第08章 一般求爱的惯例
§1
第08章 一般求爱的惯例
§2
Chap. 08 - Common Courtship Practices
§3
求爱与结婚的错误观念——一般求爱的观念，都基于错误的婚姻观念。这都是随着冲动和盲目的爱情而产生的。以调情的态度进行求爱。双方每每违背了贞洁与自检之律，若非干犯上帝的诫命，便有言行失检的过咎，上帝设立婚姻制度的尊贵高尚的宗旨未曾被认清，因而心中纯洁的爱情以及品格上高贵的特质都未加以发展。[1]
§4
Wrong Ideas of Courtship and Marriage.--The ideas of courtship have their foundation in erroneous ideas concerning marriage. They follow impulse and blind passion. The courtship is carried on in a spirit of flirtation. The parties frequently violate the rules of modesty and reserve and are guilty of indiscretion, if they do not break the law of God. The high, noble, lofty design of God in the institution of marriage is not discerned; therefore the purest affections of the heart, the noblest traits of character are not developed. {AH 55.1}[1]
§5
凡是你不愿为圣洁的天使鉴察而记入天上案卷中的片言只字，或一举一动，都不可出口或妄作。你当一心顾念上帝的荣耀。心中只当容存耶稣基督的门徒所应有的纯洁神圣之爱，它的本质是高尚的，是属天而非属世的。在求爱的事上凡与此相背的，都会使人堕落败坏。而婚姻若不遵循《圣经》高尚的原则而行，那么从那位纯全圣洁的上帝看来，就并不是圣洁而可尊重的了。[2]
§6
Not one word should be spoken, not one action performed, that you would not be willing the holy angels should look upon and register in the books above. You should have an eye single to the glory of God. The heart should have only pure, sanctified affection, worthy of the followers of Jesus Christ, exalted in its nature, and more heavenly than earthly. Anything different from this is debasing, degrading in courtship; and marriage cannot be holy and honorable in the sight of a pure and holy God, unless it is after the exalted Scriptural principle. {AH 55.2}[2]
§7
青年们过于依从感情的冲动。他们不应该随便把自己献给对方，或轻易为所爱的人那种动人的外表所迷惑。现代所盛行的求爱方式，无非都是欺骗的诡计和伪善的行为而已，在这件事上，众生之敌所显的手段，远过于主所有的作为。若有什么场合需要运用有益的常识，那就是在这件事情上了，但实际上常识对此所有的作用甚微。[3]
§8
The youth trust altogether too much to impulse. They should not give themselves away too easily, nor be captivated too readily by the winning exterior of the lover. Courtship as carried on in this age is a scheme of deception and hypocrisy, with which the enemy of souls has far more to do than the Lord. Good common sense is needed here if anywhere; but the fact is, it has little to do in the matter. {AH 55.3}[3]
§9
深夜流连——深夜流连的习惯已经成为一种普遍的风气了；虽然你们二位都是基督徒，但这样仍不能蒙上帝的喜悦。如此不得其时的作风，必有害于健康，以致心力不足应付次日的工作，甚至有不良的表现。我的弟兄，我希望你善自尊重，以避免这种谈情说爱的方式。倘若你一心顾及上帝的荣耀，就当谨慎行事。你必不容痴恋的唯情主义蒙蔽了你的视野，以至不能辨察上帝对你身为基督徒之人所有崇高的要求。[4]
§10
Keeping Late Hours.--The habit of sitting up late at night is customary; but it is not pleasing to God, even if you are both Christians. These untimely hours injure health, unfit the mind for the next days duties, and have an appearance of evil. My brother, I hope you will have self-respect enough to shun this form of courtship. If you have an eye single to the glory of God, you will move with deliberate caution. You will not suffer lovesick sentimentalism to so blind your vision that you cannot discern the high claims that God has upon you as a Christian. {AH 56.1}[4]
§11
撒但的使者正窥伺着那班谈情说爱直到深夜的人。假若他们的眼睛能够启开，就必看见有天使正在记录着他们的言行。健康与贞洁之律都被违犯了。将婚前谈情说爱的若干时间留在婚后生活中，就更为合宜了。但一般而言，求婚时所表现的忠诚之爱，婚后就都终止了。[5]
§12
Satans angels are keeping watch with those who devote a large share of the night to courting. Could they have their eyes opened, they would see an angel making a record of their words and acts. The laws of health and modesty are violated. It would be more appropriate to let some of the hours of courtship before marriage run through the married life. But as a general thing, marriage ends all the devotion manifested during the days of courtship. {AH 56.2}[5]
§13
在这败坏的时代中，如此深夜放荡的行为，往往导致男女双方的败落。当男女玷辱己身之时，撒但便因而雀跃，上帝却为此蒙羞。尊贵的名誉竟牺牲于恋情的魔力之下，而这样的人便不能在上帝的嘉许之下庄重地举行婚礼了。他们的结合乃出于情感的冲动，而等到结婚的新奇之趣成为过去时，他们就会发觉自己所作的是什么了。[6]
§14
These hours of midnight dissipation, in this age of depravity, frequently lead to the ruin of both parties thus engaged. Satan exults and God is dishonored when men and women dishonor themselves. The good name of honor is sacrificed under the spell of this infatuation, and the marriage of such persons cannot be solemnized under the approval of God. They are married because passion moved them, and when the novelty of the affair is over, they will begin to realize what they have done. {AH 56.3}[6]
§15
撒但知道他所要对付之人的品质如何，而且他经常显露他属地狱的知识，想出诸般诡计，诱使生灵陷于灭亡之境。一举一动都在他的窥伺之下，而且他还提出许多的暗示，往往有人甘愿听受他的暗示，而不顺从上帝圣言的劝导。这种精密编织的危险的网罗，在巧妙的设置之下，乃要陷害青年和疏于防范的人。有时他可能在网罗上饰以光明的伪装，以至那些成为牺牲的被害者，竟用种种的苦毒将自己刺透了。结果，我们到处可以见到被陷害的人。[7]
§16
Satan knows just what elements he has to deal with, and he displays his infernal wisdom in various devices to entrap souls to their ruin. He watches every step that is taken, and makes many suggestions, and often these suggestions are followed rather than the counsel of Gods word. This finely woven, dangerous net is skillfully prepared to entangle the young and unwary. It may often be disguised under a covering of light; but those who become its victims pierce themselves through with many sorrows. As the result, we see wrecks of humanity everywhere. {AH 56.4}[7]
§17
玩弄人心——从圣洁的上帝看来，玩弄人心决不是一件微小的罪行。虽然如此，还是有许多人向年轻的女子表露倾慕之忱，等到唤起了她们的爱情之后，竟便弃而不顾，将他们所说过的话和所有的影响，全都忘得一干二净。另一副崭新的姿容吸引了他们，于是他们便重述那一套话，又向另一个人献同样的殷勤了。[8]
§18
Trifling With Hearts.--To trifle with hearts is a crime of no small magnitude in the sight of a holy God. And yet some will show preference for young ladies and call out their affections, and then go their way and forget all about the words they have spoken and their effect. A new face attracts them, and they repeat the same words, devote to another the same attentions. {AH 57.1}[8]
§19
这样的本性将在婚后生活中显露出来。婚姻的关系也未必能使善变的心稳定，或使动摇的人坚贞而忠于原则。他们倦于持守不变的爱，而不圣洁的思想也就从他们不圣洁的行为上暴露出来了。因此，青年人约束他们的心意，谨慎他们的行为，使撒但不能引诱他们偏离正路，该是多么重要的事啊！[9]
§20
This disposition will reveal itself in the married life. The marriage relation does not always make the fickle mind firm, the wavering steadfast and true to principle. They tire of constancy, and unholy thoughts will manifest themselves in unholy actions. How essential it is, then, that the youth so gird up the loins of their mind and guard their conduct that Satan cannot beguile them from the path of uprightness. {AH 57.2}[9]
§21
欺骗的求爱手段——青年男子若背着青年女子的父母，与她结识并获得她的友情，这对于她和她的父母而言，都不是一个高尚基督徒所应有的行为。由于秘密的交往和会晤，他也许就能左右她的思想，然而他这样作，便不能显出每一个作上帝儿女之人所应有心灵上的高尚与正直来。为要达到目的，他们所行的一切，都不是光明坦白而与《圣经》标准相符的，足以证明他们并不忠于那爱他们，并拟作他们忠诚的监护者的人。在这种情形之下所缔结的婚姻，并不符合上帝圣言的指示。引诱女子不忠于本分，惑乱她对于上帝明确的孝顺父母之命令所有观念的人，将来绝不是一个忠于婚约的人。[10]
§22
Deceptive Practices in Courtship.--A young man who enjoys the society and wins the friendship of a young lady unbeknown to her parents does not act a noble Christian part toward her or toward her parents. Through secret communications and meetings he may gain an influence over her mind, but in so doing he fails to manifest that nobility and integrity of soul which every child of God will possess. In order to accomplish their ends, they act a part that is not frank and open and according to the Bible standard, and prove themselves untrue to those who love them and try to be faithful guardians over them. Marriages contracted under such influences are not according to the word of God. He who would lead a daughter away from duty, who would confuse her ideas of Gods plain and positive commands to obey and honor her parents, is not one who would be true to the marriage obligations. . . . {AH 57.3}[10]
§23
“不可偷盗”原是上帝亲手写在石版上的，但是暗中盗窃爱情，却又推诿卸责的人是何其多啊！欺骗的求爱手段以及私自往来的情形暗中延续下去，终于使那毫无经验而且不知这事可能演变到什么程度的女孩子将她的爱部分转离了她的双亲，而放在一个从他所作的事上已显明不配为她所爱的人身上去。《圣经》严责每一桩不诚实的行为。[11]
§24
Thou shalt not steal was written by the finger of God upon the tables of stone, yet how much underhand stealing of affections is practiced and excused! A deceptive courtship is maintained, private communications are kept up, until the affections of one who is inexperienced, and knows not whereunto these things may grow, are in a measure withdrawn from her parents and placed upon him who shows by the very course he pursues that he is unworthy of her love. The Bible condemns every species of dishonesty. . . . {AH 58.1}[11]
§25
以这种隐秘而不正当的手段去求爱或结婚，乃是多数祸患的成因，而其影响范围之广远唯有上帝洞悉。千万人的心灵已在这暗礁上撞碎了。那些自称为基督徒，生活方面也有端正的品质，似乎对其他各方面都有相当见识的人，往往在这件事上犯下了可怕的错误。他们表现出一种无可理喻的刚愎固执的意志。他们迷于感情，激于冲动，以至无心查考《圣经》而与上帝之间产生亲密的联系。[12]
§26
This underhand way in which courtships and marriages are carried on is the cause of a great amount of misery, the full extent of which is known only to God. On this rock thousands have made shipwreck of their souls. Professed Christians, whose lives are marked with integrity, and who seem sensible upon every other subject, make fearful mistakes here. They manifest a set, determined will that reason cannot change. They become so fascinated with human feelings and impulses that they have no desire to search the Bible and come into close relationship with God. {AH 58.2}[12]
§27
毋蹈下坡路——十诫当中的任何一条若被违犯，势必就会每况愈下。妇女贞洁的保障一旦撤去，则最卑劣的亵荡行为也就不再显为罪大恶极了。唉，今天世上可以看到妇女所有为恶的影响，已产生了多么可怕的结果啊！千万人因“淫妇”的诱惑而陷身囹圄，许多人自戕其生，更有许多人竟减短了别人的寿命。灵感之言《圣经》是多么的真确：“她的脚下入死地，她脚步踏住阴间。”[13]
§28
Avoid the First Downward Step.--When one commandment of the Decalogue is broken, the downward steps are almost certain. When once the barriers of female modesty are removed, the basest licentiousness does not appear exceeding sinful. Alas, what terrible results of womans influence for evil may be witnessed in the world today! Through the allurements of strange women, thousands are incarcerated in prison cells, many take their own lives, and many cut short the lives of others. How true the words of Inspiration, Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell. {AH 58.3}[13]
§29
在人生旅程中沿途皆设有警标，劝诫人不要接近危险的禁地；虽然如此，仍有无数的人宁愿违背理智的劝导，不顾上帝的律法，蔑视他的报应，而选择那不幸的致命之途。[14]
§30
Beacons of warning are placed on every side in the pathway of life to prevent men from approaching the dangerous, forbidden ground; but, notwithstanding this, multitudes choose the fatal path, contrary to the dictates of reason, regardless of Gods law, and in defiance of His vengeance. {AH 59.1}[14]
§31
凡愿保全健康的身体，敏锐的智力，和完美的道德之人，都须“逃避少年人的私欲。”凡决心全力遏止那在我们中间趾高气扬地横行无忌的邪恶之人，都会被一切罪徒所憎恨所埋怨，但他们却必为上帝所器重所厚赏。[15]
§32
Those who would preserve physical health, a vigorous intellect, and sound morals must flee . . . youthful lusts. Those who will put forth zealous and decided efforts to check the wickedness that lifts its bold, presumptuous head in our midst are hated and maligned by all wrongdoers, but they will be honored and recompensed of God. {AH 59.2}[15]
§33
撒稗子——收痛苦——你们切莫撒播稗子，以至危及自己的灵性。你们不可在择交的事上疏忽大意。[16]
§34
Sow Wild Oats--Reap a Bitter Crop.--You must not imperil your souls by sowing wild oats. You cannot afford to be careless in regard to the companions you choose. {AH 59.3}[16]
§35
亲爱的青年朋友啊，只用一点点时间撒播稗子，就会结出终身痛苦的收获；一时轻率不慎，一次屈从试探，就可能使你一生偏于错误的方向。青春不再，务要有所作为。当你行过这一段路程之后，决不可能再回过头来纠正你的错误。凡拒绝与上帝联合，而自行置身于试探之途的人，是必然会跌倒的。上帝正在考验每一位青年。有许多青年却指着比自己有经验的基督徒的错误榜样，作为自己不敬与疏忽的借口。但这种情形不该拦阻任何人行善。到最后交帐的大日，你们就不会再以现在这种推诿卸责的话来作为借口了。[17]
§36
A little time spent in sowing your wild oats, dear young friends, will produce a crop that will embitter your whole life; an hour of thoughtlessness, once yielding to temptation, may turn the whole current of your life in the wrong direction. You can have but one youth; make that useful. When once you have passed over the ground, you can never return to rectify your mistakes. He who refuses to connect with God, and puts himself in the way of temptation will surely fall. God is testing every youth. Many have excused their carelessness and irreverence because of the wrong example given them by more experienced professors. But this should not deter any from right doing. In the day of final accounts you will plead no such excuses as you plead now. {AH 59.4}[17]