第29章 家庭的建造者
§1
第29章 家庭的建造者
§2
Chap. 29 - The Builders of the Home
§3
那位把夏娃赐给亚当作为伴侣的主，在一个婚宴上施行了祂的第一个神迹。基督在亲朋好友欢聚的宴厅中开始了祂的传道工作。祂就是这样对婚姻表示认可，承认婚姻是祂亲自所设立的制度。祂指定男女在神圣的婚姻中结合，组织家庭，使家里的人光荣地成为天上家庭的成员。{MH 356.1}
§4
He who gave Eve to Adam as a helpmeet, performed His first miracle at a marriage festival. In the festal hall where friends and kindred rejoiced together, Christ began His public ministry. Thus He sanctioned marriage, recognizing it as an institution that He Himself had established. He ordained that men and women should be united in holy wedlock, to rear families whose members, crowned with honor, should be recognized as members of the family above. {MH 356.1}[1]
§5
基督尊重婚姻的关系，用它来说明祂与祂所救赎之人的联合。祂自己是新郎；教会是祂所拣选的新娘。祂对教会说：“我的佳偶，你全然美丽，毫无瑕疵”（歌4:7）。{MH 356.2}
§6
Christ honored the marriage relation by making it also a symbol of the union between Him and His redeemed ones. He Himself is the Bridegroom; the bride is the church, of which, as His chosen one, He says, Thou art all fair, My love; there is no spot in thee. Song of Solomon 4:7. {MH 356.2}[2]
§7
基督“爱教会，为教会舍己。………把教会洗净，成为圣洁，……毫无沾污”（弗5:25-27）。“丈夫也当照样爱妻子”（弗5:28）。{MH 356.3}
§8
Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it; . . . that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives. Ephesians 5:25-28. {MH 356.3}[3]
§9
家庭的关系是地上最亲密、最恩爱和最神圣的关系。它是为人类的幸福而设立的。人若凭着理智和敬畏上帝的心订立婚约，慎重地考虑婚约的责任，婚姻就会成为一种福分。{MH 356.4}
§10
The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of any on earth. It was designed to be a blessing to mankind. And it is a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered into intelligently, in the fear of God, and with due consideration for its responsibilities. {MH 356.4}[4]
§11
凡打算结婚的人应当考虑他们所要建立之家庭的性质和影响。他们做了父母之后，就要负起神圣的责任。儿女今生的利益和来生的幸福，在很大的程度上有赖于他们。儿童所接受身体和道德方面的印记，也大都取决于他们。社会的状况，由家庭的性质决定。家庭的影响将左右社会的天秤。{MH 357.1}
§12
Those who are contemplating marriage should consider what will be the character and influence of the home they are founding. As they become parents, a sacred trust is committed to them. Upon them depends in a great measure the well-being of their children in this world, and their happiness in the world to come. To a great extent they determine both the physical and the moral stamp that the little ones receive. And upon the character of the home depends the condition of society; the weight of each familys influence will tell in the upward or the downward scale. {MH 357.1}[5]
§13
终身伴侣的选择应当最有利于父母和儿女的德育、智育和体育，使父母和儿女都能造福同胞，荣耀他们的创造主。{MH 357.2}
§14
The choice of a life companion should be such as best to secure physical, mental, and spiritual well-being for parents and for their children--such as will enable both parents and children to bless their fellow men and to honor their Creator. {MH 357.2}[6]
§15
青年男女在负起婚姻的担子之前，应当对生活的种种义务和责任有实际的经验。早婚是不宜提倡的，象婚姻这种关系重大而影响深远的事，是不应当在智力和身体尚未充分发育以及毫无准备之时贸然进行的。{MH 358.1}
§16
Before assuming the responsibilities involved in marriage, young men and young women should have such an experience in practical life as will prepare them for its duties and its burdens. Early marriages are not to be encouraged. A relation so important as marriage and so far-reaching in its results should not be entered upon hastily, without sufficient preparation, and before the mental and physical powers are well developed. {MH 358.1}[7]
§17
双方也许没有世俗的财富，但他们拥有远为重要的健康之福。在大多数情况下，双方的年龄不要相差太多，否则会严重损害年轻一方的健康。孩子也往往得不到体力和智力。他们不能从年老的父母身上获得他们幼弱的生命所需要的照顾和陪伴。父母的不测使他们在最需要的时候失去爱护和引导。{MH 358.2}
§18
The parties may not have worldly wealth, but they should have the far greater blessing of health. And in most cases there should not be a great disparity in age. A neglect of this rule may result in seriously impairing the health of the younger. And often the children are robbed of physical and mental strength. They cannot receive from an aged parent the care and companionship which their young lives demand, and they may be deprived by death of the father or the mother at the very time when love and guidance are most needed. {MH 358.2}[8]
§19
婚约只有在基督里订立，才安全可靠。人的爱应当从上帝的爱中获得最紧密的关系。只有基督在人心中作主，人才会有深切、真诚和无私的爱。{MH 358.3}
§20
It is only in Christ that a marriage alliance can be safely formed. Human love should draw its closest bonds from divine love. Only where Christ reigns can there be deep, true, unselfish affection. {MH 358.3}[9]
§21
爱是一种宝贵的恩赐，是我们从耶稣那里领受的。纯洁圣善的爱情不是一种感觉，而是一种原则。凡心中存有真诚之爱的人，决不会盲目冲动。他们接受圣灵的教导，爱上帝超乎一切，爱邻居如同自己。{MH 358.4}
§22
Love is a precious gift, which we receive from Jesus. Pure and holy affection is not a feeling, but a principle. Those who are actuated by true love are neither unreasonable nor blind. Taught by the Holy Spirit, they love God supremely, and their neighbor as themselves. {MH 358.4}[10]
§23
凡正在考虑婚姻问题的人，应当权衡他们所要选为终生伴侣之人的每一情感，关注他们品格的每一发展。订立婚约的每一步骤，都应审慎、简朴、真诚地进行，并抱着讨上帝喜悦和尊荣上帝的坚定宗旨。婚姻影响着今后的生活，不论在今生或是来世。一个真诚的基督徒决不会制定上帝所不赞同的任何计划。{MH 359.1}
§24
Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve. {MH 359.1}[11]
§25
你们若幸而有敬畏上帝的父母，就当征求他们的意见，把自己的希望和打算告诉他们，从他们的人生经验中接受教训。这样，你就会免去许多心灵的痛苦。最要紧的，你要以基督为你的顾问，藉着祷告研究祂的话。{MH 359.2}
§26
If you are blessed with God-fearing parents, seek counsel of them. Open to them your hopes and plans, learn the lessons which their life experiences have taught, and you will be saved many a heartache. Above all, make Christ your counselor. Study His word with prayer. {MH 359.2}[12]
§27
青年女子要在这样的指导下，只接受那纯洁，刚强，勤劳，有志气，诚实，爱上帝并敬畏上帝的人作为她终生的伴侣。青年男子要追求能与他分担人生的担子，提高和陶炼他的情操，并用她的爱使他快乐的女子作为他永久的配偶。{MH 359.3}
§28
Under such guidance let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, one who loves and fears God. Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of lifes burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love. {MH 359.3}[13]
§29
“贤德的妻，是耶和华所赐的”（箴19:14）。“她丈夫心里依靠她，……她一生使丈夫有益无损”（箴31:11,12）。“她开口，就发智慧；她舌上有仁慈的法则；她观察家务，并不吃闲饭。她的儿女起来称她有福；她的丈夫也称赞她，说：才德的女子很多，唯独你超过一切”（箴31:26-31）。“人若得着这样的妻子，便得着好处，也是蒙了耶和华的恩惠”（箴18:22）。{MH 359.4}
§30
A prudent wife is from the Lord. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her, saying, Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. He who gains such a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord. Proverbs 19:14; 31:11, 12, 26-29; 18:22. {MH 359.4}[14]
§31
婚姻无论考虑得多么谨慎周详，也很少有夫妇在结婚时是完全结合的。两人真正的结合是在婚后的岁月里。{MH 359.5}
§32
However carefully and wisely marriage may have been entered into, few couples are completely united when the marriage ceremony is performed. The real union of the two in wedlock is the work of the after years. {MH 359.5}[15]
§33
新婚的夫妇所面对的，是生活烦恼和忧虑的担子。想象中婚姻的浪漫消失了。夫妻彼此了解了婚前所不知道的品格。这是他们最危急的时期。他们一生的幸福和前途，全在乎他们这时是否能采取正确的方针。他们往往互相发现了以前所想象不到的缺点和软弱。但他们用爱联结在一起的心也会发现以前所没有看到的优点。但愿大家都看对方的长处，而不是短处。我们对别人的观察，常常受我们自己的态度和我们周围气氛的影响。许多人视爱的表示为懦弱，故保持排斥他人的矜持。这种精神阻碍了同情的热流。交谊和慷慨的冲动既受到遏止，就会枯竭，心地就会变得冷漠。我们要谨防这种错误。爱如果不表达出来是不能长存的。不要让牵挂你的心因得不到仁爱和同情而饥饿。{MH 360.1}
§34
As life with its burden of perplexity and care meets the newly wedded pair, the romance with which imagination so often invests marriage disappears. Husband and wife learn each others character as it was impossible to learn it in their previous association. This is a most critical period in their experience. The happiness and usefulness of their whole future life depend upon their taking a right course now. Often they discern in each other unsuspected weaknesses and defects; but the hearts that love has united will discern excellencies also heretofore unknown. Let all seek to discover the excellencies rather than the defects. Often it is our own attitude, the atmosphere that surrounds ourselves, which determines what will be revealed to us in another. There are many who regard the expression of love as a weakness, and they maintain a reserve that repels others. This spirit checks the current of sympathy. As the social and generous impulses are repressed, they wither, and the heart becomes desolate and cold. We should beware of this error. Love cannot long exist without expression. Let not the heart of one connected with you starve for the want of kindness and sympathy. {MH 360.1}[16]
§35
虽然会有艰难、困惑和沮丧，但夫妻都不要认为他们的结合是错误或令人失望的。要下决心尽量让对方满意，要延续初恋时的恩爱。在人生的斗争中，要千方百计鼓助对方。要研究如何增进对方的幸福。要彼此相爱，互相体谅。这样，婚姻就不会是恋爱的坟墓，而是恋爱的开始了。真正友谊的热情和心心相印的爱情，乃是天国喜乐的预尝。{MH 360.2}
§36
Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven. {MH 360.2}[17]
§37
在每一个家庭中有一个神圣的范围是不可侵犯的。其他任何人无权进入这个范围。丈夫或妻子不可让别人来分享他们彼此独有的信任。{MH 361.1}
§38
Around every family there is a sacred circle that should be kept unbroken. Within this circle no other person has a right to come. Let not the husband or the wife permit another to share the confidences that belong solely to themselves. {MH 361.1}[18]
§39
夫妻都要给予爱，而不要苛求对方的爱。要培养你最高尚的品格，善于发现对方的优点。得到别人的赏识，会带来奇妙的满足和激励。同情和尊敬能促使人上进。爱情本身也随着其更高尚的宗旨而增加。{MH 361.2}
§40
Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the good qualities in each other. The consciousness of being appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction. Sympathy and respect encourage the striving after excellence, and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims. {MH 361.2}[19]
§41
夫妻都不要将自己的个性泯灭在对方的个性之中。每一个人都与上帝有个人的关系。关于上帝，各人要问：“什么是正确的？”“什么是错误的？”“我怎样才能最好地实现人生的宗旨？”你的情感要投向那一位舍身救你的主。要在凡事上以基督为始、为终、为至善。你们爱基督的心既更加深厚、更加坚强，你们彼此之间的爱就会得到净化和加强。{MH 361.3}
§42
Neither the husband nor the wife should merge his or her individuality in that of the other. Each has a personal relation to God. Of Him each is to ask, What is right? What is wrong? How may I best fulfill lifes purpose? Let the wealth of your affection flow forth to Him who gave His life for you. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. As your love for Him becomes deeper and stronger, your love for each other will be purified and strengthened. {MH 361.3}[20]
§43
基督对我们所表显的精神正是夫妻之间应有的精神。“要凭爱心行事，正如基督爱我们。”“教会怎样顺服基督，妻子也要怎样凡事顺服丈夫。你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会，为教会舍己”（弗5:2,24,25）。{MH 361.4}
§44
The spirit that Christ manifests toward us is the spirit that husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. As Christ also hath loved us, walk in love. As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it. Ephesians 5:2, 24, 25. {MH 361.4}[21]
§45
丈夫和妻子都不要试图专横地控制对方。不要强迫对方服从你的心愿。这样做保不住对方的爱。要仁慈、忍耐、宽容、体谅和礼貌。靠着上帝的恩惠，你们定能按照结婚时的誓约使对方快乐。{MH 361.5}
§46
Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each others love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do. {MH 361.5}[22]
§47
无私服务的快乐但是要记住，夫妻若只顾自己，满足于彼此倾吐爱情是得不到幸福的。要利用每一个机会为周围的人谋福利。要记住只有在无私的服务中才有真正的快乐。{MH 362.1}
§48
【Happiness in Unselfish Service】
§49
But remember that happiness will not be found in shutting yourselves up to yourselves, satisfied to pour out all your affection upon each other. Seize upon every opportunity for contributing to the happiness of those around you. Remember that true joy can be found only in unselfish service. {MH 362.1}[23]
§50
凡在基督里新生的人，必在言行上表显出宽宏和无私。当你们设法过基督的生活，努力克服自我和自私，为他人服务时，你们就会取得节节胜利。你们的影响就这样给世界带来福气。{MH 362.2}
§51
Forbearance and unselfishness mark the words and acts of all who live the new life in Christ. As you seek to live His life, striving to conquer self and selfishness and to minister to the needs of others, you will gain victory after victory. Thus your influence will bless the world. {MH 362.2}[24]
§52
不论男女，只要接受基督的帮助，就能实现上帝对于他们的理想。凡人的智慧所办不到的事，基督的恩典却能为怀着敬爱之心信靠祂的人成全。祂的眷顾能用天上的纽带将人的心结合在一起。爱不只是交换几句甜言蜜语。天上的织机能比地上的织机织出更加精致，更加坚韧的织物。这样的织物决不单薄，却能经得起考验和试炼。爱的金色纽带会将心与心恒久地相连。 平安的家，胜似黄金，那里有天伦之乐，因着母亲、姐妹或妻子的呵护，而成为爱的圣地，生命的天堂。 不论家有多么简陋，因天命而备尝悲愁，家里的福气不能买卖，它比黄金更加珍贵。 {MH 362.3}
§53
Men and women can reach Gods ideal for them if they will take Christ as their helper. What human wisdom cannot do, His grace will accomplish for those who give themselves to Him in loving trust. His providence can unite hearts in bonds that are of heavenly origin. Love will not be a mere exchange of soft and flattering words. The loom of heaven weaves with warp and woof finer, yet more firm, than can be woven by the looms of earth. The result is not a tissue fabric, but a texture that will bear wear and test and trial. Heart will be bound to heart in the golden bonds of a love that is enduring. Better than gold is a peaceful home, Where all the fireside charities come; The shrine of love and the heaven of life, Hallowed by mother, or sister, or wife. However humble the home may be, Or tried with sorrows by heavens decree, The blessings that never were bought or sold, And center there, are better than gold. Anon. {MH 362.3}[25]