第02章 找到合适的伴侣
§1
第02章 找到合适的伴侣
§2
Section Two - Finding the Right Mate
§3
【要有实际经验】
§4
青年男女们在承担婚姻的责任之前，应先有预备他们履行种种义务和责任的实际生活经验。{LYL 19.1}[1]
§5
【Be Practical】
§6
Before assuming the responsibilities involved in marriage, young men and young women should have such an experience in practical life as will prepare them for its duties and its burdens. {LYL 19.1}[1]
§7
既然是男女共同组成家庭，小伙子和姑娘就都要学习处理家务的知识。铺床叠被，整理房间，洗碗煮饭，以及洗涤缝补自己的衣服等事，乃是一种训练，决不会削弱小伙子的丈夫气概，反而会使他成为更加快乐有用的人。{LYL 19.2}[2]
§8
Since both men and women have a part in homemaking, boys as well as girls should gain a knowledge of household duties. To make a bed and put a room in order, to wash dishes, to prepare a meal, to wash and repair his own clothing, is a training that need not make any boy less manly; it will make him happier and more useful. {LYL 19.2}[2]
§9
现今许多已结婚成家的女子，对于为人妻为人母的天职，缺乏实际的知识。她们能读书、能奏乐，但却不能烹饪。她们不会制作那对家人健康十分重要的优质面包。她们不会裁制衣服，因为她们从未学过。她们认为这些事不重要，而在她们的婚姻生活中，她们得依赖别人来为她们和她们的孩子做这些事。{LYL 19.3}[3]
§10
There are very many girls who have married and have families, who have but little practical knowledge of the duties devolving upon a wife and mother. They can read, and play upon an instrument of music; but they cannot cook. They cannot make good bread, which is very essential to the health of the family. They cannot cut and make garments, for they never learned how. They considered these things unessential, and in their married life they are as dependent upon some one to do these things for them as are their own little children. {LYL 19.3}[3]
§11
【青年男子应该找什么样的妻子】
§12
一个青年男子应寻找一位能站在他的身旁分担人生职责的人。她的感化力能使他高尚文雅，并在她的爱里获致幸福。{LYL 20.1}[4]
§13
【What a Young Man Should Look for in a Wife】
§14
Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of lifes burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love. {LYL 20.1}[4]
§15
“贤慧的妻是耶和华所赐的。”“她丈夫心里倚靠她，必不缺少利益。”“她一生使丈夫有益无损。”“她开口就发智慧；她舌上有仁慈的法则。她观察家务，并不吃闲饭。她的儿女起来称她有福；她的丈夫也称赞她，说：才德的女子很多，惟独你超过一切。”“得着贤妻的，是得着好处，也是蒙了耶和华的恩惠”（箴19:14; 31:11, 12, 26-29; 18:22）。{LYL 20.2}[5]
§16
A prudent wife is from the Lord. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. Proverbs 19:14; 31:11, 12, 26-29; 18:22. {LYL 20.2}[5]
§17
（罗尔夫是一位欧洲教会领袖的儿子。他想娶的姑娘并不确定是否爱他；但他很希望她对他作出承诺。{LYL 20.3}[6]
§18
（ROLF WAS THE SON OF A LEADING MINISTER IN EUROPE. THE GIRL HE WANTED TO MARRY WAS NOT SURE IF SHE LOVED HIM, BUT HE WAS URGING HER TO MAKE A COMMITMENT TO HIM. {LYL 20.3}[6]
§19
还有其他问题表明她还没有从性格和教育上为承担婚姻生活的责任作好准备。怀爱伦询问了罗尔夫一些问题。这些问题是所有打算结婚的年轻人都必须回答的。) {LYL 20.4}[7]
§20
THERE WERE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT INDICATE SHE WAS NOT READY TO TAKE ON THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF MARRIED LIFE, EITHER BY TEMPERAMENT OR BY TRAINING. ELLEN WHITE ASKS SOME QUESTIONS OF ROLF THAT SHOULD BE ANSWERED BY EVERY YOUNG MAN WHO PLANS FOR MARRIAGE.）{LYL 20.4}[7]
§21
1886年9月23日写于英格兰大格里姆斯比[8]
§22
Great Grimsby, England September 23, 1886[8]
§23
亲爱的罗尔夫：
§24
我在巴塞尔时曾与伊迪丝谈到你对她示爱的事。我问她是否已下定决心，爱你到与你风雨同舟共度一生的程度。她回答说，在这一点上她还没有作出最后的决定。我告诉她，她应该明白自己所采取的步骤；对于任何一个向她示爱的青年男子，如果她不爱他，就不要给他以任何鼓励，向他示好。{LYL 21.1}[9]
§25
Dear Rolf:
§26
While at Basel I had some conversation with Edith in regard to your attentions to her. I asked her if her mind was fully made up that she loves you well enough to link her interests with you for life. She answered that she was not fully settled upon this point. I told her that she should know just what steps she was taking; that she should give no encouragement to the attentions of any young man showing him preference unless she loved him. {LYL 21.1}[9]
§27
她明说她不知道自己是否真的爱你。但她认为如果与你订婚，就可能跟你熟悉起来。但事实上你们俩并没有机会熟悉。{LYL 21.2}[10]
§28
She plainly stated that she did not know as she did love you, but thought if she were engaged to you she might become acquainted with you. But as it was you both had no opportunity to become acquainted. {LYL 21.2}[10]
§29
我有理由认为她不喜欢做家务，而且我知道你应该有一个能给你幸福家庭的妻子。我问她在家庭的责任方面有过什么经验。她回答说在她父亲家里曾做过家务。我问这些问题是因为根据我对她的品格的了解，她需要在实际的生活责任方面接受特别的教育，但她对这些事没兴趣或爱好。{LYL 21.3}[11]
§30
I had reason to think that she disliked domestic labor, and I knew that you should have a wife that could make you a happy home. I asked her if she had any experience in those duties that make a home. She answered that she had done housework at home in her fathers family. I asked these questions because as her character had been presented to me she needed special education in practical duties of life, but had no taste or inclination for these things. {LYL 21.3}[11]
§31
她告诉我，她尚未作出任何的决定，还说你很心急，很爱她，但她还不能说爱你，尽管你很善良而且关心她。我说：“那你就应该作出决定，不要误导他。” {LYL 21.4}[12]
§32
She told me that she was not decided in anything, that you were very urgent and loved her, but she could not say that she loved you although you were very kind and attentive. Said I, Then come to an understanding. Do not lead him on. {LYL 21.4}[12]
§33
我告诉她应考虑与你结婚的目的，你们俩是否能通过婚姻而荣耀上帝，并且更加属灵，人生更加有用。出于冲动和自私的婚姻结果通常都不好，常导致悲惨的失败。{LYL 21.5}[13]
§34
I told her she should consider the object of a marriage with you, whether by such a step you could both glorify God; whether you would be more spiritual; and whether your lives would be more useful. Marriages that are impulsive and selfishly planned generally do not result well but often turn out miserable failures. {LYL 21.5}[13]
§35
罗尔夫，我不能说你不可以娶伊迪丝，只能说我是关心你。下面这些问题是你应当考虑的：你所要娶的人会给你的家带来幸福吗？伊迪丝是个节俭的人呢，还是在她婚后会用光她自己和你的收入，来满足她的虚荣和打扮呢？她在这个方面的原则正确吗？{LYL 21.6}[14]
§36
Now, Rolf, I cannot say that it is my business to say that you shall not marry Edith, but I will say that I have an interest in you. Here are things which should be considered: Will the one you marry bring happiness to your home? Is Edith an economist, or will she if married not only use up all her own earnings, but all of yours to gratify a vanity, a love of appearance? Are her principles correct in this direction? {LYL 21.6}[14]
§37
我认为伊迪丝不懂得什么是克己。如果有机会，她就会设法比以前花更多的钱。她从未克服自私满足的心理。这种本性的自我放纵已成为她生命的一部分。她贪图安逸和娱乐。{LYL 22.1}[15]
§38
I do not think Edith knows what self-denial is. If she had the opportunity she would find ways to spend even more means than she has done. With her, selfish gratifications have never been overcome, and this natural self-indulgence has become a part of her life. She desires an easy, pleasant time. {LYL 22.1}[15]
§39
我必须坦率地说。罗尔夫，我知道，如果你娶了她，你虽然有了妻室，但并不般配。你所要娶为妻子的人是有缺陷的。就基督徒的献身和虔诚而言，一个心地如此自私的人是绝不会长进的。{LYL 22.2}[16]
§40
I must speak plainly. I know, Rolf, that should you marry her you would be mated, but not matched. There would be something wanting in the one you make your wife. And as far as Christian devotion and piety is concerned, that can never grow where so great selfishness possesses the soul. {LYL 22.2}[16]
§41
罗尔夫，我愿意写信给你，就像写给我儿子一样。伟大而崇高的工作正摆在我们面前。我们在世上的所起的作用完全取决于我们人生的目标和宗旨。我们可能会心血来潮。你身上的素质会使你成为一个有用的人。但是如果你随从自己的欲望，任性的洪流就会把你冲走。你要树立一个高尚的标准，并且努力达到这个标准。{LYL 22.3}[17]
§42
I will write to you, Rolf, just as I would write to my son. There is a great and noble work lying just before us, and the part we shall act in this world depends wholly upon our aims and purposes in life. We may be following impulse. You have the qualities in you to make a useful man, but if you follow inclination, this strong current of self-will will sweep you away. Place for yourself a high standard, and earnestly strive to reach it. {LYL 22.3}[17]
§43
但愿你心中的主要目的就是在基督耶稣里长大成人。在基督里你可以勇往直前；离开基督你该做的什么也做不了。你有决心要实现你的目标。若你所有的能力都降服于基督，那么这就不是你品格中惹人厌的特性。请你牢记，你不可以随便按照自己的想法来处置自己。基督已经用无限的代价赎买了你。你是祂的产业，你所有的计划都必须考虑这一点。{LYL 22.4}[18]
§44
Let it become the ruling purpose of your heart to grow to a complete man in Christ Jesus. In Christ you can do valiantly; without Christ you can do nothing as you should. You have a determination to carry out that which you purpose. This is not an objectionable feature in your character if all your powers are surrendered to God. Please bear this in mind, that you are not at liberty to dispose of yourself as your fancy may dictate. Christ has purchased you with a price that is infinite. You are His property, and in all your plans you must take this into account. {LYL 22.4}[18]
§45
尤其是在你的婚姻关系中，要小心寻找一位愿意与你肩并肩在属灵上成长的伴侣。{LYL 22.5}[19]
§46
Especially in your marriage relations, be careful to get one who will stand shoulder to shoulder with you in spiritual growth. {LYL 22.5}[19]
§47
罗尔夫，我希望你考虑上述问题。愿上帝帮助你为这件事祷告。天使们在关注着这场争战。我将这件事留给你自己考虑并决定。[20]
§48
Rolf, I want you to consider all these things. God help you to pray over this matter. Angels are watching this struggle. I leave you with this matter to consider and decide for yourself.[20]
§49
——《怀爱伦信函》1886年23号{LYL 22.6}[21]
§50
Ellen G. White.
§51
Letter 23, 1886 {LYL 22.6}[21]
§52
【一个姑娘在婚前该问的问题】
§53
每一个女子在答应婚事以前，应当调查一下她所要结合的对象是否与她相配？他过去的为人如何？他的生活是否纯洁？他的示爱是出于高尚的动机，或仅是感情用事呢？他有没有使她幸福的品质？从他的爱中能否得到真正的平安与喜乐？她是否能被允许保留自己的个性，或是须将自己的判断与良心都交给丈夫控制？作为一个基督的门徒，她并不是属于自己的，而是用重价买来的。她能尊救主的要求为至上吗？她的身体，灵性，思想和意志能保持清白圣洁吗？这些问题对于每一位准备结婚之女子的幸福是关系重大的。{LYL 23.1}[22]
§54
【Questions a Girl Should Ask Before Marriage】
§55
Before giving her hand in marriage, every woman should inquire whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthy. What has been his past record? Is his life pure? Is the love which he expresses of a noble, elevated character, or is it a mere emotional fondness? Has he the traits of character that will make her happy? Can she find true peace and joy in his affection? Will she be allowed to preserve her individuality, or must her judgment and conscience be surrendered to the control of her husband? As a disciple of Christ, she is not her own; she has been bought with a price. Can she honor the Saviours claims as supreme? Will body and soul, thoughts and purposes, be preserved pure and holy? These questions have a vital bearing upon the well-being of every woman who enters the marriage relation. {LYL 23.1}[22]
§56
当扪心自问：这样的结合会帮助我奔走天路吗？会增进我对上帝的爱吗？会扩展我此生服务的范围吗？倘若经过这样的思考都不觉得有阻碍的话，就可以存着敬畏上帝的心往前进行了。{LYL 23.2}[23]
§57
Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me heavenward? will it increase my love for God? and will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life? If these reflections present no drawback, then in the fear of God move forward.{LYL 23.2}[23]
§58
真正的爱是一株需要培养的树木。凡希望获得平安快乐的婚姻，避免将来不幸和痛苦的女子，应在定亲之前，了解对方的母亲是否健在？她的品性如何？他是否认识到对于母亲的责任？能否关心她的愿望和幸福？如果他不孝敬自己的母亲，又如何能向她的妻子表现尊重，爱心，仁慈和关怀呢？新婚的兴奋过去之后，他依然爱我吗？他能宽容我的过失，或是吹毛求疵，蛮横无理，独断专行地对待我呢？真正的爱情能宽恕许多过失，因为爱是不计较过错的。{LYL 24.1}[24]
§59
True love is a plant that needs culture. Let the woman who desires a peaceful, happy union, who would escape future misery and sorrow, inquire before she yields her affections, Has my lover a mother? What is the stamp of her character? Does he recognize his obligations to her? Is he mindful of her wishes and happiness? If he does not respect and honor his mother, will he manifest respect and love, kindness and attention, toward his wife? When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love me still? Will he be patient with my mistakes, or will he be critical, overbearing, and dictatorial? True affection will overlook many mistakes; love will not discern them. {LYL 24.1}[24]
§60
青年女子应该只接受那纯洁，有丈夫气概，勤劳，有抱负，诚实，爱上帝并敬畏上帝的男子，作为她终身的伴侣。{LYL 24.2}[25]
§61
Let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring and honest, one who loves and fears God. {LYL 24.2}[25]
§62
（这封写给尼尔的信所涉及的一些问题与上面写给罗尔夫的信相同。她所结交的那群人不好。她特别亲密的朋友不虔诚，懒惰，说粗话，还有其他的坏习惯。怀爱伦问了一些非常直接的问题，当你阅读这封信时，这些问题可能也很适用于你。）{LYL 24.3}[26]
§63
（THIS LETTER TO NELLIE LOOKS AT SOME OF THE SAME QUESTIONS AS THE EARLIER ONE TO ROLF. THE CROWD SHE IS ASSOCIATING WITH IS NOT GOOD. HER SPECIAL FRIEND IS IRREVERENT, LAZY, AND USES FOUL LANGUAGE AS WELL. OTHER HABITS ARE QUESTIONABLE ALSO. ELLEN WHITE ASKS SOME VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD QUESTIONS THAT MIGHT WELL APPLY TO YOU AS YOU READ THIS LETTER. {LYL 24.3}[26]
§64
1894年8月9日写于澳大利亚新南威尔士州格兰维尔市，前景街，诺福克公馆[27]
§65
Norfolk Villa, Prospect St. Granville, N.S.W. August 9, 1894[27]
§66
亲爱的尼尔：
§67
我感谢上帝，因为你爱真理，爱耶稣，我渴望你勇往直前奋勇向上，好使你达到上帝的话所显示基督徒品格的标准。要让上帝的话成为你的指南，使你在每一件事中都按照圣经的要求来塑造行为和品格。{LYL 25.1}[28]
§68
Dear Nellie:
§69
I am thankful to God that you love the truth, that you love Jesus, and I am anxious that you should press your way forward and upward in order that you shall reach the standard of Christian character that is revealed in the word of God. Let the word of God be your guidebook that in everything you may be molded in conduct and character according to its requirements. {LYL 25.1}[28]
§70
你因着创造和救赎而成了主的产业。你可以在你的家里成为一盏明灯，并且藉着活出真理不断地发挥救人的影响力。当真理在心里时，家中所有的人都会感到其救人的影响力。你负有一种神圣的责任，这种责任需要你藉着将自己全然献给主来保持心灵纯洁。{LYL 25.2}[29]
§71
You are the Lords property both by creation and redemption. You may be a light in your home, and may continually exercise a saving influence in living out the truth. When the truth is in the heart its saving influence will be felt by all that are in the house. A sacred responsibility is resting upon you, and one that requires that you keep your soul pure by consecrating yourself to be wholly the Lords. {LYL 25.2}[29]
§72
你所相识的那些人，既全然厌恶属灵的事物，就不会藉着实行真理而变得优雅、高尚和超脱。他们不是在基督的领导之下，而是置身于黑暗之君的黑旗之下。与那些既不敬畏也不热爱上帝的人交往，如果你与他们交往不是立定主意为要赢得他们归向基督，必会损害你自己的灵性。你既不能举拔他们，他们在你身上就必发挥一种败坏的，污损你信仰的影响。你以和善的态度对待他们是对的；但是你若喜爱并选择他们的陪伴，那就对你大为不利了；因为你若拣选环绕他们的那种氛围，就必牺牲与基督的友谊。{LYL 25.3}[30]
§73
Your acquaintances who are utterly averse to spiritual things, are not refined, ennobled, and elevated by the practice of the truth. They are not under the leadership of Christ, but under the black banner of the prince of darkness. To associate with those who neither fear nor love God--unless you associate with them for the purpose of winning them to Jesus--will be a detriment to your spirituality. If you cannot lift them up, their influence will tell upon you in corrupting and tainting your faith. It is right for you to treat them kindly, but not well for you to love and choose their society; for if you choose the atmosphere that surrounds their souls, you will forfeit the companionship of Jesus. {LYL 25.3}[30]
§74
根据主所乐意赐给我的亮光，我警告你，你正处于被仇敌欺骗的危险中，处于选择己路、不顺从上帝的劝告、不遵照祂的旨意而行的危险中。那位圣者已经赐下准则指导每个人，所以谁也不必迷路。这些指示对我们来说意味着一切，因为它们构成了亚当每一个儿女都应符合的标准。{LYL 25.4}[31]
§75
From the light which the Lord has been pleased to give me, I warn you that you are in danger of being deceived by the enemy. You are in danger of choosing your own way and of not following the counsel of God and not walking in obedience to His will. The Holy One has given rules for the guidance of every soul so that no one need miss his way. These directions mean everything to us, for they form the standard to which every son and daughter of Adam should conform.{LYL 25.4}[31]
§76
你刚步入成年女性的行列，若你寻求上帝的恩典，追随耶稣所引导的道路，就会成为一个越来越真实可靠的女子。你会在恩典中成长，通过经验变得更有智慧。你从亮光进到更大的亮光时，就会变得更加幸福。要记得你的生命属于耶稣，你不是单为自己而活。{LYL 26.1}[32]
§77
You are just entering upon womanhood, and if you seek the grace of Christ, if you follow the path where Jesus leads the way, you will become more and more a true woman. You will grow in grace, become wiser by experience, and as you advance from light to a greater light you will become happier. Remember your life belongs to Jesus, and that you are not to live for yourself alone. {LYL 26.1}[32]
§78
你当避免与那些不敬虔的人交往。你当远离游手好闲的人；避开嘲笑圣洁事物的人。你当避免与说亵渎话的人，或贪杯嗜饮，即使是只饮一盅半盏的人交往。不可接受那不认识自己对上帝负有责任之男子的求爱。那能使心灵圣化的纯正真理，必给予你勇气，与那可能最讨人喜爱的，但你明知他不爱也不敬畏上帝、不知道真正公义原理的熟人绝交。我们可以总是宽容朋友的软弱与无知，但绝不可宽容他的恶习。{LYL 26.2}[33]
§79
Shun those who are irreverent. Shun one who is a lover of idleness; shun the one who is a scoffer of hallowed things. Avoid the society of one who uses profane language or is addicted to the use of even one glass of liquor. Listen not to the proposals of a man who has no realization of his responsibility to God. The pure truth which sanctifies the soul will give you courage to cut yourself loose from the most pleasing acquaintance whom you know does not love and fear God, and knows nothing of the principles of true righteousness. We may always bear with a friends infirmities and with his ignorance, but never with his vices. {LYL 26.2}[33]
§80
要小心你迈出的每一步。每一步你都需要耶稣。你的生命太宝贵了，不可随便轻易地对待。髑髅地向你证实了你灵魂的价值。要查考上帝的话语，以便知道应该如何利用上帝用无限的代价换来的生命。作为上帝的儿女，你只可以在主里缔结婚姻。你一定不可随从自己心里的想象，而要本着敬畏上帝的心行事。{LYL 26.3}[34]
§81
Be cautious every step that you advance; you need Jesus at every step. Your life is too precious a thing to be treated as of little worth. Calvary testifies to you of the value of your soul. Consult the word of God in order that you may know how you should use the life that has been purchased for you at infinite cost. As a child of God you are permitted to contract marriage only in the Lord. Be sure that you do not follow the imagination of your own heart, but move in the fear of God. {LYL 26.3}[34]
§82
如果信徒与不信之人交往是为了争取他们归向基督，那么他们就会成为基督的见证，并且在完成了他们的使命之后，自己就当撤退，为要呼吸于清净圣洁的气氛中。在与不信之人交往时，务须记得在品格方面你是耶稣基督的代表，因此不可让轻佻无谓的话语，没有价值的言谈出自你的唇边。{LYL 26.4}[35]
§83
If believers associate with unbelievers for the purpose of winning them to Christ, they will be witnesses for Christ, and having fulfilled their mission, will withdraw themselves in order to breathe in a pure and holy atmosphere. When in the society of unbelievers, ever remember that in character you are a representative of Jesus Christ, and let no light and trifling words, no cheap conversation be upon your lips. {LYL 26.4}[35]
§84
要牢牢地记住灵魂的价值，并记住千方百计与上帝同工乃是你的特权也是你的责任。你不可将自己的身份降到和不信之人一样的水准，嘻嘻哈哈，和他们一样讲没有价值的话。{LYL 26.5}[36]
§85
Keep in mind the value of the soul, and remember that it is your privilege and your duty to be in every possible way a laborer together with God. You are not to lower yourself to the same level as that of unbelievers, and laugh and make the same cheap speeches.{LYL 26.5}[36]
§86
主必作你的帮助者，而且你若信靠祂，祂必提拔你，使你达到尊贵高尚的标准，使你的脚立稳在永恒真理的基础之上。藉赖基督的恩典，你可以善用托付你的才干，作一个为善的器皿，拯救生灵归向基督。你所有的每一种才干，都当用在正义这一边。{LYL 27.1}[37]
§87
The Lord will be your helper, and if you trust Him, will bring you up to a noble, elevated standard, and will place your feet upon the platform of eternal truth. Through the grace of Christ you can make a right use of your entrusted capabilities and become an agent for good in winning souls to Christ. Every talent you have should be used on the right side. {LYL 27.1}[37]
§88
我亲爱的姊妹，我写这些给你是因为我爱你的生命。我恳劝你听我的话，我会找时间再写信给你。[38]
§89
My dear sister, I have written to you because I have a love for your soul, and I beseech you to hear my words. I have more to write to you when I shall find time.[38]
§90
以基督徒的爱， 怀爱伦
§91
—— 《怀爱伦信函》1894年51号 {LYL 27.2}[39]
§92
With Christian love,
§93
Ellen G. White.
§94
Letter 51, 1894 {LYL 27.2}[39]