第06章 重大的决定
§1
第06章 重大的决定
§2
Chap. 06 - The Great Decision
§3
幸或不幸的婚姻？——凡正在计划结婚的人，若想婚后不致有可悲的，不愉快的追忆，他们现在就必须把它当作一个严肃的问题而慎重地加以思考。这一步若行得不当，便成了败坏青年男女有为前途的最有效的媒介之一。人生便变成一个重担，一项咒诅。没有任何别的人，能比丈夫更有效的破坏一位妇女的幸福和有为的前途，使人生变成一项痛心的负累；也没有任何别的人，能及得上妻子百分之一那样的打消男人的希望和抱负，麻痹他的精力，且破坏他的感化力和前途。在结婚的时辰，许多男女便注定了他们今生的成功或失败，以及他们来世的指望实现或破裂。[1]
§4
A Happy or Unhappy Marriage?--If those who are contemplating marriage would not have miserable, unhappy reflections after marriage, they must make it a subject of serious, earnest reflection now. This step taken unwisely is one of the most effective means of ruining the usefulness of young men and women. Life becomes a burden, a curse. No one can so effectually ruin a womans happiness and usefulness, and make life a heartsickening burden, as her own husband; and no one can do one hundredth part as much to chill the hopes and aspirations of a man, to paralyze his energies and ruin his influence and prospects, as his own wife. It is from the marriage hour that many men and women date their success or failure in this life, and their hopes of the future life. {AH 43.1}[1]
§5
唯愿我能使青年们看明并觉察他们的危险，尤其是不幸的婚姻所有的危险。[2]
§6
I wish I could make the youth see and feel their danger, especially the danger of making unhappy marriages. {AH 43.2}[2]
§7
婚姻是足以影响你们二人今世与来世生命的一件事。一个真诚的基督徒，若非认清上帝已然赞许他对这件事的计划，就决不贸然进行。他不愿自行选择，却觉得应该由上帝为他选择。我们不可求自己的喜悦，因为基督也不求自己的喜悦。我并不是主张一个人要跟他（她）所不爱的人结婚,那是有罪的。但是也不可容幻想与感情引至败亡的地步。上帝所要求的，乃是整个的心与至上的爱。[3]
§8
Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him. We are not to please ourselves, for Christ pleased not Himself. I would not be understood to mean that anyone is to marry one whom he does not love. This would be sin. But fancy and the emotional nature must not be allowed to lead on to ruin. God requires the whole heart, the supreme affections. {AH 43.3}[3]
§9
化躁进为从容——对于婚姻的关系，只有少数人具有正确的观念。很多人都以为一结婚就必获致完美的幸福,殊不知他们只要稍微能明了：那些不能也不敢挣脱婚姻的捆锁的男女那种痛心的情形，对于我所写的这段话就不会觉得惊异了。婚姻，在大多数的实例中，乃是一副苦不堪言的重轭。千千万万的人结成了配偶，却都是不相配的。天上的案卷中记满了结婚礼服所掩盖着的祸患、罪孽和弊端。因此，我愿忠告正值结婚年龄的青年人，对于选择终身伴侣的大事务要从容进行，切勿操之过急。婚姻生活之路似乎显得美妙而又充满幸福；其实你何尝不会像千万人那样的颓丧失意呢？[4]
§10
Make Haste Slowly.--Few have correct views of the marriage relation. Many seem to think that it is the attainment of perfect bliss; but if they could know one quarter of the heartaches of men and women that are bound by the marriage vow in chains that they cannot and dare not break, they would not be surprised that I trace these lines. Marriage, in a majority of cases, is a most galling yoke. There are thousands that are mated but not matched. The books of heaven are burdened with the woes, the wickedness, and the abuse that lie hidden under the marriage mantle. This is why I would warn the young who are of a marriageable age to make haste slowly in the choice of a companion. The path of married life may appear beautiful and full of happiness; but why may not you be disappointed as thousands of others have been? {AH 44.1}[4]
§11
凡正在计划结婚的人，应该考虑到他们所要组织的家庭，将属何种品类，将有何等影响。当他们作父母的时候，就有一项神圣的责任付托他们。他们子女今生的康宁以及来世的福乐，大半仰赖于他们。儿童所获致的身体与道德方面的特性，大部分由他们决定。而社会的状况，也以家庭的品类为转移；每一个家庭的影响力，都必在天平浮起或下坠的秤盘中，显出它所有的分量。[5]
§12
Those who are contemplating marriage should consider what will be the character and influence of the home they are founding. As they become parents, a sacred trust is committed to them. Upon them depends in a great measure the well-being of their children in this world, and their happiness in the world to come. To a great extent they determine both the physical and the moral stamp that the little ones receive. And upon the character of the home depends the condition of society; the weight of each familys influence will tell in the upward or the downward scale. {AH 44.2}[5]
§13
择偶的要点——青年基督徒在结交朋友，选择伴侣的事上务须十分谨慎。要留意，免得你现在所认定的纯金，一变而成为废铁。与属世之人交往，可能在你侍奉上帝的道路上设下许多阻碍，而许多的生灵，已因与那班无法提拔或无从使之尊贵的人，在商务或婚约上有了不幸的结合，以致败落了。[6]
§14
Vital Factors in the Choice.--Great care should be taken by Christian youth in the formation of friendships and in the choice of companions. Take heed, lest what you now think to be pure gold turns out to be base metal. Worldly associations tend to place obstructions in the way of your service to God, and many souls are ruined by unhappy unions, either business or matrimonial, with those who can never elevate or ennoble. {AH 44.3}[6]
§15
对于你准备与之命运与共终身相联的那一位，要衡量他的每一分情感，注意他品格的每一项发展。你所要走的乃是你一生中最重要的一步，千万不可操之过急。你尽可以恋爱，却不可盲目地恋爱。[7]
§16
Weigh every sentiment, and watch every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny. The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and should not be taken hastily. While you may love, do not love blindly. {AH 45.1}[7]
§17
要慎重地检讨，看看你将来的婚姻生活是幸福的，还是不和而悲惨的。当扪心自问：这样的结合会帮助我奔走天路吗？会增进我对上帝的爱吗？会扩展我此生服务的范围吗？倘若经过这样的思考都不觉得有阻碍的话，就可以存着敬畏上帝之心往前进行了。[8]
§18
Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me heavenward? Will it increase my love for God? And will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life? If these reflections present no drawback, then in the fear of God move forward. {AH 45.2}[8]
§19
大多数的男女在缔结婚约时所有的表现，似乎他们亟待解决的唯一问题，只是彼此是否相爱而已。但他们应该明白：婚姻的关系所加予他们的责任远过于此。他们应该考虑到将来所生养的儿女，会不会有健康的身体和坚强的智力与道德力。可惜很少人在进行的时候具有高尚的动机，以及不可轻易摆脱的卓越的熟虑——就是社会对于他们有所要求，而且他们的家庭影响力的分量，将在天平浮起或下坠的秤盘中显明出来。[9]
§20
Most men and women have acted in entering the marriage relation as though the only question for them to settle was whether they loved each other. But they should realize that a responsibility rests upon them in the marriage relation farther than this. They should consider whether their offspring will possess physical health and mental and moral strength. But few have moved with high motives and with elevated considerations which they could not lightly throw off--that society had claims upon them, that the weight of their familys influence would tell in the upward or downward scale. {AH 45.3}[9]
§21
选择一个终身的伴侣，须以能确保父母子女在体，智，灵三方面的健全者为对象——就是能使父母与子女双方皆能造福人群，尊荣他们创造主的人。[10]
§22
The choice of a life companion should be such as best to secure physical, mental, and spiritual well-being for parents and for their children--such as will enable both parents and children to bless their fellow men and to honor their Creator. {AH 45.4}[10]
§23
未来妻子应具的资格——一个青年男子应寻求一位在他的身旁，足以分负人生的重担，而其感化力能使他成为高尚文雅，并能使他在她的爱中获致幸福的女子，作他终身的伴侣。[11]
§24
Qualities to Be Sought in a Prospective Wife.--Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of lifes burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love. {AH 45.5}[11]
§25
“贤慧的妻，是耶和华所赐的。”“她丈夫心里依靠她。……她一生使丈夫有益无损。”“她开口就发智慧，她舌上有仁慈的法则。她观察家务，并不吃闲饭。她的儿女起来称她有福，她的丈夫也称赞她，说：才德的女子很多，唯独你超过一切。”得着这样一位妻子的人，便是“得着好处，也是蒙了耶和华的恩惠。”[12]
§26
A prudent wife is from the Lord. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her, saying, Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. He who gains such a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord. {AH 46.1}[12]
§27
这里有几件应该思考的事：你将与之缔婚的人，能给你的家庭带来幸福吗？她是一个节俭持家的人呢，还是一个在婚后不仅会花用她自己赚得的钱，也会耗尽你所有的一切，来满足她的虚荣和爱体面之心的人呢？在这方面她的宗旨正确吗？她现在有所依靠吗？我知道，对于一个心中沉迷于恋情而想结婚的人说来，这些问题都将抛诸脑后而认为是无足轻重的。然而这些事却须加以深思熟虑，因为它们必影响你未来的人生。[13]
§28
Here are things which should be considered: Will the one you marry bring happiness to your home? Is [she] an economist, or will she, if married, not only use all her own earnings, but all of yours to gratify a vanity, a love of appearance? Are her principles correct in this direction? Has she anything now to depend upon? . . . I know that to the mind of a man infatuated with love and thoughts of marriage these questions will be brushed away as though they were of no consequence. But these things should be duly considered, for they have a bearing upon your future life. . . . {AH 46.2}[13]
§29
在你选择妻子时，务要考虑她的品格。她是一个忍耐而勤劳的人吗？或者正当你的父母亟需一个有力的儿子作为依靠之时，她竟毫不顾恤他们呢？她会否勉强他与亲尊乖隔，以逞其所谋，遂其所愿，而撇下他的父母，使他们既得不到一个孝顺的儿媳，并且更失去一个儿子呢？[14]
§30
In your choice of a wife study her character. Will she be one who will be patient and painstaking? Or will she cease to care for your mother and father at the very time when they need a strong son to lean upon? And will she withdraw him from their society to carry out her plans and to suit her own pleasure, and leave the father and mother who, instead of gaining an affectionate daughter, will have lost a son? {AH 46.3}[14]
§31
未来丈夫应具的资格——每一位未婚的女子，应该细察她将与之命运与共的人是否相配。他已往的记录如何？他的生活是否纯洁？他所表现的爱情是否高尚而具有超拔的品质，或仅是感情用事呢？他具有那些能使她幸福的品格上的特点吗？她能否在他的爱中找到真正的平安与喜乐呢？她会否被容许保持她自己的个性，抑或必须将自己的见解和良知全然屈从丈夫的控制呢？她能否尊救主之要求为至上呢？身心、意念和宗旨能否保持纯正而圣洁呢？这些问题，对于每一位行将缔结婚姻关系的妇女的切身福利，都有极深重的影响。[15]
§32
Qualities to Be Sought in a Prospective Husband.-- Before giving her hand in marriage, every woman should inquire whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthy. What has been his past record? Is his life pure? Is the love which he expresses of a noble, elevated character, or is it a mere emotional fondness? Has he the traits of character that will make her happy? Can she find true peace and joy in his affection? Will she be allowed to preserve her individuality, or must her judgment and conscience be surrendered to the control of her husband? . . . Can she honor the Saviours claims as supreme? Will body and soul, thoughts and purposes, be preserved pure and holy? These questions have a vital bearing upon the well-being of every woman who enters the marriage relation. {AH 47.1}[15]
§33
但愿一切渴望平安而幸福之结合的，一切愿意远避未来之忧患与愁苦的女子们，在她尚未许人以爱之前，要查问一下，我的爱人有母在堂吗？她的品性如何？他承认他对于母亲应有的责任吗？他是否顾及他母亲的意愿和幸福呢？倘若他既不尊重也不孝敬他的母亲，怎能以敬重与仁爱，柔和与体贴之心来善待他的妻子呢？一旦婚姻的新奇感过去之后，他是否仍会爱我如初呢？他将来会否容忍我的过错，还是会显出吹毛求疵、傲慢无礼、专横独裁的态度来呢？真实的爱情必能包容许多的过错，爱是不计较这些的。[16]
§34
Let the woman who desires a peaceful, happy union, who would escape future misery and sorrow, inquire before she yields her affections, Has my lover a mother? What is the stamp of her character? Does he recognize his obligations to her? Is he mindful of her wishes and happiness? If he does not respect and honor his mother, will he manifest respect and love, kindness and attention, toward his wife? When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love me still? Will he be patient with my mistakes, or will he be critical, overbearing, and dictatorial? True affection will overlook many mistakes; love will not discern them. {AH 47.2}[16]
§35
只接受纯洁而有丈夫气的男子——青年女子只应接受那纯洁而有丈夫气的、勤勉的、有抱负而诚实的，崇爱并敬畏上帝的男子，作她的终身伴侣。[17]
§36
Accept Only Pure, Manly Traits.--Let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, one who loves and fears God. {AH 47.3}[17]
§37
要远避一切不敬虔的人。要远避那贪图安逸的人；要远避那嘲笑圣物的人。千万不要和言语秽亵的人，或贪杯好酒的人交往，即使是只饮一盅半盏的人也当避之若浼。不可听受那毫不感觉自己对上帝负有相当责任之人的求婚。那使心灵成圣的纯洁真理，必予你以勇气，俾与那可能是最令人喜爱，而你自己却明知他不敬畏上帝，并且毫不明白真正公义之原则的对象断绝往来。朋友的弱点与无知我们都可以容忍，但绝不可容忍他的恶习。[18]
§38
Shun those who are irreverent. Shun one who is a lover of idleness; shun the one who is a scoffer of hallowed things. Avoid the society of one who uses profane language, or is addicted to the use of even one glass of liquor. Listen not to the proposals of a man who has no realization of his responsibility to God. The pure truth which sanctifies the soul will give you courage to cut yourself loose from the most pleasing acquaintance whom you know does not love and fear God, and knows nothing of the principles of true righteousness. We may always bear with a friends infirmities and with his ignorance, but never with his vices. {AH 47.4}[18]
§39
错误易犯难改——出于情感的驱使而蓄意自私的婚姻，大多没有什么好的结果，往往都可悲地失败了。当双方发现自己受了欺骗时，便亟盼打消他俩在迷恋中所造成的事实。在这件事上铸成大错，的确比矫正己铸成的错误容易得多了。[19]
§40
Easier to Make a Mistake Than to Correct It.--Marriages that are impulsive and selfishly planned generally do not result well, but often turn out miserable failures. Both parties find themselves deceived, and gladly would they undo that which they did under an infatuation. It is easier, far easier, to make a mistake in this matter than to correct the error after it is made. {AH 48.1}[19]
§41
宁可解除不智的婚约——即使已订了婚，倘若你事前没有充分了解那拟与你结合之人的品性，就不必认为订了婚就必须履行婚姻的约言，而终身与一个你所不能敬爱，也不值得你尊重的人结合。你务须非常慎重地缔订婚约；但即使解除已订之婚约，也比多数人所作的婚后仳离好得多了。[20]
§42
Better to Break Unwise Engagement.--Even if an engagement has been entered into without a full understanding of the character of the one with whom you intend to unite, do not think that the engagement makes it a positive necessity for you to take upon yourself the marriage vow and link yourself for life to one whom you cannot love and respect. Be very careful how you enter into conditional engagements; but better, far better, break the engagement before marriage than separate afterward, as many do. {AH 48.2}[20]
§43
你也许要说：“我既已许诺在先，现在怎能收回呢？”我的答复是：你的诺言若与《圣经》相背，务须立即收回，而以谦卑的心，在上帝面前悔改你因迷恋而轻率许下的诺言。本乎敬畏上帝之心而收回这样的诺言，较之履行诺言以致羞辱了你的创造主要好得多了。唯愿在进行婚事的每一步骤中，都具有谨慎、朴质、真诚，和恳切求取上帝的喜悦，以尊荣他的心意之特质。婚姻足以影响双方婚后在此世与来世的生命。一个真诚的基督徒，决不作上帝所不认可的任何计划。[21]
§44
You may say, But I have given my promise, and shall I now retract it? I answer, If you have made a promise contrary to the Scriptures, by all means retract it without delay, and in humility before God repent of the infatuation that led you to make so rash a pledge. Far better take back such a promise, in the fear of God, than keep it, and thereby dishonor your Maker. {AH 48.3}[21]
§45
[22]
§46
Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve. {AH 49.1}[22]