child to whom such words are spoken. This is often the reason why children speak disrespectfully to parents. {CG 282.3}[14]
§31
对于嘲笑和奚落－－他们（父母）无权烦躁、责骂和嘲笑。他们决不应该嘲弄自己儿女乖僻的品格特性，那正是他们自己遗传给儿女的。这种训练模式决不会消除罪恶。父母们哪，要用上帝之道的训诲警诫和责备你们任性的孩子。要把你们的要求说明是“耶和华如此说”。来自上帝之道的责备远比父母口中发出的刺耳的恼怒之音有效。（十三）{CG 282.4}[15]
§32
To Ridicule and Taunting.--They [parents] are not authorized to fret and scold and ridicule. They should never taunt their children with perverse traits of character, which they themselves have transmitted to them. This mode of discipline will never cure the evil. Parents, bring the precepts of Gods Word to admonish and reprove your wayward children. Show them a Thus saith the Lord for your requirements. A reproof which comes as the word of God is far more effective than one falling in harsh, angry tones from the lips of parents. {CG 282.4}[15]
§33
对不忍耐的反应－－父母的不忍耐，是会激起儿女的不忍耐。父母所表现的情绪，也会在儿女身上生出这种情绪，并会激发他们本性中的劣质。……他们每次的不能自制，言行暴躁，都是得罪上帝。（十四）{CG 283.1}[16]
§34
To Impatience.--Impatience in the parents excites impatience in the children. Passion manifested by the parents creates passion in the children and stirs up the evils of their nature. . . . Every time they lose self-control and speak and act impatiently, they sin against God. {CG 283.1}[16]
§35
对于时而责骂时而哄诱－－我经常看见那些不能遂己心意的儿童，在地板上乱滚乱跳，尖声叫喊。不智的母亲却时而哄诱，时而责骂，企图使儿童恢复正常。这样做只能鼓励儿童发脾气。再次遇到这种情况，儿童便更任性地故态复萌，相信自己会像以前那样获胜。这样舍不得责打，就把儿女宠坏了。{CG 283.2}[17]
§36
To Alternate Scolding and Coaxing.--I have frequently seen children who were denied something that they wanted throw themselves upon the floor in a pet, kicking and screaming, while the injudicious mother alternately coaxed and scolded in the hope of restoring her child to good nature. This treatment only fosters the childs passion. The next time it goes over the same ground with increased willfulness, confident of gaining the day as before. Thus the rod is spared and the child is spoiled. {CG 283.2}[17]
§37
母亲不可让儿女占一次上风。但是要维护这种权威，也不必采用严厉的手段。稳定不移的态度和温柔的态度会使儿童认识到你的爱心。这样你就可以达到目的。（十五）{CG 283.3}[18]
§38
The mother should not allow her child to gain an advantage over her in a single instance. And, in order to maintain this authority, it is not necessary to resort to harsh measures; a firm, steady hand and a kindness which convinces the child of your love will accomplish the purpose. {CG 283.3}[18]
§39
对于缺乏坚决和果断－－缺乏坚决和果断为害甚大。我曾听到父母们说：你不可以得到这样或那样东西，然后又软下心来，惟恐自己过于严厉，就把原来不给的东西给了孩子。这样做会造成终身的危害。心理学上不可忽视的一条重要规则是，人想要的东西若被坚决而不可逆转地拒绝了，不久他的心中就会淡忘，而转向其他的事物。但是想要的东西只要有一点希望得到，人就会努力去获得它。……{CG 283.4}[19]
§40
To Lack of Firmness and Decision.--Great harm is done by a lack of firmness and decision. I have known parents to say, You cannot have this or that, and then relent, thinking they may be too strict, and give the child the very thing they at first refused. A lifelong injury is thus inflicted. It is an important law of the mind--one which should not be overlooked--that when a desired object is so firmly denied as to remove all hope, the mind will soon cease to long for it, and will be occupied in other pursuits. But as long as there is any hope of gaining the desired object, an effort will be made to obtain it. . . . {CG 283.4}[19]
§41
父母在需要发出直接命令的时候，违命的处罚应该如大自然的定律一样不可改变。服从这种坚决果断管理的儿童，必明白某一样东西既然不可以拥有，他们无论怎样花言巧语或想方设法也是得不到的。这样他们很快就学会了顺从，因而就更加快乐了。父母若缺少果断而过度溺爱，儿女往往就会希望用好话、哭泣或生气来达到目的，或者希望违命而不受处罚。他们就这样处在一种欲望无度，情绪不定的状态中，变得不安、易怒和顽梗。上帝认为这样的父母犯了破坏儿女幸福的罪。这种错误的管理，导致千万人不肯悔改，漠视宗教，也造成了许多有名无实之基督徒的灭亡。（十六）{CG 284.1}[20]
§42
When it is necessary for parents to give a direct command, the penalty of disobedience should be as unvarying as are the laws of nature. Children who are under this firm, decisive rule know that when a thing is forbidden or denied, no teasing or artifice will secure their object. Hence they soon learn to submit and are much happier in so doing. The children of undecided and overindulgent parents have a constant hope that coaxing, crying, or sullenness may gain their object, or that they may venture to disobey without suffering the penalty. Thus they are kept in a state of desire, hope, and uncertainty, which makes them restless, irritable, and insubordinate. God holds such parents guilty of wrecking the happiness of their children. This wicked mismanagement is the key to the impenitence and irreligion of thousands. It has proved the ruin of many who have professed the Christian name. {CG 284.1}[20]
§43
对于不必要的约束－－当父母年长而仍有年幼的儿女需要养育时，父亲可能以为儿女必须效法自己坚强地行走崎岖的道路。他很难体会到儿女需要父母使他们的人生更加幸福快乐。{CG 284.2}[21]
§44
To Unnecessary Restrictions.--When parents become old and have young children to bring up, the father is likely to feel that the children must follow in the sturdy, rugged path in which he himself is traveling. It is difficult for him to realize that his children are in need of having life made pleasant and happy for them by their parents. {CG 284.2}[21]
§45
许多父母不让儿女享受安全无罪的快乐。他们担心会助长儿女对不法事物的欲望，就不让他们得到儿童应该享有的快乐。他们因害怕不良的后果，不允许儿女参加某种单纯的娱乐。其实这种娱乐会帮助他们避免所要避免的罪恶。结果儿女觉得没有获得优待的希望，就不向父母去要求，而偷偷地去寻求他们以为会被禁止的娱乐。父母与儿女之间的信任就破坏了。（十七）{CG 285.1}[22]
§46
Many parents deny the children an indulgence in that which is safe and innocent, and are so afraid of encouraging them in cultivating desires for unlawful things that they will not even allow their children to have the enjoyment that children should have. Through fear of evil results, they refuse permission to indulge in some simple pleasure that would have saved the very evil they seek to avoid; and thus the children think there is no use in expecting any favors, and therefore will not ask for them. They steal away to the pleasures they think will be forbidden. Confidence between parents and children is thus destroyed. {CG 285.1}[22]
§47
对于被剥夺了合理的特权－－父母自己若没有快乐的童年，难道就可以因这方面的重大损失而使儿女的人生也蒙上阴影吗？父亲也许以为这是唯一安全的道路。但他必须记住，各人的思想并不完全一样。越是予以压制，想得到不给的东西的欲望就越难控制；结果就是违抗父母的权威。父亲会因他所认为儿子的任性而担忧，因儿子的背逆而痛心。然而他难道不应想到儿子背逆的主要原因，是他不愿让孩子去享受无罪的娱乐吗？父母认为不给儿子这个特权，自有充分的理由。但父母们也必须记住，儿女是有理性的人。对待儿女要像他们希望别人对待他们自己那样。（十八）{CG 285.2}[23]
§48
To the Denial of Reasonable Privileges.--If fathers and mothers have not themselves had a happy childhood, why should they shadow the lives of their children because of their own great loss in this respect? The father may think that this is the only course that will be safe to pursue; but let him remember that all minds are not constituted alike, and the greater the efforts made to restrict, the more uncontrollable will be the desire to obtain that which is denied, and the result will be disobedience to parental authority. The father will be grieved by what he considers the wayward course of his son, and his heart will feel sore over his rebellion. But would it not be well for him to consider the fact that the first cause of his sons disobedience was his own unwillingness to indulge him in that in which there was no sin? The parent thinks that sufficient reason is given for his sons abstaining from his indulgence since he has denied it to him. But parents should remember that their children are intelligent beings, and they should deal with them as they themselves would like to be dealt with. {CG 285.2}[23]
§49
对于苛刻的待遇－－父母们表现出支配和权威的精神，是他们自己的父母遗传下来的。这导致他们在教育和训练时严厉苛刻，不给儿女以正确的教诲。他们由于严厉地对待儿女的错误，激发起人心最怀的情绪，使儿女觉得受了冤屈。他们在儿女身上所遇到的性情，是自己所赋予的。{CG 286.1}[24]
§50
To Severity.--Parents who exercise a spirit of dominion [domination] and authority, transmitted to them from their own parents, which leads them to be exacting in their discipline and instruction, will not train their children aright. By their severity in dealing with their errors, they stir up the worst passions of the human heart and leave their children with a sense of injustice and wrong. They meet in their children the very disposition that they themselves have imparted to them. {CG 286.1}[24]
§51
这些父母向儿女讲述宗教的题目，反而把儿女驱离上帝，因为他们误表了真理，使基督的宗教显得没有吸引力，甚至令人讨厌。孩子们会说：“这也算宗教的话，我才不想要呢。”对于宗教的敌意往往就是这样产生的。父母的专横独断使儿女藐视天上的律法和政权。父母的错误管理决定了儿女永恒的命运。（十九）{CG 286.2}[25]
§52
Such parents drive their children away from God, by talking to them on religious subjects; for the Christian religion is made unattractive and even repulsive by this misrepresentation of truth. Children will say, Well, if that is religion, I do not want anything of it. It is thus that enmity is often created in the heart against religion; and because of an arbitrary enforcement of authority, children are led to despise the law and the government of heaven. Parents have fixed the eternal destiny of their children by their own misrule. {CG 286.2}[25]
§53
对于安详仁慈的态度－－父母如果希望儿女快乐，就决不要用责骂的口气对他们说话。母亲自己往往紧张易怒。她常常抓着孩子声色俱厉地说话。如果她能以镇静慈祥的态度对待儿童，就大大有益于他们愉快性情的保持。（二十）{CG 286.3}[26]
§54
To Quiet, Kind Manner.--If parents desire their children to be pleasant, they should never speak to them in a scolding manner. The mother often allows herself to become irritable and nervous. Often she snatches at the child and speaks in a harsh manner. If a child is treated in a quiet, kind manner, it will do much to preserve in him a pleasant temper. {CG 286.3}[26]
§55
对于爱心的恳劝－－父亲是家庭的祭司，应当温慈忍耐地对待儿女。他要谨慎，不要激起他们好斗的精神。他不可容忍罪过而不加以纠正，但是纠正错误而不激起人心最恶劣的情绪是有方法的。但愿他凭着爱心对儿女说话，告诉他们救主如何因他们的行为而担忧，然后与他们一同跪在施恩宝座前，将他们献给基督，祈求祂怜悯他们，引导他们悔改，并祈求祂的饶恕。这样的管教几乎总是会使最刚愎的心软化。{CG 286.4}[27]
§56
To Loving Entreaty.--The father, as priest of the household, should deal gently and patiently with his children. He should be careful not to arouse in them a combative disposition. He must not allow transgression to go uncorrected, and yet there is a way to correct without stirring up the worst passions in the human heart. Let him in love talk with his children, telling them how grieved the Saviour is over their course; and then let him kneel with them before the mercy seat and present them to Christ, praying that He will have compassion on them and lead them to repent and ask forgiveness. Such disciplining will nearly always break the most stubborn heart. {CG 286.4}[27]
§57
上帝希望我们用淳朴的方法对待儿女。我们容易忘记儿童并不像成人那样拥有长期训练的优势。孩子的行动若不能处处符合我们的观念，我们有时会认为他们该受责骂。然而这样做却无济于事。应当领他们到救主面前，向祂倾诉衷情，然后相信祂的祝福必降在他们身上。（二十一）{CG 287.1}[28]
§58
God desires us to deal with our children in simplicity. We are liable to forget that children have not had the advantage of the long years of training that older people have had. If the little ones do not act in accordance with our ideas in every respect, we sometimes think that they deserve a scolding. But this will not mend matters. Take them to the Saviour, and tell Him all about it; then believe that His blessing will rest upon them. {CG 287.1}[28]