第16章 幸福而成功的结合
§1
第16章 幸福而成功的结合
§2
Chap. 16 - A Happy, Successful Partnership
§3
真正的结合乃是毕生的经验——想对婚姻关系获得一种正确的体认，乃是一项终身的工作。凡是缔订婚约的人，都进入了一间此生永不毕业的学校。[1]
§4
The Real Union Is a Lifelong Experience.--To gain a proper understanding of the marriage relation is the work of a lifetime. Those who marry enter a school from which they are never in this life to be graduated. {AH 105.1}[1]
§5
不论如何谨慎而明智地缔订婚约，仍然只有极少数的夫妇在婚礼完成之时就已完满地结合为一。二人真正的结合，乃是婚后岁月中所应从事的工作。[2]
§6
However carefully and wisely marriage may have been entered into, few couples are completely united when the marriage ceremony is performed. The real union of the two in wedlock is the work of the afteryears. {AH 105.2}[2]
§7
当新婚夫妇在生活中遭遇忧愁挂虑的重担时，那往往由幻想所附加于婚姻上的浪漫气氛便随即消失了。丈夫和妻子发现了他们以前交往时所无从得知的对方的品性。这是他们经验中最危险的时期。他们未来的整个人生之福乐与成就，端在乎此时采取合适的行动。他们每每发觉对方有一些未曾料到的弱点与瑕疵，然而由爱结合在一起的两颗心，也必辨察出从前未曾发现的优良品质。但愿大家尽力发掘优点而包涵瑕疵。我们自己的态度，就是环绕我们的气氛，往往会决定别人向我们表现的是什么。[3]
§8
As life with its burden of perplexity and care meets the newly wedded pair, the romance with which imagination so often invests marriage disappears. Husband and wife learn each others character as it was impossible to learn it in their previous association. This is a most critical period in their experience. The happiness and usefulness of their whole future life depend upon their taking a right course now. Often they discern in each other unsuspected weaknesses and defects; but the hearts that love has united will discern excellencies also heretofore unknown. Let all seek to discover the excellencies rather than the defects. Often it is our own attitude, the atmosphere that surrounds ourselves, which determines what will be revealed to us in another. {AH 105.3}[3]
§9
考验与试炼——爱情尽可清明如水晶，富有纯净之美，但是因为尚未经受考验与试炼的缘故，也许仍嫌肤浅。你当在凡事上以基督为始、为终、为至善。你若时常仰望他，则你爱他的心在受试验的时候，就必能日益加深加强。当你爱主之心增进时，你们彼此之间的爱情也就必更深更强了。[4]
§10
Love Must Be Tested and Tried.--Affection may be as clear as crystal and beauteous in its purity, yet it may be shallow because it has not been tested and tried. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. Constantly behold Him, and your love for Him will daily become deeper and stronger as it is submitted to the test of trial. And as your love for Him increases, your love for each other will grow deeper and stronger. {AH 105.4}[4]
§11
艰难、困惑和失望之事虽然可能发生，但愿夫妇二人谁也不要存着他们的结合乃是错误或失败的思想。彼此都当决心尽可能求取对方的福利。要继续维持婚前的关切。在人生的战斗中当互相勉励。当研究如何增进彼此的幸福。当彼此相爱，彼此容让。如此，则婚姻非但不是恋爱的终点，更是恋爱的开端。这种真挚友情的温馨，两心相系的爱情，便是天国福乐的预尝。[5]
§12
Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven. {AH 106.1}[5]
§13
人人都当借着实践忍耐而培养忍耐。由于和蔼与宽恕。心中真挚之爱的温暖必得以保持，而所发展的品德也必邀得上天的嘉纳。[6]
§14
All should cultivate patience by practicing patience. By being kind and forbearing, true love may be kept warm in the heart, and qualities will be developed that Heaven will approve. {AH 106.2}[6]
§15
仇敌必力图离间——撒但随时准备在任何歧见发生之际乘机占取便宜，他更借着指出丈夫或妻子品格上可厌憎的先天癖性，企图使一对曾在上帝面前借着严肃的盟约而结合的人彼此反目。他们在婚约中曾许愿要结为一体，作妻子的应许要敬爱并顺服她的丈夫，丈夫也应许要珍爱并体贴他的妻子。上帝的律法如果遵从了，那么争执的恶魔就必被拒斥于家门之外，而分歧隔阂之事就不致发生，彼此间的爱情也不致疏远了。[7]
§16
The Enemy Will Seek to Alienate.--Satan is ever ready to take advantage when any matter of variance arises, and by moving upon the objectionable, hereditary traits of character in husband or wife, he will try to cause the alienation of those who have united their interests in a solemn covenant before God. In the marriage vows they have promised to be as one, the wife covenanting to love and obey her husband, the husband promising to love and cherish his wife. If the law of God is obeyed, the demon of strife will be kept out of the family, and no separation of interests will take place, no alienation of affection will be permitted. {AH 106.3}[7]
§17
劝告一对意志刚硬的夫妇——无论是丈夫或妻子，都不应争取主宰之权。关于此事，主已订定了一个指导的原则。丈夫要爱护妻子，犹如基督爱护教会。妻子也当敬爱丈夫。双方都要培养和爱的精神，决意不使对方伤心或受损。[8]
§18
Counsel to a Strong-willed Couple.--Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership. The Lord has laid down the principle that is to guide in this matter. The husband is to cherish his wife as Christ cherishes the church. And the wife is to respect and love her husband. Both are to cultivate the spirit of kindness, being determined never to grieve or injure the other. . . . {AH 106.4}[8]
§19
切莫试图强迫对方顺从你的心意而行。你若如此作，就必不能保持彼此的爱情。自私自立的表现，会摧毁家庭的平安与幸福。不要让你们婚后的生活成为一个争执的生活。如果这样，你们二人就都没有快乐了。应当言谈柔和，行动优雅，并放弃自己的意愿。要谨慎自己的言语，因为言语对于为善为恶都具有莫大的影响力。语气之中不可带有尖刻的意味。应当将基督化的馨香之气带入你们结合在一起的生命中。[9]
§20
Do not try to compel each other to do as you wish. You cannot do this and retain each others love. Manifestations of self-will destroy the peace and happiness of the home. Let not your married life be one of contention. If you do, you will both be unhappy. Be kind in speech and gentle in action, giving up your own wishes. Watch well your words, for they have a powerful influence for good or for ill. Allow no sharpness to come into your voices. Bring into your united life the fragrance of Christlikeness. {AH 107.1}[9]
§21
在言行中表现爱——许多人以为爱的表现乃是一种弱点，因而他们经常保持着拒人于千里之外的缄默。这种作风阻遏了同情的交流。社交与慷慨的情绪既被抑制，便趋于萎缩，因此心地变得芜杂而冷酷。我们必须谨防这样的错误。爱若不表现出来就难以永存。不要让那与你密切联合之人的心，因缺乏慈和与同情的表现而陷于饥馑之中。[10]
§22
Express Love in Words and Deeds.--There are many who regard the expression of love as a weakness, and they maintain a reserve that repels others. This spirit checks the current of sympathy. As the social and generous impulses are repressed, they wither, and the heart becomes desolate and cold. We should beware of this error. Love cannot long exist without expression. Let not the heart of one connected with you starve for the want of kindness and sympathy. . . . {AH 107.2}[10]
§23
但愿人人给予爱情而不苛求。当培养你自己内在的高贵本质，而敏于辨察彼此善良的品性。得人赏识的自觉，能产生一种奇妙的鼓舞与满足。同情与敬重能激起追求善良的努力，而爱心在鼓励人迈向那更高尚的目的时，也必随而增长。[11]
§24
Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the good qualities in each other. The consciousness of being appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction. Sympathy and respect encourage the striving after excellence, and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims. {AH 107.3}[11]
§25
我们这个世界上所以有这么多铁石心肠的男女，原因就是将真挚的爱情视为懦弱的表现，而横加摧折和压制。这等人的善良本性在幼年时已遭损坏，以至不能发展，除非有神圣的亮光融化他们冷酷与无情的私心，他们的幸福就要永远埋没了。我们若想有耶稣在世时所表现的那种柔和的心肠，并有天使为负罪的世人所显示的那种神圣的同情，就必须培养赤子般单纯的同情。这样我们就必趋于文雅、高贵，而受天国的原则所导引了。[12]
§26
The reason there are so many hardhearted men and women in our world is that true affection has been regarded as weakness and has been discouraged and repressed. The better part of the nature of persons of this class was perverted and dwarfed in childhood; and unless rays of divine light can melt away their coldness and hardhearted selfishness, the happiness of such is buried forever. If we would have tender hearts, such as Jesus had when He was upon the earth, and sanctified sympathy, such as the angels have for sinful mortals, we must cultivate the sympathies of childhood, which are simplicity itself. Then we shall be refined, elevated, and directed by heavenly principles. {AH 107.4}[12]
§27
太多的忧虑和烦累被导入我们的家庭之中，却极少人珍视自然的单纯、安宁与幸福。应该少留意外界的批评，多用心体贴自己家庭范围内的人。应该少表现世俗礼仪中的娇饰与虚情，而在家人亲属之间多以温柔与和爱，愉快及基督化的礼貌相待。很多人都必需学习如何使家庭成为一个可爱而充满福乐的所在。感恩的心意与和蔼的表情，较之财富与奢华更有价值，而且只要有爱存于其间，对简单陈设的知足之心，就能使家庭充满快乐。[13]
§28
Too many cares and burdens are brought into our families, and too little of natural simplicity and peace and happiness is cherished. There should be less care for what the outside world will say and more thoughtful attention to the members of the family circle. There should be less display and affectation of worldly politeness, and much more tenderness and love, cheerfulness and Christian courtesy, among the members of the household. Many need to learn how to make home attractive, a place of enjoyment. Thankful hearts and kind looks are more valuable than wealth and luxury, and contentment with simple things will make home happy if love be there. {AH 108.1}[13]
§29
些微关注的价值——上帝以日常生活中的琐事来考验并试炼我们。内心的实情每自小事上表露出来。小小的关注，生活中无数的细节和常礼，综合而组成了人生的幸福；反之，疏于讲说慈和、鼓励而亲切的言语，忽视生活中细微的礼貌，便累积而构成了人生的祸患。至终必发现为了我们周围之人的利益和福乐而牺牲自我，乃占据天上生活记录中的一大部分。而专顾自己不管他人的利益与幸福，我们在天上的父并非不予注意，这一事实将来也必显明出来。[14]
§30
The Little Attentions Count.--God tests and proves us by the common occurrences of life. It is the little things which reveal the chapters of the heart. It is the little attentions, the numerous small incidents and simple courtesies of life, that make up the sum of lifes happiness; and it is the neglect of kindly, encouraging, affectionate words, and the little courtesies of life, which helps compose the sum of lifes wretchedness. It will be found at last that the denial of self for the good and happiness of those around us constitutes a large share of the life record in heaven. And the fact will also be revealed that the care of self, irrespective of the good and happiness of others, is not beneath the notice of our heavenly Father. {AH 108.2}[14]
§31
一个疏于示爱的丈夫——一个有爱存在其间，而这爱乃是从言语、容色和举止之中表现出来的家庭，便是天使乐于莅临，且借着发自荣耀中之光辉使情景圣化的地方。在那里，平常的家务都各具可爱之点。在这种环境中，人生的义务决不会使你的妻子厌烦。她必欣然从事这一切，而她对于四周的人就必如阳光一般，同时她的心中也会向主发出美音来。如今她却感觉还没有得到你的真心之爱。她的这种感觉是你惹起的。你固然已尽到了家长所当尽的本分，但仍有缺欠之处。就是严重地缺乏那导致亲切关怀之爱的珍贵感化力。爱情应见诸容色与态度，并在声调中表达出来。[15]
§32
A Husband Who Failed to Express Affection.--A house with love in it, where love is expressed in words and looks and deeds, is a place where angels love to manifest their presence and hallow the scene by rays of light from glory. There the humble household duties have a charm in them. None of lifes duties will be unpleasant to your wife under such circumstances. She will perform them with cheerfulness of spirit and will be like a sunbeam to all around her, and she will be making melody in her heart to the Lord. At present she feels that she has not your hearts affections. You have given her occasion to feel thus. You perform the necessary duties devolving upon you as head of the family, but there is a lack. There is a serious lack of loves precious influence which leads to kindly attentions. Love should be seen in the looks and manners and heard in the tones of the voice. {AH 109.1}[15]
§33
专以自我为中心而令人失望的妻子——凡结为夫妇的人，其道德品质之高尚或低劣，全视他们的结合而定。而一种卑劣、欺骗、自私、不受约束的性情所造成的败坏，乃是在婚姻典礼完成之后不久就开始的。一个青年男子倘若作的是聪明的选择，那位站在他身旁的，必是一位能克尽妇道，承担那属于她应负之人生重任的人，她必使他高贵文雅，在她的爱里饱享幸福。但作妻子的品性若变化无常、自我陶醉、苛求、非难，以那仅从她败坏的气质中所产生的动机和感觉来谴责她的丈夫。她若没有辨察力，不能善自鉴识并珍视他的爱，反因他未能满足她一切的幻想，而怨叹自己常被漠视，不得宠爱，她就必几乎不可避免地造成悲惨的局面，而终于使这一切的控诉成为事实。[16]
§34
A Disappointing, Self-centered Wife.--The moral character of those united in marriage is either elevated or degraded by their association; and the work of deterioration accomplished by a low, deceptive, selfish, uncontrollable nature is begun soon after the marriage ceremony. If the young man makes a wise choice, he may have one to stand by his side who will bear to the utmost of her ability her share of the burdens of life, who will ennoble and refine him, and make him happy in her love. But if the wife is fitful in character, self-admiring, exacting, accusing, charging her husband with motives and feelings that originate only in her own perverted temperament; if she has not discernment and nice discrimination to recognize his love and appreciate it, but talks of neglect and lack of love because he does not gratify every whim, she will almost inevitably bring about the very state of things she seems to deplore; she will make all these accusations realities. {AH 109.2}[16]
§35
一位可以为伴的贤妻良母之特质——为妻为母的人，不要仅陷于家务劳役中，最好抽出一些时间来读书，使她自己通情达理，作丈夫的良伴，并与正在发展中的儿女的心智保持联系。愿她聪明地利用现今的机会，感化她所爱的人向往更高尚的人生。愿她用工夫使可爱的救主作她每日的良伴和亲密的知友。愿她用时间研读他的圣言，用时间和孩子们到田野去，通过上帝作为的荣美而认识他。[17]
§36
Characteristics of a Companionable Wife and Mother.--Instead of sinking into a mere household drudge, let the wife and mother take time to read, to keep herself well informed, to be a companion to her husband, and to keep in touch with the developing minds of her children. Let her use wisely the opportunities now hers to influence her dear ones for the higher life. Let her take time to make the dear Saviour a daily Companion and familiar Friend. Let her take time for the study of His word, take time to go with the children into the fields and learn of God through the beauty of His works. {AH 110.1}[17]
§37
愿她保持愉快而活泼的心情。不要将所有的时间都消耗在那永无休止的缝纫工作上，却当以傍晚作为愉快的交谊良机，作为一天工作完毕全家团聚的时间。这样男人们多半就不致再到俱乐部或茶楼酒肆中去厮混，而宁愿耽在自己家里畅叙天伦之乐了。男孩子多半就必不再游荡街头或逗留在小食店里了。女孩子也多半不致沉迷于那些轻浮而诱人趋入歧途的交际中了。家庭的影响力，对于父母子女就必悉如上帝原来的旨意而成为终身的福惠了。[18]
§38
Let her keep cheerful and buoyant. Instead of spending every moment in endless sewing, make the evening a pleasant social season, a family reunion after the days duties. Many a man would thus be led to choose the society of his home before that of the clubhouse or the saloon. Many a boy would be kept from the street or the corner grocery. Many a girl would be saved from frivolous, misleading associations. The influence of the home would be to parents and children what God designed it should be, a lifelong blessing. {AH 110.2}[18]
§39
婚姻生活并不全是浪漫的幻想；它自有实在的艰难和家常的琐务。妻子不该以为自己是受人伺候的一个玩偶，而是一位妇女，乃要肩承实际而非幻想的负担，并且要度一种有理智、有思想的生活，要想到除了她自身以外，还有其他须加留意的事物。实际的生活自有其阴暗和忧愁的一面。每一个人都必遭遇困难。撒但经常活动着要使各人的信心动摇，并试图破坏每一个人的勇气和希望。[19]
§40
Married life is not all romance; it has its real difficulties and its homely details. The wife must not consider herself a doll, to be tended, but a woman; one to put her shoulder under real, not imaginary, burdens, and live an understanding, thoughtful life, considering that there are other things to be thought of than herself. . . . Real life has its shadows and its sorrows. To every soul troubles must come. Satan is constantly working to unsettle the faith and destroy the courage and hope of every one. {AH 110.3}[19]
§41
劝导一对抑郁不乐的夫妇——你们的婚姻生活很像一片荒漠——只有在怀着感谢之心回顾既往时，才会现出极小的一角绿洲。其实大可不必如此。[20]
§42
Counsel to an Unhappy Couple.--Your married life has been very much like a desert--but very few green spots to look back upon with grateful remembrance. It need not have been thus. {AH 111.1}[20]
§43
爱若不自外面的行动中表现出来，便不能继续存在，一如火不继之以薪势必熄灭。你，丙弟兄，你以为借着亲切的行为表示温柔，并寻找机会用柔和温慈的言语来显明你对妻子的爱情，都会有损你的尊严。你的情绪易变，受你周围环境的影响甚大。当你离开你的营业，就该放下你营业上的挂虑、困扰和烦恼。应该带着愉快的面容，带着同情、温柔与爱心回到你的家里来。这样，较比花钱为你的妻子买药或请医生要好得多了。如此行，就必导致身体的健康和心灵的力量。你们过去的生活非常苦恼。这种局面的造成，你们双方都有责任。上帝并不乐于见到你们备尝痛苦，这是因为你们缺乏自制而招惹到自己身上来的。[21]
§44
Love can no more exist without revealing itself in outward acts than fire can be kept alive without fuel. You, Brother C, have felt that it was beneath your dignity to manifest tenderness by kindly acts and to watch for an opportunity to evince affection for your wife by words of tenderness and kind regard. You are changeable in your feelings and are very much affected by surrounding circumstances. . . . Leave your business cares and perplexities and annoyances when you leave your business. Come to your family with a cheerful countenance, with sympathy, tenderness, and love. This will be better than expending money for medicines or physicians for your wife. It will be health to the body and strength to the soul. Your lives have been very wretched. You have both acted a part in making them so. God is not pleased with your misery; you have brought it upon yourselves by want of self-control. {AH 111.2}[21]
§45
你一任情绪称霸。丙弟兄，你认为表示爱意，说话和善亲切，便有损你的尊严。你以为这一切温和的言语都含有优柔懦弱的意味，而且都是不必要的，反而代之以急躁的言语，就是不睦、分争和责难的言语。[22]
§46
You let feelings bear sway. You think it beneath your dignity, Brother C, to manifest love, to speak kindly and affectionately. All these tender words, you think, savor of softness and weakness, and are unnecessary. But in their place come fretful words, words of discord, strife, and censure. . . . {AH 111.3}[22]
§47
你没有怡然自足的特质。你经常注视着自己的烦恼，那只是幻想中未来的缺乏与穷困，却出现在你的目前；你觉得烦恼、困惑和痛苦；你的脑中犹如火焚，你的精神沮丧。你没有存着爱上帝的心，以及感谢你慈悲天父赐予你诸般福惠之念。你所见到的，只是人生各种不如意的事。你已为一种犹如黝黑的密云一般的世俗疯狂所笼罩。当平安与福乐在你掌握之中时，你却甘愿受苦，撒但便因而得意洋洋了。[23]
§48
You have not the elements of a contented spirit. You dwell upon your troubles; imaginary want and poverty far ahead stare you in the face; you feel afflicted, distressed, agonized; your brain seems on fire, your spirits depressed. You do not cherish love to God and gratitude of heart for all the blessings which your kind heavenly Father has bestowed upon you. You see only the discomforts of life. A worldly insanity shuts you in like heavy clouds of thick darkness. Satan exults over you because you will have misery when peace and happiness are at your command. {AH 112.1}[23]
§49
相爱相容之报赏——除非彼此相爱相容，任何世上的权力都不能保全你与你丈夫在基督里的结合。你们在婚姻关系中的情谊，应该是亲密而又温柔的、圣洁而又高贵的，为你们的人生带来属灵的能力，以至你们彼此之间可成全上帝圣言中所要求的一切。等你们达到主所期望你们达到的境地时，就必发现地上的天国，并且上帝也在你们的生活之中了。[24]
§50
Mutual Love and Forbearance Rewarded.--Without mutual forbearance and love no earthly power can hold you and your husband in the bonds of Christian unity. Your companionship in the marriage relation should be close and tender, holy and elevated, breathing a spiritual power into your lives, that you may be everything to each other that Gods word requires. When you reach the condition that the Lord desires you to reach, you will find heaven below and God in your life. {AH 112.2}[24]
§51
我亲爱的弟兄姊妹，务须记得：上帝就是爱，靠着他的恩典，你们便能在增进彼此幸福的事上获得成功，一如你们在婚约中所应许要作的。[25]
§52
Remember, my dear brother and sister, that God is love and that by His grace you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage pledge you promised to do. {AH 112.3}[25]
§53
男女若都以基督为他们的帮助者，便可达到上帝在他们身上所有的理想。凡人间的智慧所无力成就的，他的恩典必为那在爱中信靠他而献身与他的人成全。他的美意能以那垂自天庭的绳索使两心相系。爱不仅是口中所讲的一些柔媚之言。天国的机杼所织成的经纬，比属世的机杼所织成的更精细，而且更坚韧。所有的成品并不是一种易裂的织物，而是一种经得起磨擦，受得住考验与试炼的纺织品。恒久之爱的金链必使心与心互相系结。[26]
§54
Men and women can reach Gods ideal for them if they will take Christ as their helper. What human wisdom cannot do, His grace will accomplish for those who give themselves to Him in loving trust. His providence can unite hearts in bonds that are of heavenly origin. Love will not be a mere exchange of soft and flattering words. The loom of heaven weaves with warp and woof finer, yet more firm, than can be woven by the looms of earth. The result is not a tissue fabric, but a texture that will bear wear and test and trial. Heart will be bound to heart in the golden bonds of a love that is enduring. {AH 112.4}[26]