第37章 失职的丈夫
§1
第37章 失职的丈夫
§2
Chap. 37 - The Kind of Husband Not To Be
§3
指望妻子肩负双重责任——在多数家庭中都有年龄不等的孩子们，有的不仅需要母亲的关注和明智的训导，也需要父亲更严谨而又慈爱的感化力。只有少数的父亲认为此事重要而加以考虑。他们大多忽略了应尽之分，而将难堪的重担加于母亲，同时竟以为可任意照一己之见评断非难她的行为。可怜为妻为母的人在这样肩负双重责任，又得忍受责难的情形之下，往往会因自己并非出于恶意，或者由于无知而作的事，生出有罪和痛悔之感；其实就当时的环境而论，她所作的也许是最好的呢！然而当她所作烦累的努力本应受感佩，蒙称许，使她心中欢乐之时，却被迫踯躅于忧愁与非难的黑云之下，这都是由于她的丈夫非但对他自己的本分置之不理，而且不问环境的拦阻如何，竟指望她完满地达成那原应由夫妇二人各自承当的义务。[1]
§4
The Husband Who Expects Wife to Carry Double Burdens.--In most families there are children of various ages, some of whom need not only the attention and wise discipline of the mother but also the sterner, yet affectionate, influence of the father. Few fathers consider this matter in its due importance. They fall into neglect of their own duty and thus heap grievous burdens upon the mother, at the same time feeling at liberty to criticize and condemn her actions according to their judgment. Under this heavy sense of responsibility and censure, the poor wife and mother often feels guilty and remorseful for that which she has done innocently or ignorantly, and frequently when she has done the very best thing possible under the circumstances. Yet when her wearisome efforts should be appreciated and approved and her heart made glad, she is obliged to walk under a cloud of sorrow and condemnation because her husband, while ignoring his own duty, expects her to fulfill both her own and his to his satisfaction, regardless of preventing circumstances. {AH 224.1}[1]
§5
许多作丈夫的，对于妻子整日为家务所绊而忍受了许多的挂虑和困窘，都不够了解，不够体谅。他们回家之时，往往面露愠色，不给家人带来一丝阳光。若饭菜不能及时备妥，那往往一身兼作主妇、护士、厨娘，与女佣的疲倦的妻子，还要遭受斥责的迎候。那苛刻的丈夫，也许会勉强从筋疲力尽的母亲手上，把令人烦扰的孩子接过来，使母亲能迅速为大家预备饭食；可是孩子若不肯安静，在父亲怀里躁急吵闹，他毫不觉得自己有义务要抚慰孩子，使之安静下来。他也不想一想母亲已忍受了孩子多少时间的烦扰，竟不耐烦地喊道：“喂，妈，把‘你的’孩子抱走吧！”这难道是她的孩子而不是他的么？他难道没有这种天职，应当耐心地尽他的本分来教养自己的孩子么？[2]
§6
Many husbands do not sufficiently understand and appreciate the cares and perplexities which their wives endure, generally confined all day to an unceasing round of household duties. They frequently come to their homes with clouded brows, bringing no sunshine to the family circle. If the meals are not on time, the tired wife, who is frequently housekeeper, nurse, cook, and housemaid, all in one, is greeted with faultfinding. The exacting husband may condescend to take the worrying child from the weary arms of its mother that her arrangements for the family meal may be hastened; but if the child is restless and frets in the arms of its father, he will seldom feel it his duty to act the nurse and seek to quiet and soothe it. He does not pause to consider how many hours the mother has endured the little ones fretfulness, but calls out impatiently, Here, Mother, take your child. Is it not his child as well as hers? Is he not under a natural obligation to patiently bear his part of the burden of rearing his children? {AH 224.2}[2]
§7
劝告一位专横独断的丈夫——假若你不因自己是丈夫是父亲而存大权独揽之意，那么你的生活就必更为愉快了。你的行为证明你已误解了自己的地位——家庭的维护者。你神经质地独断独行，常常暴露你极度缺乏见识，所以不论你当时如何重视自己的作为，在你妻子儿女看来却未必是合理的。你一旦决定了自己的立场，就很不容易改变过来。你决心施行你的计划，然而很多时候你所采取的方针并不正确，你应该认清这一点。你所亟需的乃是爱，更多的爱与宽容，在言行上要少固执己见。就你目前采取的方针而言，你并不像一位家庭的维护者，却像一柄老虎钳，要压制，困迫别人。[3]
§8
A Dictatorial and Dominating Husband; Words of Counsel.--Your life would be much happier if you did not feel that absolute authority is vested in you because you are a husband and father. Your practice shows that you misinterpret your position--house-band. You are nervous and dictatorial and often manifest great lack of judgment, so that however you may regard your course at such times, it cannot be made to appear consistent to your wife and children. When once you have taken a position, you are seldom willing to withdraw from it. You are determined to carry out your plans, when many times you are not pursuing the right course and should see it. What you need is more, far more, of love, of forbearance, and less of a determination to have your way both in word and in deed. In the course you are now pursuing, instead of being a house-band, you will be as a vise to compress and distress others. . . . {AH 225.1}[3]
§9
在你试图强迫他人以实现你的全部主张时，所有的害处往往比你若在某几点上退让的话更严重。诚然，你的主张大体无误，可是对于许多事情未必恰当；由于你个人的特性所产生的结果，你的主张不免操之过急；因而你便以强横无理的态度执行错误的计划。[4]
§10
In trying to force others to carry out your ideas in every particular, you often do greater harm than if you were to yield these points. This is true even when your ideas are right in themselves, but in many things they are not correct; they are overstrained as the result of the peculiarities of your organization; therefore you drive the wrong thing in a strong, unreasonable manner. {AH 225.2}[4]
§11
你对于治家之道也有怪僻的见解。你惯于施用专横独断的权力，不容你左右的人有自己的主张。你认为自己足以作一家之首，并且觉得自己应可支配家中的每一分子，犹如工匠的手控制一部机器一样。你发号施令，独揽大权。这事使上天不悦，也使满怀慈悲的天使担扰。你在家中行事为人，似乎只有你自己才有自治的能力。你的妻子若胆敢反对你的主张，或对于你的决定发出异议时，那就一定会触惹你的怒气。[5]
§12
You have peculiar views in regard to managing your family. You exercise an independent, arbitrary power which permits no liberty of will around you. You think yourself sufficient to be head in your family and feel that your head is sufficient to move every member, as a machine is moved in the hands of the workmen. You dictate and assume authority. This displeases Heaven and grieves the pitying angels. You have conducted yourself in your family as though you alone were capable of self-government. It has offended you that your wife should venture to oppose your opinion or question your decisions. {AH 226.1}[5]
§13
急躁而吹毛求疵的丈夫——作丈夫的人哪，要给你们的妻子以灵性生活的机会。很多人由于惯纵他们急躁的本性，以至变成了大孩子一般。他们不将自己儿时的这部分经验丢开。他们怀藏着这种情绪，以至整个人生都因他们苛求怨尤所妨害而发育不全了。这样，不仅影响自己的一生，连别人也同样受到了妨害。他们带着以实玛利的意气，他们的手攻击众人，而众人的手也都攻击他。[6]
§14
Fretful and Querulous Husbands.--Husbands, give your wives a chance for their spiritual life. . . . By many the disposition to fret is encouraged until they become like grown-up children. They do not leave this portion of their child life behind them. They cherish these feelings until they cramp and dwarf the whole life by their querulous complaints. And not only their own lives but the lives of others also. They carry with them the spirit of Ishmael, whose hand was against everybody, and everybodys hand against him. {AH 226.2}[6]
§15
自私易怒的丈夫——乙弟兄的性格并不是一个愿意将阳光带进他家里来的人。他得在这方面好好地下一番功夫。他很像一片阴云，却不像一线亮光。他太自私，甚至吝于对自己的家人讲一句嘉许的话，特别对那位比别人更应得到他的爱和他亲切的敬重的人。他常常显出愠怒、蛮横和专制的态度；他的言语苛厉，而且他也不肯尽力柔化其心灵，觉悟其过失，并承认其过错，以设法医治那遗留下来的创伤。[7]
§16
The Selfish and Morose Husband.--Brother B is not of a temperament to bring sunshine into his family. Here is a good place for him to begin to work. He is more like a cloud than a beam of light. He is too selfish to speak words of approval to the members of his family, especially to the one of all others who should have his love and tender respect. He is morose, overbearing, dictatorial; his words are frequently cutting, and leave a wound that he does not try to heal by softening spirit, acknowledging his faults, and confessing his wrongdoings. . . . {AH 226.3}[7]
§17
乙弟兄务须力求柔和；他必须培养高雅和礼貌。他应该以亲切温和的心对待妻子，因为她在各方面原是与他平等的；他不可讲出一句在她心灵上投下一道阴影的话语。这种改革的工夫，他应该在家中作起；他应当培养爱情，以制胜品性上的粗暴、苛刻、冷酷、吝啬等缺点。[8]
§18
Brother B should soften; he should cultivate refinement and courtesy. He should be very tender and gentle toward his wife, who is his equal in every respect; he should not utter a word that would cast a shadow upon her heart. He should begin the work of reformation at home; he should cultivate affection and overcome the coarse, harsh, unfeeling, and ungenerous traits of his disposition. {AH 227.1}[8]
§19
为夫为父的人若是易怒、自私、威厉凌人的话，非仅自己不乐，他那阴郁的气氛也必笼罩在全家人的身上。他所要收的后果，便是眼见妻子羸弱多病，儿女也都被他那不可爱的卑劣气质所污染。[9]
§20
The husband and father who is morose, selfish, and overbearing is not only unhappy himself, but he casts gloom upon all the inmates of his home. He will reap the result in seeing his wife dispirited and sickly and his children marred with his own unlovely temper. {AH 227.2}[9]
§21
一个自大而无耐心的丈夫——你对于妻子儿女所要求的太多了。你的责难也太多了。你若能自己培养一种愉快，喜乐的气质，对他们说话亲切而温和，你就会将阳光带入家中，取代阴云、忧愁，和苦闷了。你太重视自己的主见；你也常常采取极端的立场，不愿使你妻子的意见在家中占应有的分量。你自己既不培养对你妻子的敬意，也不教育儿女尊重她的见解。你没有使她与你平等，却双手揽持治理与控制的大权不放。你没有亲切同情的心意。你若要作一个得胜的人，你若希望上帝赐福与你和你的家庭，就须培养品格上的这些特质。[10]
§22
An Egotistical and Intolerant Husband.--You expect too much of your wife and children. You censure too much. If you would encourage a cheerful, happy temper yourself and speak kindly and tenderly to them, you would bring sunlight into your dwelling instead of clouds, sorrow, and unhappiness. You think too much of your opinion; you have taken extreme positions, and have not been willing that your wifes judgment should have the weight it should in your family. You have not encouraged respect for your wife yourself nor educated your children to respect her judgment. You have not made her your equal, but have rather taken the reins of government and control into your own hands and held them with a firm grasp. You have not an affectionate, sympathetic disposition. These traits of character you need to cultivate if you want to be an overcomer and if you want the blessing of God in your family. {AH 227.3}[10]
§23
写给一个不顾基督化礼貌的人——你曾视慈和、温良，与同情为软弱，而认为向妻子说温柔、和顺，及恩爱的话语，便有损你的尊严。殊不知你在此完全误解了所谓真正的丈夫气与尊严感的意义。蓄意不采取和蔼的行为，才显然是一种软弱，是品格上的一种缺点。你所视为软弱之举，正是上帝认为每个基督徒所必具的基督化真礼貌；因为这原是基督所表现的精神。[11]
§24
To One Who Disregards Christian Courtesy.--You have looked upon it as a weakness to be kind, tender, and sympathetic and have thought it beneath your dignity to speak tenderly, gently, and lovingly to your wife. Here you mistake in what true manliness and dignity consist. The disposition to leave deeds of kindness undone is a manifest weakness and defect in your character. That which you would look upon as weakness God regards as true Christian courtesy that should be exercised by every Christian; for this was the spirit which Christ manifested. {AH 228.1}[11]
§25
作丈夫的当争取爱与恩情——假若丈夫一味的专横、苛求、批评妻子的行为，他便不能保持他妻子的敬重与爱情，而婚姻关系对于她便是可憎的了。她必不爱她的丈夫，因为他并不企图使自己成为可爱的人。作丈夫的应当谨慎、小心、恒毅、忠信，而富于怜恤之心。他们应当表现爱与同情。当丈夫具备了每个真基督徒所必有的品格上的高贵，心意上的纯洁，和思想上的超卓时，这一切都会从婚姻关系中表现出来。他必力求保持自己妻子的健康与勇气。他也必努力讲说安慰的话，在家庭范围内造成和睦的气氛。[12]
§26
Husbands Should Merit Love and Affection.--If the husband is tyrannical, exacting, critical of the actions of his wife, he cannot hold her respect and affection, and the marriage relation will become odious to her. She will not love her husband, because he does not try to make himself lovable. Husbands should be careful, attentive, constant, faithful, and compassionate. They should manifest love and sympathy. . . . When the husband has the nobility of character, purity of heart, elevation of mind, that every true Christian must possess, it will be made manifest in the marriage relation. . . . He will seek to keep his wife in health and courage. He will strive to speak words of comfort, to create an atmosphere of peace in the home circle. {AH 228.2}[12]