第12章 融洽无间
§1
第12章 融洽无间
§2
Chap. 12 - Compatibility
§3
彼此相容——在许多的家庭中，都没有那足以使家中的各个分子准备妥当，能在婚后建立自己快乐家庭的基督化的文雅、真诚的礼貌、和顺与彼此恭敬。而忍耐、仁慈、温文的礼貌，以及基督徒的同情与爱心，却全被尖刻的言语、冲突的意见，以及讥评而专横的习气所取代了。[1]
§4
Adapted to Each Other.--In many families there is not that Christian politeness, that true courtesy, deference, and respect for one another that would prepare its members to marry and make happy families of their own. In the place of patience, kindness, tender courtesy, and Christian sympathy and love, there are sharp words, clashing ideas, and a criticizing, dictatorial spirit. {AH 83.1}[1]
§5
往往青年人在结婚之前，少有机会熟悉对方的习惯和性情。就日常生活而论，他们在结婚的时候，彼此之间根本还没有什么认识。许多人婚后才发现彼此不能配合，但是已经太晚了，他们婚姻的结果，成了终身的苦恼。往往妻子和儿女因丈夫和父亲的怠惰无能，或不良的习惯而受苦。[2]
§6
It is often the case that persons before marriage have little opportunity to become acquainted with each others habits and disposition; and, so far as everyday life is concerned, they are virtually strangers when they unite their interests at the altar. Many find, too late, that they are not adapted to each other, and lifelong wretchedness is the result of their union. Often the wife and children suffer from the indolence and inefficiency or the vicious habits of the husband and father. {AH 83.2}[2]
§7
世界因不合适的婚姻而充满了痛苦与罪恶。在许多实例中，婚后仅仅数月，夫妻之间就发现彼此的性情无法融洽；结果那只应有天国的仁爱与和谐存在其间的家庭，竟充满了不和的气氛。[3]
§8
The world is full of misery and sin today in consequence of ill-assorted marriages. In many cases it takes only a few months for husband and wife to realize that their dispositions can never blend; and the result is that discord prevails in the home, where only the love and harmony of heaven should exist. {AH 83.3}[3]
§9
由于在琐事上争执，便养成了一种刻毒的意气。公然的争论和口角，使家庭中充满了无可言喻的苦恼，以至那原应在爱中联合一致的便彼此疏远了。成千上万的人因不智的婚姻，而如此牺牲了自己的身体和灵魂，踏上了趋向灭亡的下坡路。[4]
§10
By contention over trivial matters a bitter spirit is cultivated. Open disagreements and bickering bring inexpressible misery into the home and drive asunder those who should be united in the bonds of love. Thus thousands have sacrificed themselves, soul and body, by unwise marriages and have gone down in the path of perdition. {AH 83.4}[4]
§11
不和的家庭中经常存有差异——婚后生活的幸福与兴盛，端赖乎双方的合一。世俗的心意怎能与基督的心意融和谐调呢？一个是顺着情欲撒种的，所思所行都迎合自己本心的提示；另一个是顺着圣灵撒种的，则力图抑制自私，克服嗜欲，并完全遵主的旨意而生活，因他自称是他的仆人。故此在志趣、倾向与宗旨等方面经常存有一种差异。除非信徒能借着他始终不移地忠于原则的毅力，去感服那未悔改的人，他就必像大多数人的情形一样而灰心丧志，并出卖自己的宗教原则，以博取那与上天毫无关联之人的卑贱情谊。[5]
§12
Perpetual Differences in a Divided Home.--The happiness and prosperity of the married life depend upon the unity of the parties. How can the carnal mind harmonize with the mind that is assimilated to the mind of Christ? One is sowing to the flesh, thinking and acting in accordance with the promptings of his own heart; the other is sowing to the Spirit, seeking to repress selfishness, to overcome inclination, and to live in obedience to the Master, whose servant he professes to be. Thus there is a perpetual difference of taste, of inclination, and of purpose. Unless the believer shall, through his steadfast adherence to principle, win the impenitent, he will, as is much more common, become discouraged and sell his religious principles for the poor companionship of one who has no connection with Heaven. {AH 84.1}[5]
§13
互不相容以至婚姻破裂——有许多的婚姻，其唯一的特产便是痛苦；但青年们仍然倾心于此，因为撒但诱惑他们，使他们相信若要得到幸福，就须及早结婚。其实，他们既缺乏自制，又没有维持一个家庭的经济能力。凡不肯学习如何适应对方的个性，以避免不愉快的歧见与争执的人，实在不应该结婚。然而，这正是末日蛊惑人心的网罗之一，使千万的人在今生与来世同遭败亡的厄运。[6]
§14
Marriages Wrecked by Incompatibility.--Many marriages can only be productive of misery; and yet the minds of the youth run in this channel because Satan leads them there, making them believe that they must be married in order to be happy, when they have not the ability to control themselves or support a family. Those who are not willing to adapt themselves to each others disposition, so as to avoid unpleasant differences and contentions, should not take the step. But this is one of the alluring snares of the last days, in which thousands are ruined for this life and the next. {AH 84.2}[6]
§15
盲目相恋的后果——凡受这种传染病——盲目相恋所感染的人，他们的一切才智都被它控制了。他们似乎缺少常识，而且他们的行径常为目击者所憎恶。就多数的人而言，这种病症的危机乃在于造成不成熟的婚姻，而当那阵新奇感过去，求爱的魅力消失之后，配偶的一方或双方就必觉察他们的真情实况。于是他们才发现自己并不相配，无奈已结下了终身之约。双方均被这最严肃的盟约所束缚，只得以颓丧的心情熬受他们所必导致的不幸一生。这时，他们当然应该适应自己的境况，可是大多数的人都不这样作。他们或则背信而不忠于婚约，或则使那固执地加于自己颈项上的轭更显得如此苦虐难当，以至有不少懦怯之人竟因而自尽了。[7]
§16
The Aftermath of Blind Love.--Every faculty of those who become affected by this contagious disease-- blind love--is brought in subjection to it. They seem to be devoid of good sense, and their course of action is disgusting to all who behold it. . . . With many the crisis of the disease is reached in an immature marriage, and when the novelty is past and the bewitching power of love-making is over, one or both parties awake to their true situation. They then find themselves ill-mated, but united for life. Bound to each other by the most solemn vows, they look with sinking hearts upon the miserable life they must lead. They ought then to make the best of their situation, but many will not do this. They will either prove false to their marriage vows or make the yoke which they persisted in placing upon their own necks so very galling that not a few cowardly put an end to their existence. {AH 84.3}[7]
§17
因此，夫妇双方都当以如何远避一切足以造成冲突的事物，以及如何维系他们的婚约，作为他们终身研究的主题。[8]
§18
It should henceforth be the life study of both husband and wife how to avoid everything that creates contention and to keep unbroken the marriage vows. {AH 85.1}[8]
§19
以他人的经历为鉴戒——甲君的性情已为撒但成功地玩弄于股掌之上。这个实例应使青年人在有关婚姻的事上得到一番切实的教训。他的妻子只依循着感觉与冲动，并不是遵顺理性和见识而选择配偶。试问：他们的婚姻是不是真爱的成果呢？不，不是的，只是冲动的后果——出于一种盲目的，不圣洁的情欲而已。双方都尚未能肩负婚后的责任。一旦婚姻的新奇感消逝了，彼此认识得更清楚了，他们之间的爱就会变得更坚强，他们的情感就变得更深厚，而他们生活在一起，彼此也就更美妙地谐合了么？不幸，事实上适得其反。他们品性中劣点因经常表现而益见顽劣，以至他们的婚姻生活中，非但毫无幸福可言，而且烦恼愈来愈多了。[9]
§20
Experience of Others a Warning.--Mr. A has a nature that Satan plays upon with wonderful success. This case is one that should teach the young a lesson in regard to marriage. His wife followed feeling and impulse, not reason and judgment, in selecting a companion. Was their marriage the result of true love? No, no; it was the result of impulse--blind, unsanctified passion. Neither was at all fitted for the responsibilities of married life. When the novelty of the new order of things wore away, and each became acquainted with the other, did their love become stronger, their affection deeper, and their lives blend together in beautiful harmony? It was entirely the opposite. The worst traits of their characters began to deepen by exercise; and, instead of their married life being one of happiness, it has been one of increasing trouble. {AH 85.2}[9]
§21
多年以来，我不断地收到来自各个婚姻不美满之人的信件，在我眼前展现出许多篇令人厌烦的伤心史。要我决定给这班不幸的人发什么劝告，或怎样去减轻他们的痛苦，实在不是一件容易的事；但是他们痛苦的经历，却应当作为别人的鉴戒。[10]
§22
For years I have been receiving letters from different persons who have formed unhappy marriages, and the revolting histories opened before me are enough to make the heart ache. It is no easy thing to decide what advice can be given to these unfortunate ones, or how their hard lot can be lightened; but their sad experience should be a warning to others. {AH 85.3}[10]